some pics on holland village:



this building was built in 1832





this two pics, a particular tree in holland village... no special reasons, juz look up and took pictures of the pic, it's quite fun.... onlookers can't understand why i do that.... i guess it's looking at things from a different perspective. and the pics turn out ok....





all these pics, took some at labrador park, some at kent ridge park, beautiful sunset... but i'm not in the right mood now to elaborate further.. so enjoy the pics

juz a pic to show the sunflowers i was talking about:



then today, got a bit of inspiration, theme: pErsPecTiVe

fresh flowers

juz a thought.. fresh flowers are very nice when fresh, and it always gives the lady a surprise and bring smiles to her when she receive ones....

but then after a few days, at the most a week... the flowers die... it's kind of sad, then u try to salvage watever u can.... it's kind of sad to see such nice things withered away... and there is nothing u can do...

well, u can say hang the flowers upside down, but not all flowers are able to do that..... makes me think and relate flowers to a person's life....

so nice when young, fresh, wanted, admired by people.... but as u grow older and wither, if u dun take care of yourself, u become unwanted, not nice, people squirm to look at u... no wonder so many older woman, esp in the West, are going for plastic surgery when they reach a certain age.... (juz realise, have to be careful not to mention names, as now blogging can also be sued if u say the wrong thing on ur blog)

that brings me to another point... why must we always be politically correct? at work place, u must know wat to say and wat not to say, now blogging also.... must be careful of wat u say... why is it that people (again, cannot refer to a specific noun, lest i be sued) like to restrain people? well, i do understand that there must be some kind of laws, rules and regulations... but... blogging was initially supposed to be a platform where people can say about wat they feel....

u can say people misuse the platform, but i seriously dun think it was that serious to be called up to court... anyway, it has always been like that. rules after rules so that people can conform to a certain mould, and if u dun conform, they come out wif more rules....

sometimes, people say i spoil my children by letting them do watever they want... well, now u know why.... becos i feel that when they grow up, they will restrained by so many rules... it's not that i totally spoil them... i juz let them sleep at the time they want to sleep, no forcing of 9pm, go and sleep now.. if they dun like to go to church, then dun go. if they dun like to eat, wants to eat bread for dinner, let them be, who says that we cannot eat kaya toast for dinner? who says that kaya toast is only for breakfast? as long as they eat.

another week is gone

last week was crazy, this week is even more crazy, becos the deadline for so many things is 7th Oct. well, i'll juz take one day at a time...

know something, while i'm blogging this post, i'm actually waiting in queue to print worksheets on the risograph. and i juz finish my fried bee hoon, doing all 3 at the same time. my colleague who is printing now is lamenting that the risograph is not fast enuf for us... haha, poor risograph.

anyway, last nite, sis treated us to marina south bbq as her b-day was this coming Thursday. Happy birthday, sister! thanks for the treat.

had an observation last nite, we all know the thing is $12 per adult, then there were many frens from Malaysia and China who was there eating. Last nite was more of family, not so much of young people. if it were a Fri or Sat, i bet there are a lot of young people.

ok, my turn to use the risograph, had to stop... otherwise other people jump queue.

3rd day and i'm surviving

3rd day and i'm surviving the hectic-ness of work. work cannot finish.. hmm, funny, doesn't feel so uptight. juz let it be.... deadline... well, then see how i'll be dead.

my ears have been very itchy lately, dig ears also no ear wax.... funny....

i'm getting sleepy..... looks like 6 hours of sleep is not enuf for me.... think i'm getting lazy and fat, haha.... time to slim down....

what a crazy week this will be

juz to blog down for memories:

mon - staff contact time
tues - briefing at moe
thurs - department meeting
fri - another meeting

plus this week, extra classes every day becos the exams r next week. for those who know hougang will know wat i'm talking about, can't possibly blog it down here.

i dunno how i will die... or should i say survive.... let me see, should i die standing or die lying down or die sleeping? ha, juz for thoughts

i dunno wat else i can say, wat else i can do.....i dunno y u suddenly like that.... wat have i done?

