Juz realize the Chinese character for xiao sa is wrong, the sa should be another word.
I'm still thinking after I blog. I guess deep down inside me, I will be a Chou ah Lian. leopard never changes its spots. el said this to me before, I guess u were right. I'm now sick and tired of being the good gal. I'm not.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod
Sunday, December 27, 2009
friend forwarded email, title " did u marry the right person?" how apt the email. but something i disagree with the email was that,
true, in a marriage, you learn to love the person you found, right, very true. but it forgot to mention that the person you found comes with his/her family.
even the strongest person will break down at a point of his/her life. i thought i was a strong person, i dun like to cry, it's a sign of weakness. when i was younger, when dad left, i cried so much. when i was a teenager, i cried so much, so i have told myself, be a strong girl.
did dad make the right decision at that time? i so strongly believe in giving my children a complete family because of this incident. i never want my children to feel the way i did. all this while, i asked God, if u want to punish me for wrong thing i did, punish me, dun punish my children.
a marriage does not only binds two persons, it binds two families. last night, i really broke down. i've heard so many stories about gal staying with in laws, i prepared myself, i did not know why i broke down last night. it was 2-3 years of frustrations, i guess. so dun envy me or wonder how i did it. i never do anything miraculous.
i come back, i hide in my bedroom. i want to scold my children, i scold them in the bedroom. i angry, i release my anger in the virtual world. i did nothing. so maybe all these years of doing nothing caused something last night.
i broke down. i was like, wtf, this is my house. i'm having so many restrictions in my own house. dun wear too short shorts, at home, i still have to be wearing my bra until the minute before i go to sleep, dun wear too short t-shirt that reveal the naval. impossible to wear nightie and walk around. cannot scold my children, cannot beat my children. i guess i was like enough is enough. i just so totally broke down.
i was never a calculative person, i hate to calculate to the last cent, last dollar. 做人一向很萧撒. it's like learning to love the person you found is already difficult, learning to love his family members proves more difficult and seriously there are lesser incentives to be accepted by his family members. so coupled with this, i juz broke down.
i feel like asking my dad, what factors caused him to make the decision back then? because now i'm like in my dad's position, maybe somewhat different. we talked about it last night, cried until my eyes feel so puffy now. (note: i was sober all these while) Adrian, i loved you and for the children and my promise to them, i will stay. as for outside factors that are causing the stress, we will deal with it together. i never blame you, it's not a blaming game. we chose each other for who we are, we will be, it's just that maybe i wasn't prepared to love your family members as you do.
so in conclusion, next time, i will shift my duty as a daughter from sunday to saturday. so i'll go back amk on saturday to visit my mum. This will lessen the tension.
true, in a marriage, you learn to love the person you found, right, very true. but it forgot to mention that the person you found comes with his/her family.
even the strongest person will break down at a point of his/her life. i thought i was a strong person, i dun like to cry, it's a sign of weakness. when i was younger, when dad left, i cried so much. when i was a teenager, i cried so much, so i have told myself, be a strong girl.
did dad make the right decision at that time? i so strongly believe in giving my children a complete family because of this incident. i never want my children to feel the way i did. all this while, i asked God, if u want to punish me for wrong thing i did, punish me, dun punish my children.
a marriage does not only binds two persons, it binds two families. last night, i really broke down. i've heard so many stories about gal staying with in laws, i prepared myself, i did not know why i broke down last night. it was 2-3 years of frustrations, i guess. so dun envy me or wonder how i did it. i never do anything miraculous.
i come back, i hide in my bedroom. i want to scold my children, i scold them in the bedroom. i angry, i release my anger in the virtual world. i did nothing. so maybe all these years of doing nothing caused something last night.
i broke down. i was like, wtf, this is my house. i'm having so many restrictions in my own house. dun wear too short shorts, at home, i still have to be wearing my bra until the minute before i go to sleep, dun wear too short t-shirt that reveal the naval. impossible to wear nightie and walk around. cannot scold my children, cannot beat my children. i guess i was like enough is enough. i just so totally broke down.
i was never a calculative person, i hate to calculate to the last cent, last dollar. 做人一向很萧撒. it's like learning to love the person you found is already difficult, learning to love his family members proves more difficult and seriously there are lesser incentives to be accepted by his family members. so coupled with this, i juz broke down.
i feel like asking my dad, what factors caused him to make the decision back then? because now i'm like in my dad's position, maybe somewhat different. we talked about it last night, cried until my eyes feel so puffy now. (note: i was sober all these while) Adrian, i loved you and for the children and my promise to them, i will stay. as for outside factors that are causing the stress, we will deal with it together. i never blame you, it's not a blaming game. we chose each other for who we are, we will be, it's just that maybe i wasn't prepared to love your family members as you do.
so in conclusion, next time, i will shift my duty as a daughter from sunday to saturday. so i'll go back amk on saturday to visit my mum. This will lessen the tension.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Friday, December 25, 2009
Feel so stupid today, waiting and waiting. Anyway, had weird dreams recently, I dreamt that I got drowned in a very deep ocean, the tall tower I was holding on to kept sinking, and I kept climbing up until when I reached the top, there was nothing more for me to climb. I juz drowned. It felt horrible to die like that.