should we quarrel? should i juz keep quiet? i really dunno... it's getting harder and harder to communicate....

hope the pictures can mean something:

perhaps u r right, i will never be there for u, can never be here for u....

u and me... our similarities....



the memories



and most of all....



if all these mean nothing... or it's not enuf, then i dunno....

wedding dinner

last nite went to an old fren's wedding dinner. it was a good time for old frens like us to gather. after so many years, funny, people change, (physically) feelings change (not young anymore), some people are not there anymore, some people have new people added.

as we were catching up wif old times, those people who juz joined in, (esp the new gfs or the new wives of some old frens) could not join into the conversation of our good old times.... for me, it was kind of sad that some people were not longer with our group. will i become one of these people someday?

anyway, M&M really enjoyed themselves at the wedding dinner. though they do not eat much, they have frens there to play wif them. to them, it was something new. and marcus totally enjoy the experience. he said it was great. for mabel, as usual, some of the old frens (guys) were 'smitten' by her. she was like smiling at them, looking so cute.

anyway, think this should be one of the last wedding dinner that we had to attend... unless (according to mr tan) i remarry again.

Words

sometimes, too much words cloud up the mind. too much words makes people confuse.

sometimes, it's best not to say too much, or better still, nothing at all. but u wanted me to speak.

juz thought of this song: When you say Nothing at all (Ronan Keating). here's the lyrics.


It's amazing how you speak right to my heart ,
With out saying a word you could light up the dark ,
Try as i may i could never explain,
What i hear when i don't say a thing .

Chorus:-The smile on your face let me knowthat you need me ,
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me ,
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me wherever i fall ,
You say it best when you say nothing at all ,

All day long i can hear people talking aloud ,
But when you hold me near ,
You drown out the crowd ,
Try as they may ,They could never define,
What's being said between your heart and mine


yah, i say it best, when i say nothing at all... cos words hurt. words can be inferred wrongly. but i guess again, actions... guess i've failed in this part too. forget it, the hurt has been done, nothing i say or nothing i do will be able to change anything, so wtf am i saying here?

juz some songs lyrics i saw...

Ronan Keating - Lost For Words
If I can't find the words...
Waiting for this feeling
That I'm drowning in to subside
You make me swim like a beginner
Like I'm new at life
All these words don't come easy
No they always seem to stop
There is awkward silence yeah
Anytime we talk

Oh but I wanna let it in
I wanna ease all your doubts
I keep trying to get it out
But if I can't find the words
To tell you what I'm feeling
Baby that don't mean
It don't mean that I don't feel it
I'm trying to tell you girl
But if you don't believe just look and see
My face says what you mean to me
When I can't find the words

I know I can send you flowers
To try to make my feelings clear
And girl I could hold you tight for hours
I wanna tell you what you're trying to hear

But I know sometimes I leave you so upset
Cos I got all these bits and pieces in my head
I know because I let you struggle with the things I haven't said

But if you don't believe just look and see
My smile says what you mean to me
When I can't find the words I
f I can't find the words

my weekend

weekend was good, i really had a good sleep, slept soundly

on sat nite, brought them to in laws' place. some RC event of taking lantern. well, receive the gift pack and of course, lantern for the children. all were present. went down to the coffeeshop to have dinner, juz as we were about to order our food, black out in the coffeeshop. it was a whole 10 mins before the lights came back. one big table, about 12-13 of us. well, glad that in laws are happy.

then on sun nite, it was my house. my mum, grandma and aunties came to my house for dinner. after cooking, we brought the food down to the roof top garden to have our dinner there. my sis, my children and her bf actually decorated the little pavilion, it was a great feeling, all sitting round the table and eating and catching up on old times. din realise i ate so many pieces of mooncake. so full after that.

well, they say after mid-autumn festival, it signals the end of summer and the beginning of autumn. autumn signals a time where all things should come to an end, juz like the leaves falling... juz gives a sad mood to everything. but i guess it's also a season where people grow up and become more mature. that's autumn.

powerful words on love

was juz scratching my head what to write for my blog, then someone shared with me some quotes, quite like a few, putting them here for everyone to see.

Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.
Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you.
What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry? (This one cheem, takes me sometime to realise and understand)
The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else. (wah, this one read liao, heart pain)
Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end.
If u love something...let it go. If it comes back to you its yours.... If it doesn't then it never was. (classic quote)
A kiss is just a kiss until u find the one you love. A hug is just a hug until its from the one ur thinking of. A dream is just a dream until u make it come true. LOVE is just a word until its proven to you. (how true!)

To realize The value of a sister: Ask someone Who doesn't have one.
To realize The value of ten years: Ask a newly Divorced couple. (i like this)
To realize The value of four years: Ask a graduate. (very true!)
To realize The value of one year: Ask a student who Has failed a final exam. (especially true!)
To realize The value of nine months: Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.
To realize The value of one month: Ask a mother who has given birth to A premature baby.
To realize The value of one week: Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize The value of one hour: Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet. (true)
To realize The value of one minute: Ask a person Who has missed the train, bus or plane.
To realize The value of one-second: Ask a person Who has survived an accident (very true)
To realize The value of one millisecond: Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics

have fun pondering over these quotes!

picture paints a thousand words

some pics which i took, in my ipaq for a very long time... today manage to transfer them to pc, so i thought i might as well put it in the blog. some of them are taken from else where which i found interesting

some scenary pictures:

















water water everywhere





this was fun:


aeroplane...



My favourite two pics which i took:

new haircut

yesterday... went for a hair cut... thanks to one student, XF, who keep calling me, mrs old lady wif split ends hair... actually it's not really the student's comment that made me go and cut my hair, i think my haircut is long overdue. When i told the hairdresser that the last time i had a hair cut was last Dec, he was like in total disbelief.

post mortem: guess it's good... makes me feel lighter... kind of like lessening the burden that i've been carrying for the past few months.

met YY on the way back... on the escalator... weird place to meet her... weird because i was coming down the escalator and she was juz about to go up the escalator....she was wif Siling... Siling showed me her baby's picture... Siling, your bb is chubby and very cute, happy motherhood!

we didn't talk long as we were standing there.... that makes me think of catching up wif old friends... to BH's the other significant half... pls tell BH that i miss her, miss as in catching up wif her and YY. today is 13th Sept and 13 is wat links us together.

1st day of school

had a wonderful start to the day... on the way to school.

but now in school, system not used to it... engine very difficult to move fast.... even words that come out from my mouth, one piece one piece..... but students have a good laugh at my silly mistakes...

some pictures of marcus and mabel











These are the shots taken by mabel... i personally like the shoe photo











these are shots taken by marcus. He mostly took mabel, becos i guess being in front, it's easy to take her shots... but i really like these few.

cd rom

marcus and mabel was given 2 cd roms on monday. since then, they have been playing the cd rom. On monday nite, marcus actually didn't want to sleep and we have to force him to sleep. Then on tuesday, marcus was playing the cd rom, he actually high tide, he was standing up and standing very uncomfortably, but he didn't go to the toilet, had to stop him also.

on wed, he started playing the cd rom at 4 something in the afternoon, only until 10 something at nite, then he said he dun want to play already... of course, in between there were toilet breaks, dinner break and sometimes, it was mabel's turn to play.

more thoughts on masters
it's easy to decide, go for masters. why not? it's also easy for people to tell me to go for it. of course, it's easy to say, but do u know how frightening it is before u commit to it? when u go for it, do u know how many things it implies and implicates? ok, that aside, wat about balancing watever u have now? who can help u when u feel stressed abt not balancing well? all people can do is to offer their 'condolenses' and encouragement... u still had to take the shit yourself.