Last night, I dreamt that I had a dog with 3 heads! It was very frightening. It was lying on the bed beside me, then it suddenly jerked itself up and snarled at me. It was frightening.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod
Last night, I dreamt that I had a dog with 3 heads! It was very frightening. It was lying on the bed beside me, then it suddenly jerked itself up and snarled at me. It was frightening.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
random thoughts
1) sharks, my skin is sensitive to sanitary pad
2)piss. first of all, high tide, so tried to rush home after buying dinner. reached void deck, a man opened letter box, council gave 2010 calendar, he looked through the calendar. wtf, press the lift button! nvm, i pressed the button.
lift A: storey 6, lift B: storey 10. lift b came down. after waiting some time, i looked up again. lift b stopped at 2. lift a, by this time has desccended to storey 2. then lift a came down. i was like wtf. ok, maybe there was someone in the lift. lift reached 1sst floor, nobody!!!! piss.
what's wrong with the new and upgraded lift? they are very slow, reacts like a retard. then the programming of the lift was really stupid. lift b which responded, cannot come down to 1st storey in a single shot. it stopped at 2, then lift a came down to the 1st storery. what stupid programming is this? must be done by PSC scholars!!!!!!
then, the man went out of the lift first after we reached storey 10. he was still browsing at the calendar. then he stood in the middle, neither going left or right (i'm supposed to go right) blocking my way. he seemed like he was going right, so being a good (but dun forget, i'm rushing to reach home, my bladder is bursting!) neighbour, i let him first. He turned left while still browsing at the calendar.
va boom! i banged my feet loudly as i walked. stupid lift, stupid man, waste my time. i wonder if he knows how to pronounce i-d-i-o-t.
3) ah boy keeps tickling me now as i typed. had to ask him to stop. very cheeky boy.
4) i have not done any xmas shopping. haha. that's why i hate xmas.
1) sharks, my skin is sensitive to sanitary pad
2)piss. first of all, high tide, so tried to rush home after buying dinner. reached void deck, a man opened letter box, council gave 2010 calendar, he looked through the calendar. wtf, press the lift button! nvm, i pressed the button.
lift A: storey 6, lift B: storey 10. lift b came down. after waiting some time, i looked up again. lift b stopped at 2. lift a, by this time has desccended to storey 2. then lift a came down. i was like wtf. ok, maybe there was someone in the lift. lift reached 1sst floor, nobody!!!! piss.
what's wrong with the new and upgraded lift? they are very slow, reacts like a retard. then the programming of the lift was really stupid. lift b which responded, cannot come down to 1st storey in a single shot. it stopped at 2, then lift a came down to the 1st storery. what stupid programming is this? must be done by PSC scholars!!!!!!
then, the man went out of the lift first after we reached storey 10. he was still browsing at the calendar. then he stood in the middle, neither going left or right (i'm supposed to go right) blocking my way. he seemed like he was going right, so being a good (but dun forget, i'm rushing to reach home, my bladder is bursting!) neighbour, i let him first. He turned left while still browsing at the calendar.
va boom! i banged my feet loudly as i walked. stupid lift, stupid man, waste my time. i wonder if he knows how to pronounce i-d-i-o-t.
3) ah boy keeps tickling me now as i typed. had to ask him to stop. very cheeky boy.
4) i have not done any xmas shopping. haha. that's why i hate xmas.
you know when it comes to the end of the year, then either you get those emails forecasting the 2010 with your animal zodiac signs or there will be lots of fortune books on sale now....
so was reading one email that friend forwarded, something that caught my eye. for those born in the year of the pig, you will be in love....so the first person that comes to my mind.... SIS! love is in the air for you next year, hooray!
but then again, 'sui yuan'. all these forecast, read read, laugh laugh over the good things, dun worry over the bad things, fate is in your own hands, you rule your life, of course, for those with religion, you rule your life with the guidance of God.
so, sis, imagine what a good laugh i had last nite after reading the email. ok, i should be going for a meeting now.
so was reading one email that friend forwarded, something that caught my eye. for those born in the year of the pig, you will be in love....so the first person that comes to my mind.... SIS! love is in the air for you next year, hooray!
but then again, 'sui yuan'. all these forecast, read read, laugh laugh over the good things, dun worry over the bad things, fate is in your own hands, you rule your life, of course, for those with religion, you rule your life with the guidance of God.
so, sis, imagine what a good laugh i had last nite after reading the email. ok, i should be going for a meeting now.
Monday, December 21, 2009
recently, the snow storm that is sweeping across europe and USA is causing chaos to many cities and upsetting people's lives.
even effiel tower was almost covered in snow and had to close for the day.
can you imagine yourself with your loved one, in paris, walking in the snow and under effiel tower? so romantic.
even effiel tower was almost covered in snow and had to close for the day.
can you imagine yourself with your loved one, in paris, walking in the snow and under effiel tower? so romantic.
i am so silly, i went to read dec 05 and early jan 06 post. one observation: i dun write as freely as before. there are some things i dun say too openly now. and i'm not as quirky in my blog post as i used to be. one post, allow me to copy and paste,
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
it's true, i can never love again. this i will bear for the rest of my life and not forgetting ur sorrow, pain, hurt and sadness.
time can heal all pain? i think i've said this before in 2005, it seems impossible at that time, but i stand firmly in my point, time will heal all pain.
people come into your life at different points for a reason. in retrospect, i do not know why our paths crossed at that time. things happen for a reason.
asking myself this question now, can i love again?
with regards to hubby, is it love or was it out of my duty as a wife, or was it out of my appreciation to him?
what is love, anyway? is a simple love, love? does love need to go through trials and turbulation then it's love?
seriously, i thought i can never love again. but love is a powerful thing which i dun understand, i think now and future, i will never understand it. so for now i'm willing to learn to love again.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
it's true, i can never love again. this i will bear for the rest of my life and not forgetting ur sorrow, pain, hurt and sadness.
time can heal all pain? i think i've said this before in 2005, it seems impossible at that time, but i stand firmly in my point, time will heal all pain.
people come into your life at different points for a reason. in retrospect, i do not know why our paths crossed at that time. things happen for a reason.
asking myself this question now, can i love again?
with regards to hubby, is it love or was it out of my duty as a wife, or was it out of my appreciation to him?
what is love, anyway? is a simple love, love? does love need to go through trials and turbulation then it's love?
seriously, i thought i can never love again. but love is a powerful thing which i dun understand, i think now and future, i will never understand it. so for now i'm willing to learn to love again.
Vacation at Club Med Cherating
Photos time!!!! Overall, it was an enjoyable trip, the kids definitely enjoyed their time together. besides the free flow of drinks that the adults enjoyed, i guess we all appreciated the vacation where we take a break from Singapore.
The bird cage
The swimsuit boy and the swimsuit gals and playing table tennis
some pictures taken while the children are playing golf
i like these: heineken boys and heineken gals
the airplane and at the airport
swimming time!
marcus, mabel, joey and cheryl performed in the show. Marcus was a snake, mabel, a tiger and joey and cheryl, a bird.
exercise time
group photo at airport
The bird cage
The swimsuit boy and the swimsuit gals and playing table tennis
some pictures taken while the children are playing golf
i like these: heineken boys and heineken gals
the airplane and at the airport
swimming time!
marcus, mabel, joey and cheryl performed in the show. Marcus was a snake, mabel, a tiger and joey and cheryl, a bird.
exercise time
group photo at airport
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
doing diy facial now at home. deep cleanse, facial mask. also do for dear dear. max doesn't like us to put the mask. he ran downstairs.
this is fun. guys, never take care of their face, even facial, must help them do. well, for most guys, they do not care. i do know that there is a small percentage of guys who take care of their skin. their skin care routine is more tedious than gals.
this is fun. guys, never take care of their face, even facial, must help them do. well, for most guys, they do not care. i do know that there is a small percentage of guys who take care of their skin. their skin care routine is more tedious than gals.
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
I cannot stand it when people do not smoke in the smoking corner that is designated to them. 1 cigarette nvm, cigarette after cigarette light up. Damn buay song. Can someone enlighten me the phone number to call?
Still f@ki du lan.
I'm going ro do some exercise to cool down
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod
Monday, December 07, 2009
Home is no longer where I feel happy.
Maybe it's the holiday time, end of 2009, so feeling blues. Pre new year blues. I remember last dec I also have the same feeling.
Or maybe becos of the stress of wanting to have a peaceful holiday, so maybe the pressure to settle a lot of things before going for holidays.
Anyway if god were to take my life away tomorrow, pls go ahead, I beg u. Sick and tired of life. as my blog says, like drifters drifting my life away.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod
Maybe it's the holiday time, end of 2009, so feeling blues. Pre new year blues. I remember last dec I also have the same feeling.
Or maybe becos of the stress of wanting to have a peaceful holiday, so maybe the pressure to settle a lot of things before going for holidays.
Anyway if god were to take my life away tomorrow, pls go ahead, I beg u. Sick and tired of life. as my blog says, like drifters drifting my life away.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod
Saturday, December 05, 2009
Thursday, December 03, 2009
Feel so full the whole day.
This morning, was in the neighbourhood, corridor was rather crowded. A lady squeezed herself past me, then her breast brushed my elbow leh. Dunno it's I molest her or she molest me.
Afternoon, went to buy another haversack for trip. Yup, all ready to go for holiday.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod
This morning, was in the neighbourhood, corridor was rather crowded. A lady squeezed herself past me, then her breast brushed my elbow leh. Dunno it's I molest her or she molest me.
Afternoon, went to buy another haversack for trip. Yup, all ready to go for holiday.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod
yesterday read in DL, this writer talks about resuscitating her facebook account, the pros and cons of facebook.
i've deactivate my facebook account for more than a month now. how is life without facebook? so far on a rating of 1-10, with 10 being the greatest, i would rate a 7.5.
benefits: i dun have this compulsive behaviour to log in to facebook first thing in the morning. i spend less time on the laptop, more time interacting with real people like my family members. i managed to clear some old children's clothings out. i begin surfing other websites like wickedweasel, part time domestic helper, hotels.
downside: won't be able to be updated with friends' recent activity, can't connect with friends and not able to monitor children's account. this is the 2.5 that i lost.
will i resuscitate my facebook account? for the time being, i dun see the need to.
i've deactivate my facebook account for more than a month now. how is life without facebook? so far on a rating of 1-10, with 10 being the greatest, i would rate a 7.5.
benefits: i dun have this compulsive behaviour to log in to facebook first thing in the morning. i spend less time on the laptop, more time interacting with real people like my family members. i managed to clear some old children's clothings out. i begin surfing other websites like wickedweasel, part time domestic helper, hotels.
downside: won't be able to be updated with friends' recent activity, can't connect with friends and not able to monitor children's account. this is the 2.5 that i lost.
will i resuscitate my facebook account? for the time being, i dun see the need to.
think the whole world must be twittering or facebooking or blogging about tiger woods now. well, for him who has always portray a clean image, it is of course detrimental.
you see, it's different if you are someone famous. how many percent of marriages do not have extramarital affairs? 20%? 30%?
then which side do you belong to?
you see, it's different if you are someone famous. how many percent of marriages do not have extramarital affairs? 20%? 30%?
then which side do you belong to?
Dunno why no time to update blog today.
Sopia finally went home today, wonder if she has reached home safely.
The rest I guess should be slowly falling into place. Had a good time dinner with Sally, steff and sis. Just 10 days more, hang in there.
As for mum, I hope she can hang in there too.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod
Sopia finally went home today, wonder if she has reached home safely.
The rest I guess should be slowly falling into place. Had a good time dinner with Sally, steff and sis. Just 10 days more, hang in there.
As for mum, I hope she can hang in there too.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod
Wednesday, December 02, 2009
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
I feel so suppressed staying at home. I hate dec.I hate 2010.
searching websites for domestic house cleaning service for mum. Confused, dunno whether to employ full time for her becos I seriously dun think she can change. With or without maid, it's equally stressful.
At home front, also I dunno how to describe.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm destined to be alone.
Hey suddenly I'm thinking my iPod touch no Chinese software.
not been able to sleep at night, thinking of tin's fate is looming, dunno how to express to her, thinking of 2 mums' problem, thinking of work, thinking of past.
searching websites for domestic house cleaning service for mum. Confused, dunno whether to employ full time for her becos I seriously dun think she can change. With or without maid, it's equally stressful.
At home front, also I dunno how to describe.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm destined to be alone.