Happy anniversary

realise that soon, my blog is 1 year old. i've started writing my blog since last september... time passes so fast and it gets faster as u grow older.

no anniversary special.... no time to think also, mentally exhaustive after the n level SS paper. well, even tho it's not me who take the paper, but the worry for the students, enough to kill me...

anyway, come to a cross junction of my life again... i'm not sure if i want to pursue my Masters or not... seems attractive to pursue my Masters, not so worried about the timing of the class and that i can't absorb... i felt that it's good to learn more... wat i worried is... if i pursue my Masters next year, that means that it will clash wif my intention of quitting the job after my bond.... i have to tread carefully, but i've only up to Sept 30 to consider, cos it's the deadline for signing up the modules.

channel 8 9pm show

was watching this show, quite enjoyed the show. talks about child birth.....

a) a lady, married, old, trying hard to get pregnant, pressured by herself, her past abortion and her mil to get pregnant... then the usual thing abt going to doc to check up, bringing the husband to check up as well....

b) another lady, single, get herself pregnant, talk abt unwed mother.

c) this one really got me... career minded woman... already had a daughter (btw, the gal who acted in this character, she's good....) never spend enuf time wif her family, work first. well, i'm not that career minded as her, but i certainly didn't spend enuf quality time wif my family.
last nite's episode, she was deciding whether to abort her 2nd child or not.... (touch my heart) then she finally decided not to....
but last nite's episode, she and her husband has got a misunderstanding. they would be going thru the divorce and probably fight for the custody of their only daughter..... i was juz thinking, she should have let the husband have the custody of the daughter since she has already decided to keep the 2nd one.

this touch my heart. becos maybe it's the little gal's acting... she cried and drew nice pictures of her family. mayb i couldn't bear to see her cry, cos i will not be able to take it if m&m does the same thing too.... but i think this is quite true in Singapore's context today... how many young children have cried over broken families/broken homes? we never know how much impact or how affected children are over these things.....

so cold

i could feel it was cold, i could feel it between us... it's like an invisible berlin wall, freezing me....
i could see it in your eyes.... the wave of cold air seems to have been dispersed from your eyes and sent a chill down my spine. It freezes my heart so much that it broke the heart.

i know there is nothing i can say or do... yes, i know u have the right to be angry... i know the song that u played was meant for me, was meant to scold me....

but i do not know what u mean by 'you've had your run and you have to go home'

2 days mc

after pulau ubin, i was ill. for 2 days, mc 2 days, sore throat, cough and flu.... today i had a bit of fever, but subside already

so lousy, just 3D2N camp and i fell ill...

back from ubin

ok, i'm back from ubin... the 3D2N huh... well, i didn't really get to go down to the beach, too dark, the stars, not too many, but they were bright though.... but i did mark my papers under the stars, i only went in to sleep becos there were juz too many centipedes and a big bug that looks like small cockroach that was lingering ard my feet, that was the bug that got me to sleep in the 1st nite.

the next day, had to follow the campers out while trekking... the weather is very hot.... and have to keep on moving, cannot stop moving, once u stop moving, u see a few mosquitoes, at least 8 or 9 of them hovering ard your legs. luckily i wore slacks... plus lots of insect repellent.

2nd nite, couldn't mark, too exhausted.

glad to be back on mainland...noticed a lot of tourists and foreigners at pulau ubin... got a few mosquito bites, some rash on my leg... plus sore throat, cough and flu.... and lots of undone work.

character analysis

juz did some stupid character analysis test.... how true.. let me give u the analysis of my character:

strong will, not dependent on others, gave the impression of lone-ranger

curious, sensual

at 1st glance, difficult to get along, but when others begin to talk to you, they find that you are easy going. when the relationship develops, they find u affable.