Hey suddenly I'm thinking my iPod touch no Chinese software.
not been able to sleep at night, thinking of tin's fate is looming, dunno how to express to her, thinking of 2 mums' problem, thinking of work, thinking of past.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Thursday, November 26, 2009
somtimes, the brain just do things without thinking. used my school's email account username and id to sign in blogger. omg! only managed to strike off one thing from work - to do list. How 'efficient' i am!
this year xmas falls on friday. i think i will go away for xmas this year. next year cny also falls on long weekend, i also feel like going away for cny next year.
sometimes i wonder why do we have family members? some things are just so difficult to solve, to settle especially when it comes to dealing with family members. at least, for friends, this is how i settle the issue, happy, we can still continue to be friends, not happy, no friends. u badmouth me in front of friends, i dun give a single damn.
but for family members, u have to think like if i do this, what will happen in the future? next time, still has to meet. it is just not so straight forward. dun ask me to pray to God, becos in the end, i still have to settle the problem. God can give me the wisdom to handle and settle the issue, but i dun see God giving the other party the wisdom to accept. well, if God gives the other party the wisdom to accept in the first place, there wouldn't be so many issues to settle.
if God wants this to be a trial for me, to make me stronger, yeah, the stress is making me stronger and more resilient.
yup, i'm starting to sense that i'm running away from it all. i'm starting to sense that i'm clamping up. i'm starting to sense that 'just leave me alone' feeling.
i'm also wondering if i would turn out to be so crappy when i become an old woman.
this year xmas falls on friday. i think i will go away for xmas this year. next year cny also falls on long weekend, i also feel like going away for cny next year.
sometimes i wonder why do we have family members? some things are just so difficult to solve, to settle especially when it comes to dealing with family members. at least, for friends, this is how i settle the issue, happy, we can still continue to be friends, not happy, no friends. u badmouth me in front of friends, i dun give a single damn.
but for family members, u have to think like if i do this, what will happen in the future? next time, still has to meet. it is just not so straight forward. dun ask me to pray to God, becos in the end, i still have to settle the problem. God can give me the wisdom to handle and settle the issue, but i dun see God giving the other party the wisdom to accept. well, if God gives the other party the wisdom to accept in the first place, there wouldn't be so many issues to settle.
if God wants this to be a trial for me, to make me stronger, yeah, the stress is making me stronger and more resilient.
yup, i'm starting to sense that i'm running away from it all. i'm starting to sense that i'm clamping up. i'm starting to sense that 'just leave me alone' feeling.
i'm also wondering if i would turn out to be so crappy when i become an old woman.
the problem with me is that i lack commitment.
for example:
1) only when i'm running 2.4km, i went jogging. then after 2.4, i stopped jogging even though i tell myself that i should jog at least thrice a week.
2) was uzapping away for the past 2 nites, then last nite, was lazy again, didn't go through the routine
3) u know some ladies have a regular routine of cleansing, washing, toner and then moisturize? then at times, there are the night cream, eye cream and then moisturize the body? well, i can try for a few days, then i'll become lazy to go through the process.
4) even with marcus, i think i lack the commitment to see through the revision. i'm not like some parents who can sit down every night with their children without fail to go through their work and then when they realise that their child is not clear about some things, they will a) sign up for enrichment classes and b) more assessment books for their children to do. yes, i know of parents who are like that.
then they can sit down there with their children, watching them do assessment. so no life for the kids and the parents.
so with marcus, it is a struggle for me every time. on one hand, i wants him to do well, but on the other, i want him to enjoy his childhood. it's a difficult balance.
for example:
1) only when i'm running 2.4km, i went jogging. then after 2.4, i stopped jogging even though i tell myself that i should jog at least thrice a week.
2) was uzapping away for the past 2 nites, then last nite, was lazy again, didn't go through the routine
3) u know some ladies have a regular routine of cleansing, washing, toner and then moisturize? then at times, there are the night cream, eye cream and then moisturize the body? well, i can try for a few days, then i'll become lazy to go through the process.
4) even with marcus, i think i lack the commitment to see through the revision. i'm not like some parents who can sit down every night with their children without fail to go through their work and then when they realise that their child is not clear about some things, they will a) sign up for enrichment classes and b) more assessment books for their children to do. yes, i know of parents who are like that.
then they can sit down there with their children, watching them do assessment. so no life for the kids and the parents.
so with marcus, it is a struggle for me every time. on one hand, i wants him to do well, but on the other, i want him to enjoy his childhood. it's a difficult balance.
Above was a video done by some students to showcase during their grad nite, thought of uploading here. This is a nice batch of students. was their form teacher for 3 years. i've seen them work hard, i've seen them grow up, they are now a great bunch of gentlemen and ladies. We had our fun and laughter, we had our serious moments, of course, there were times when there were conflicts and misunderstandings in class. well, i guess that is part and parcel of life.
now that all have graduated, there will be much more for you to learn out there, we will not be there to watch out for you, you will have to learn to be independent. just remember the things and values we teach u. i will miss all of u!!!!!! i love you all.
(proofreading my blog, in case i say anything wrong, then kena stomped or issued warning letter by my boss!)
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
this morning woke up with a splitting headache on the left side. max didn't want me to go to work.
during meeting, i was a bit dazed. but i marvel at how the human mind can prop a person. no wonder they say if you got the will, you can survive. so the part on will is really what and how your mind tells you to behave. so if you tell yourself that you can work, you will be able to work properly.
during meeting, i was a bit dazed. but i marvel at how the human mind can prop a person. no wonder they say if you got the will, you can survive. so the part on will is really what and how your mind tells you to behave. so if you tell yourself that you can work, you will be able to work properly.
Monday, November 23, 2009
mon - back to school to do work and meeting. apart from having a fruitful meeting, other things that i planned to complete was not done. hence, feeling unproductive. and it doesn't help that the whole of my left side, starting from the neck to the shoulder is feeling muscle strain. part of the reason, didn't sleep well on ubin's pillow on friday night. another reason, too into ipod games, which i think adds on to the muscle strain.
feel like packing up to go home and come back to work tomorrow.
feel like packing up to go home and come back to work tomorrow.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
when i say that as a person, we have many roles to play, i didn't mean 'people pleaser'. oh pleassssssssssse, we dun want to please people all the time, that is even more super tiring.
sometimes i just wonder how the human brain adapt so fast that we become unaware of it. as adults, we already know what mode to switch to when we interact with certain people. and with so many roles to play, there is really no time for 'me'. more and more often, i so wish to be left alone. yes, alone, so that i do not have to play the role of a parent, a child, a sibling, a colleague, a friend, a foe. certain roles are unavoidable, so if i can choose to avoid any role like the role of a niece, i would try to avoid it at all cost, becos i'm really tired. dun ask me to be that good niece to give in and apologise. sorry, this is a role that i dun play often, this is a role which is of last priority, this is the role that i will avoid.
sometimes i wonder, why on earth am i still alive? life is meaningless, going through the same motions day by day, having to solve other people's problems. also as you grow up, you learnt to say that some things are better left unsaid. the more you say, the more problems it create, so it's better not to say anything.
sometimes i just wonder how the human brain adapt so fast that we become unaware of it. as adults, we already know what mode to switch to when we interact with certain people. and with so many roles to play, there is really no time for 'me'. more and more often, i so wish to be left alone. yes, alone, so that i do not have to play the role of a parent, a child, a sibling, a colleague, a friend, a foe. certain roles are unavoidable, so if i can choose to avoid any role like the role of a niece, i would try to avoid it at all cost, becos i'm really tired. dun ask me to be that good niece to give in and apologise. sorry, this is a role that i dun play often, this is a role which is of last priority, this is the role that i will avoid.
sometimes i wonder, why on earth am i still alive? life is meaningless, going through the same motions day by day, having to solve other people's problems. also as you grow up, you learnt to say that some things are better left unsaid. the more you say, the more problems it create, so it's better not to say anything.
it is a tiring day to begin with. last nite was graduation nite, so reached home quite late. so the brain is crying out 'not enough sleep'
this week, no doubt, is a hectic week. i don't even want to think too much about it plus it doesn't help if people are not helpful. just feel shitty. it's like you feel like you are part of people's pawn to play their game.
there is really no alliance in this game. you just felt so being used.
this week, no doubt, is a hectic week. i don't even want to think too much about it plus it doesn't help if people are not helpful. just feel shitty. it's like you feel like you are part of people's pawn to play their game.
there is really no alliance in this game. you just felt so being used.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
just reading the news and penning down my thoughts:
1) lately, some hospitals have been getting some bad publicity.
2) depression is the solution to many problems. from death penalty, once diagnosed with depression, it can be reduced to jail term.
3) the donated sunflowers for Dover Hospice were stolen from Raffles MRT. those people/person who stole the flowers, how evil and what an idiot. you will get 'bao ying'
1) lately, some hospitals have been getting some bad publicity.
2) depression is the solution to many problems. from death penalty, once diagnosed with depression, it can be reduced to jail term.
3) the donated sunflowers for Dover Hospice were stolen from Raffles MRT. those people/person who stole the flowers, how evil and what an idiot. you will get 'bao ying'
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
slowly, some problems are solved. there are some other problems to be solved. sigh... i'm now looking at a spider that climbed up the wall, wonder if a spider has that many problems to solve.
sometimes, just feel very tired. as an adult, we have many roles to play. we have to be a good worker. at home, we have to play the role of a spouse, parent, children, sibling, employer, even role as a niece!!!!! omg
sometimes, just feel very tired. as an adult, we have many roles to play. we have to be a good worker. at home, we have to play the role of a spouse, parent, children, sibling, employer, even role as a niece!!!!! omg
Monday, November 16, 2009
weekend was good with times spent catching up on sleep and spending time with children. weekend brought an unexpected gifts from kelvin. He bought a swimming trunks and bikini for us.
on sunday, we brought mum for dim sum. after that, just shopped around, so jocelyn bought some clothes for mum and sopia bought herself some clothes too. even marcus had a new set of clothings. some of his clothes are really getting small.
then it was back to amk for dinner and finally able to solve some problem there. just continue to pray that the execution will be smooth as well.
on sunday, we brought mum for dim sum. after that, just shopped around, so jocelyn bought some clothes for mum and sopia bought herself some clothes too. even marcus had a new set of clothings. some of his clothes are really getting small.
then it was back to amk for dinner and finally able to solve some problem there. just continue to pray that the execution will be smooth as well.
World Kindness Day was on 13 Nov. It is a day for you to show that you appreciate people, like your love ones, family and friends.
So on saturday night, bil (sis in law's hubby) bought all of us that yellow flower and a card each to show his appreciation to each and every one of the family member.
so on behalf of tan family, want to say a big thank you to kelvin. Thank you for your kind gesture.
also want to thank you and jocelyn for the things that you have done for mum and dad. even though the trip wasn't materialise, at least we tried to plan for one. thanks for always initiating to bring mum out for dim sum, dinner. Thank you.