androgynous charm - popular with all genders

i dun like the dark side to be seen
i may look cool on the surface, but beneath, i'm really passionate.
only people who know my true self - long-lasting relationship

pulau ubin

will be at pulau ubin this weekend. well, perhaps it will be a good break from being in sg... feels like going overseas, well, urmmmmmm, at least i get to cross the sea.... i hope the nature there will do wonders to me... maybe perk me up. will remind myself to look at the stars, to enjoy the breeze, to listen to the sea at night, to soak up the smell of equatorial rainforest.

i won't be forgetting that i have tons of papers to mark... but i really hope that Mother Nature can relax me.

oh yah before i forget, on 28/08, himer should be ard 16-17 weeks. and himer should look like this:

i hate work

watever i say is work related....

i hate work....! oh god..... pls, i understand there is deadline, but with everyone having deadline for everyone... ????

and if we rush out the project this year, next year they believe that we can do the same for them. and the problem is, if you don't do it.. that goes to show that u r defiant, u r not cooperative, if other teachers can do it, why can't u? u are not doing your best... i hate this... and some teachers are willing to stay back on saturday until 7pm??!!??? omg, where is family time???!!!??? i know some may not have a family, but der, i have one... and my children are starting to complain that why i'm always working at home...........

i'll juz do wat i can, dun expect the best from me, u want things done, i will do, but bare minimum. life goes on, look forward....

my strengths

did this strengthquest thingy... here are my five top signature themes....

1) adaptability: something like live for the moment, i know wat the future holds, but i know that my actions now will determine my future and i'm adaptable to things, circumstances

2) empathy: i'm able to listen and understand and empathise with people

3) Connectedness: i understand this connectedness among people, and becos of this, i am careful of my own action, as i know that my action will affect the people around me.

4) Restorative: problems. i am able to solve problems, analyse problems. i got the kick of solving problems

5) Self assurance: i can seek the advice and opinions of others but i form my own conclusions and i know what i have to do. something like self-confidence.

hmmm, only sure of the connectedness and self assurance which is so true of me... as for adaptability being the top one... i guess it sort of connects to connectedness. becos i know that whatever i do may affect the people ard me, i tend to be more adaptable or open to possibilities. Well, i dun think that this is being soft, being geminis, i guess we tend to care more for other people. as for the problem solving one, i guess i perform best when problem arises... cos it's only problems that push us to complete our things, right? if everything is so smooth sailing, then there is no thrill in life. i guess i work best when things go wrong, when things are right, maybe people tend to be more complacent.

i'm really haunted

really haunted and affected by this, esp since this morning. so I guess i have never done much for bb, guess this is the best i can do for him/her. he/she would have been this big:


14/15 weeks

it was this big on 28th June:



let me do a proper one for him/her (himer)

IN LOVING MEMORY OF HIMER

10th May 2005 -

28th June 2005

luv is really a painful thing. not sure if painful this word is justifiable to the emotions, the feelings of luv people go thru.

oh yah, the show 'must luv dogs' uses the word excruciating pain, yah, that's the word, it crashes your heart. yah, perhaps, my pain cannot be compared to some, but i want u to know that i dun have the best of both worlds. either world i choose, all are equally painful decision.

vexed

having a terrible headache now, dunno if it's becos of not enuf coffee or from too much thinking...

i'm really very vexed, wish that sometimes, problems could be solved easily... straight cut, 123...

it really doesn't matter... now, in future or watever... things will be the same. becos it seems that to u, i'm forever running and hiding. or maybe i've really fk my own life

wat can i say?

honestly, wat can i say? becos i dun feel like saying anything. thing has happened, it's over, i've reflected, i've post mortem, i've come to a conclusion, i'll juz keep my mouth shut. that's me, that's my character, take it or leave it....

this is not running away from reality. it's best to depend on yourself. that's my philosophy.

i got myself into this shit, i'll handle and clean up the shit myself. even if i choose to sit on the shit, there is nothing anybody can do.... that's my attitude, bleah *tongue sticking out*

the Rose

there is this song The Rose. it was re-sung by Jolin... but i still prefer the old version.....

esp like the 1st few lines of the song....