So on saturday night, bil (sis in law's hubby) bought all of us that yellow flower and a card each to show his appreciation to each and every one of the family member.
so on behalf of tan family, want to say a big thank you to kelvin. Thank you for your kind gesture.
also want to thank you and jocelyn for the things that you have done for mum and dad. even though the trip wasn't materialise, at least we tried to plan for one. thanks for always initiating to bring mum out for dim sum, dinner. Thank you.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
saturday - in the morning, brought max to see a doc after breakfast. then went to the library to borrow books.
after that, had to went to philips at toa payoh to buy the coffee pot because the maid broke the coffee pot. $22 lei
after we came home, had lunch, then played dance dance revolution with the children. i was perspiring. not rigorous exercise but it was enough.
after that, had to went to philips at toa payoh to buy the coffee pot because the maid broke the coffee pot. $22 lei
after we came home, had lunch, then played dance dance revolution with the children. i was perspiring. not rigorous exercise but it was enough.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Monday, November 09, 2009
nice weekend, rest well. oh yah, went to buy a dining table on sat. good buy, 499 without the chairs, and it's extendable.
yeah, without facebook, on friday night, manage to pack max's old clothes for steff. feels good. i also managed to download quite a few pictures that was in my hp to the computer. now it is to put them on.
think i did not switch on the computer on sat and sun, which is a good thing.
so on sunday, went to steff's house to pass her the clothes. ser met us at steff's house and we went to this ulu place in selatar airbase for dinner. the buffalo wings had various level of intensity. the children has this big area to play and all the children made friends with one another and played together while the adults talked over dinner. nice place, just that it's really ulu.
yeah, without facebook, on friday night, manage to pack max's old clothes for steff. feels good. i also managed to download quite a few pictures that was in my hp to the computer. now it is to put them on.
think i did not switch on the computer on sat and sun, which is a good thing.
so on sunday, went to steff's house to pass her the clothes. ser met us at steff's house and we went to this ulu place in selatar airbase for dinner. the buffalo wings had various level of intensity. the children has this big area to play and all the children made friends with one another and played together while the adults talked over dinner. nice place, just that it's really ulu.
Friday, November 06, 2009
Thursday, November 05, 2009
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
today i had a full day seminar to attend. this is a 2 day seminar, so i'm going again tomorrow. It's at nanyang poly. suppose to register at 8am and the programme starts at around 9am, i reached nanyang poly by 7.40am. i was actually trying to delay time by going to the coffeeshop for a plate of mee rebus after i dropped marcus and mabel off for their school bus. i left tampines at around 7.15am, no hurry, just drive slowly. still too early.
anyway, during the seminar, besides doing my own brainstorming for next year's programme, (boy, makes me excited and look forward to 2010, a far cry from one or two days ago when i said that i actually dun look forward to 2010) ok, where was i? oh ok, i occasionally drifted off in my thoughts. i was like planning where to bring the kids during the holdiays, so here goes:
1) peranakan museum
2) national museum
3) marina barrage
4) sentosa
5) a family night out at boat quay (just want to sit opposite boat quay and let them experience the night skyline)
6) hay dairy
7) dairy farm (apparantly some visitor centre was newly opened recently)
anyway, during the seminar, besides doing my own brainstorming for next year's programme, (boy, makes me excited and look forward to 2010, a far cry from one or two days ago when i said that i actually dun look forward to 2010) ok, where was i? oh ok, i occasionally drifted off in my thoughts. i was like planning where to bring the kids during the holdiays, so here goes:
1) peranakan museum
2) national museum
3) marina barrage
4) sentosa
5) a family night out at boat quay (just want to sit opposite boat quay and let them experience the night skyline)
6) hay dairy
7) dairy farm (apparantly some visitor centre was newly opened recently)
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
Monday, November 02, 2009
correction
'if letting go brings happiness to the other party, if letting go gives the other party freedom, why not give this happiness to the one you love? if the one you love is happy, then i'm sure you will feel happy too. '
want to make correction to the above paragraph. yup, totally agree with Serena, letting go is not for the other party, letting go is for yourself. letting go of the misery the other party put you through, letting go of misery and saying hello to finding your own happiness.
want to make correction to the above paragraph. yup, totally agree with Serena, letting go is not for the other party, letting go is for yourself. letting go of the misery the other party put you through, letting go of misery and saying hello to finding your own happiness.
Brought the children to library on Saturday morning, it was closed until 2pm as they have some annual event. Well, marcus and max were disappointed, had to explain to them.
In the evening, brought the children for a drive around Woodgrove ave. Want them to see how other people celebrate halloween, how they decorated their houses with halloween decoration.
At night, family gathering. we had a big meeting.
on sunday morning, went back to the library again. the children borrowed some books, then we went to brewerkz. the children were not exactly hungry so did not ordered the pizza for them.
in the evening, we went to uncle john's house for steamboat dinner. well, only a small episode of unhappiness came out. argued over giving tin her dinner. the story:
gor yee and uncle john asked mum if tin ate her dinner. mum said no need, becos tin doesn't eat dinner. she ate a lot in the afternoon and she doesn't want to eat dinner. but gor yee and uncle john insisted. then mum said something that the maid lives with her, she knows the maid. and mum walked away from the dining table. then uncle john continued, mum continued and blah blah blah. i couldn't stand it, i just blurted in chinese 'the maid is only with us 2 years, 2 years later she will go back. she is like an outsider, do not let her ruin our family relationship.'
from where i'm sitting, i can see tin sitting in the kitchen. gor yee gave tin a plate of food. tin left it beside the sink. i shouted into the kitchen 'tin, auntie gor yee gave u food to eat, u better eat it now. dun put it aside.' inside my heart, i was fuming at her.
well, in retrospect, each of us started with something good. uncle john and gor yee is because they care for the welfare of the maid. for mum, she knows that the maid doesn't eat dinner, so she didn't want the food to be wasted. for me, i just want everyone to remember that hey, we are still a family, no point argue over this outsider.
so eventful night, but ended peacefully.
In the evening, brought the children for a drive around Woodgrove ave. Want them to see how other people celebrate halloween, how they decorated their houses with halloween decoration.
At night, family gathering. we had a big meeting.
on sunday morning, went back to the library again. the children borrowed some books, then we went to brewerkz. the children were not exactly hungry so did not ordered the pizza for them.
in the evening, we went to uncle john's house for steamboat dinner. well, only a small episode of unhappiness came out. argued over giving tin her dinner. the story:
gor yee and uncle john asked mum if tin ate her dinner. mum said no need, becos tin doesn't eat dinner. she ate a lot in the afternoon and she doesn't want to eat dinner. but gor yee and uncle john insisted. then mum said something that the maid lives with her, she knows the maid. and mum walked away from the dining table. then uncle john continued, mum continued and blah blah blah. i couldn't stand it, i just blurted in chinese 'the maid is only with us 2 years, 2 years later she will go back. she is like an outsider, do not let her ruin our family relationship.'
from where i'm sitting, i can see tin sitting in the kitchen. gor yee gave tin a plate of food. tin left it beside the sink. i shouted into the kitchen 'tin, auntie gor yee gave u food to eat, u better eat it now. dun put it aside.' inside my heart, i was fuming at her.
well, in retrospect, each of us started with something good. uncle john and gor yee is because they care for the welfare of the maid. for mum, she knows that the maid doesn't eat dinner, so she didn't want the food to be wasted. for me, i just want everyone to remember that hey, we are still a family, no point argue over this outsider.
so eventful night, but ended peacefully.
Friday, October 30, 2009
day 0 without facebook
technically, it can't be day 1 as i've not deleted the account yet. so i'll start from day 0.
surprisingly, i was calm. since i know that i'm going to delete the account tonight, i did not bother to go to any application to harvest or cook or dig treasure.
yes, i agree that it's painful to let go, but since determined and made up my mind, what's the point of holding on? so there was no frustration when the application couldn't load.
this is like life. When you made up your mind about certain things in life, you will let go, you will not worry so much. that's why if someone who plans to commit suicide will not continue to buy things, because you know that you are going to let go, what's the point of holding on to material stuff?
Let go, in chinese, fang kai. two very simple words, but very difficult to do. you really need to transcend beyond a certain level to be able to really let go. It is the same with love. painful to let go, but since determined, what's the point of holding on? holding on only brings suffering to many parties. if letting go brings happiness to the other party, if letting go gives the other party freedom, why not give this happiness to the one you love? if the one you love is happy, then i'm sure you will feel happy too.
so day 0 without facebook, makes me think hard about the phrase 'let go'.
surprisingly, i was calm. since i know that i'm going to delete the account tonight, i did not bother to go to any application to harvest or cook or dig treasure.
yes, i agree that it's painful to let go, but since determined and made up my mind, what's the point of holding on? so there was no frustration when the application couldn't load.
this is like life. When you made up your mind about certain things in life, you will let go, you will not worry so much. that's why if someone who plans to commit suicide will not continue to buy things, because you know that you are going to let go, what's the point of holding on to material stuff?
Let go, in chinese, fang kai. two very simple words, but very difficult to do. you really need to transcend beyond a certain level to be able to really let go. It is the same with love. painful to let go, but since determined, what's the point of holding on? holding on only brings suffering to many parties. if letting go brings happiness to the other party, if letting go gives the other party freedom, why not give this happiness to the one you love? if the one you love is happy, then i'm sure you will feel happy too.
so day 0 without facebook, makes me think hard about the phrase 'let go'.
death of my facebook account on halloween
which brings me to this post. I've decided to delete my facebook account on 2040 hr, 30 Oct 2009.
If you still want to contact me, i can be contacted via email. I'll still be updating my blog.
Goodbye facebook, hello children.
If you still want to contact me, i can be contacted via email. I'll still be updating my blog.
Goodbye facebook, hello children.
disappointed and angry
marcus didn't tell me that he got 66/100 for maths, he told his daddy. i only knew it from daddy just before we were about to go to sleep.
you can imagine after that, i toss and turn, cannot stand it, even in my pyjamas, i walked over to marcus' room, and asked him personally. being late, i didn't want to scold too much.
even until the next morning, though i can see that marcus tried to help me carry my things, i told him bluntly, 'no need, i can carry my own stuff.'
needless to say, i'm disappointed with him, angry with him. i think it's going to take months before i simmer down.
then as usual, reflect, reflect, reflect. how did things turn out this way? How can i make it better?
marcus is smart but lazy. he is smart but he needs guidance to unleash his potential.
then i reflect on my own. have i been spending too much time on facebook? have i been working too hard that i neglect him? thinking of this, it broke my heart even more. brings me to a point of thinking, should i quit my job to better look after my children? i really cannot balance work and children. i just feel so sad, i just feel so worthless, i just feel such a lousy mother. u care and work so hard with other people's children, u care about guarding whether you hit that percentage passes, whether you hit that MSG. by the time u reach home, u are so dead tired.
i really feel that i didn't give marcus enough attention. i really feel like a lousy mother. work so hard in career, but what do i get in the end? disappointment.
you can imagine after that, i toss and turn, cannot stand it, even in my pyjamas, i walked over to marcus' room, and asked him personally. being late, i didn't want to scold too much.
even until the next morning, though i can see that marcus tried to help me carry my things, i told him bluntly, 'no need, i can carry my own stuff.'
needless to say, i'm disappointed with him, angry with him. i think it's going to take months before i simmer down.
then as usual, reflect, reflect, reflect. how did things turn out this way? How can i make it better?
marcus is smart but lazy. he is smart but he needs guidance to unleash his potential.
then i reflect on my own. have i been spending too much time on facebook? have i been working too hard that i neglect him? thinking of this, it broke my heart even more. brings me to a point of thinking, should i quit my job to better look after my children? i really cannot balance work and children. i just feel so sad, i just feel so worthless, i just feel such a lousy mother. u care and work so hard with other people's children, u care about guarding whether you hit that percentage passes, whether you hit that MSG. by the time u reach home, u are so dead tired.
i really feel that i didn't give marcus enough attention. i really feel like a lousy mother. work so hard in career, but what do i get in the end? disappointment.