some say love, it is a river, that drowns the growing reeds
some say love, it is a razor, that bleeds your heart.....

hmm, wonder if anyone has the mp3 and lyrics of this song?

last nite, 4 hours plus of singing, great.... (but in the heart.... bled.... some songs almost make me cry.... yah, tong hua again.....) anyway, last nite also retro nite, singing all the songs that were popular when we were schooling, we had a good laugh, laughing at the mtv of those 80s songs.... the cuckoo hairstyle, the fashion, the make up.

tagboard

after some time, decided to sign up for another tag board again.

after reality sinks in posting... i juz felt that it's better to live my own life, peaceful... save the trouble.... anyway, i shall not say much.... juz leave comments in my tag board.

Marcus' B-day

i think marcus really enjoyed his b-day. we celebrated on the 7th, as some relatives could not make it on the 8th. it's juz some simple dinner, buffet style at home. Marcus was like saying happy birthday to everyone who came... and of course, he's very excited with the news toys that he has.

could see that he was very tired, but he didn't want to sleep, he wanted to open his presents and play wif all his toys. jigsaw, remote control cars to name a few. but anyway, i had to chase him to sleep at 11 plus that nite becos he's really very tired.... and the next day, he has to go to school.

so fast, he's 5 yrs old. on 8th august 2000, i can still remember. it's still so fresh on my mind. guess these things, u will not forget. i was lying on the bed... listening to his heartbeat, watching the tv, which is juz PM giving his speech. then at 11 plus at nite, decide to c-section... i could remember, the next day being national day, a lot of my relatives came to see me, but i was so tired and couldn't sit up on bed to see them. i remembered i missed watching the national day parade that year.

well, my wishes for him.... grow up to be a fine young man, one who is kind to others, not scheming and yet able to fight and survive. as for love, choose wisely and the true love will come along, watever may turn out in your love life, do not worry, u always have your family members to count on. I LOVE U, MARCUS!

Reality

yes, reality sucks.... and it will start to sink in slowly and when it sinks in... gosh, it's like a thousand knives stabbing you. No, you won't ask for the truth, you won't want to know the truth becos this will only add on to the pain.

i guess... i will still have to go on, no point to find out the truth. Happiness is in your own hands, no, not even your partner can bring that to you, to be happy for 24 hours a day, u need to depend on yourself. Yes, friends bring you relief from loneliness, partners bring you joy, children bring you joy but at the end of the day, when you are sleeping on your bed, who do you have? you and that bolster you are hugging, not your spouse, not your friends, not your relatives.

so how many nights have you cried? only the bolster knows. the bolster also doesn't tell anybody your secrets... you can cry and tell, your bolster will be there to 'absorb' (literally) all your tears and secrets.

i will not go back to make a brand new start, but if given the choice, i would remain single all my life. i can only look forward and start planning my brand new ending.

post mortem

sorry, i'm post morteming.... i juz feel that human esp men are hypocrites. sorry, i know this is a sweeping statement.... people are going to sms me and tell me, so are woman... or woman are too emotional..... so difficult to understand them... maybe that's why men are from Mars, woman from vEnus

thanks

thank all for the sms and concern....

what a day

juz want to say, what a day....i know everyone has such days also... it's juz that ...i wish i have more hours a day to do my stuff.... so many things so little time...
have been a jerk, blowing off my temper, temper been short, hurting people ard me with my temper.
even as i blog now, no mood for complete sentences.....

My prayer to Him:
pls, (close my eyes and pray) let all these be over soon. i dun care anymore if You want to turn me into a better person through all these turbulations or wat... as such, life in the modern world is SO....... we go to Your Sanctuary every Sunday to seek solace, but alas, wat do we see? hypocritical people running the show, running Your place or hypocritical people sitting ard us (not to mention that i am as guilty as the hypocritical people)
You have shown me what is love, true love. You have shown me what is bitterness, what is pain. Then now, why all these that i have to go through again? In Jesus' name, amen.