Monday, October 26, 2009
mabel said that i've not been updating my blog. well, really do not know what i want to blog about during the weekend. it's just a normal weekend for me.
but for the wife of the young doctor who died during the diving trip, it's not so normal for her.
just reinforce what i believe, life is short. live life to the fullest. spend your hard earn money on food, bringing the children out etc. never know when you'll just go like that. what's the point of having so much money with you when you carry it with you after you died?
for the living, life still has to go on.
but for the wife of the young doctor who died during the diving trip, it's not so normal for her.
just reinforce what i believe, life is short. live life to the fullest. spend your hard earn money on food, bringing the children out etc. never know when you'll just go like that. what's the point of having so much money with you when you carry it with you after you died?
for the living, life still has to go on.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
aiyo, mil is not feeling well again. on tues and wed, she drank a can of soda each. i think it started yesterday, dunno exactly what she is feeling not well. only know that sopia had to apply ointment for her, seems like body is aching all over.
this morning or should i say for the past 1 hour since 6am, father has been walking in and out of the room, open door, close door. and you know lah, father always open/close the door very loud. now mother is crying, father is like scolding her...
i think mother will call joycelyn today, because dear dear is angry with mother for drinking the soda. He doesn't understand why she so stubborn. so he is going to take the cannot be bothered attitude.
but we all agree that father is the most 'poor thing' here. imagine, he worked the late shift last night, must have only 2-3 hours of sleep. this morning with mother like that, i think he is going to mumble mumble mumble. i hope he has enough rest before going to work later in the afternoon. or is it his off day today?
last night, mabel and max was playing jigsaw puzzle, mother asked why they are playing with her sleepoing pills, her medicine. when we heard this, we were like ????
ok, will knock off on the dot today and come home early.
this morning or should i say for the past 1 hour since 6am, father has been walking in and out of the room, open door, close door. and you know lah, father always open/close the door very loud. now mother is crying, father is like scolding her...
i think mother will call joycelyn today, because dear dear is angry with mother for drinking the soda. He doesn't understand why she so stubborn. so he is going to take the cannot be bothered attitude.
but we all agree that father is the most 'poor thing' here. imagine, he worked the late shift last night, must have only 2-3 hours of sleep. this morning with mother like that, i think he is going to mumble mumble mumble. i hope he has enough rest before going to work later in the afternoon. or is it his off day today?
last night, mabel and max was playing jigsaw puzzle, mother asked why they are playing with her sleepoing pills, her medicine. when we heard this, we were like ????
ok, will knock off on the dot today and come home early.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
ok, now for the most important post of the day:
this article talks about fortune... blink blink.... who doesn't want fortune. but upon reading it, the fortune is not that money wise fortune, but things like happiness kind of fortune.
ok, there are some very cheem 16 words in chinese which i cannot remember. it started with a story. morale of the story... where is the happiness if you don't what you have?
this person (xing yun fa shi) does not deny that you need money to survive... but human nature, (literal translation from chinese)
when you have finished eating, you think of having seafood, abalone etc
when you have a home, you think of having a mansion
when you have a hundred thousand, you think of having a millions
when you have a job, you think of climbing higher
so this cycle goes on and on, our whole life is going after 'what we want to have' and not using what we already own.
also he said that besides money, the more important things in life that we should be going after are things like happiness, compassion, health etc (there were quite a few qualities listed, but i can't seem to recall many)
so my own reflection after i read this article:
it is really so true! i mean some time ago, i did realise this... about what's the point of having so much and when you die, you cannot bring it along with you? i guess i just needed someone or something to remind me.
so i'll put off thoughts like 'hmm, this condo not bad' 'this house not bad' 'this house is for sale' because harbouring such thoughts make you want to have. then the thought becomes a desire, then the desire becomes a must have.
same with work... there were once, long ago, i wanted to step down... but after much persuasion from colleagues and weighing the pros and cons, i didn't make the request. decided to grit my teeth.
now reading this article, it makes me think about my work again.
so make a firm decision, when there is extra money, (let me stress, when there is extra money)first priority, bring children for vacation. next, don't stinge on good food to reward ourselves for the hard work. ok, tonight will treat the children their favourite food, spaghetti. next, good wine/beer to share with people during gathering. then, home furnishing to make the current home a better place to live in.
this article talks about fortune... blink blink.... who doesn't want fortune. but upon reading it, the fortune is not that money wise fortune, but things like happiness kind of fortune.
ok, there are some very cheem 16 words in chinese which i cannot remember. it started with a story. morale of the story... where is the happiness if you don't what you have?
this person (xing yun fa shi) does not deny that you need money to survive... but human nature, (literal translation from chinese)
when you have finished eating, you think of having seafood, abalone etc
when you have a home, you think of having a mansion
when you have a hundred thousand, you think of having a millions
when you have a job, you think of climbing higher
so this cycle goes on and on, our whole life is going after 'what we want to have' and not using what we already own.
also he said that besides money, the more important things in life that we should be going after are things like happiness, compassion, health etc (there were quite a few qualities listed, but i can't seem to recall many)
so my own reflection after i read this article:
it is really so true! i mean some time ago, i did realise this... about what's the point of having so much and when you die, you cannot bring it along with you? i guess i just needed someone or something to remind me.
so i'll put off thoughts like 'hmm, this condo not bad' 'this house not bad' 'this house is for sale' because harbouring such thoughts make you want to have. then the thought becomes a desire, then the desire becomes a must have.
same with work... there were once, long ago, i wanted to step down... but after much persuasion from colleagues and weighing the pros and cons, i didn't make the request. decided to grit my teeth.
now reading this article, it makes me think about my work again.
so make a firm decision, when there is extra money, (let me stress, when there is extra money)first priority, bring children for vacation. next, don't stinge on good food to reward ourselves for the hard work. ok, tonight will treat the children their favourite food, spaghetti. next, good wine/beer to share with people during gathering. then, home furnishing to make the current home a better place to live in.
repeating action number 2: drive to work.
except that i tell myself that today i'll drive slowly and promise not to outrun the car in front of me....
so slow song, wind down window, drive slowly. enjoy the song. car signal, want to come into my lane, go ahead. bus signal, want to come out from bus bay, go ahead.... slow and easy
yah, since i mention this.... another night of quietness between us... last night had a very strong urge to take the car and enjoy a slow drive along ecp. but didn't because today i need to go to workshop, want to conserve some petrol. that's why the article about every boday needs about 15 mins of privacy each day clicks so well. last night, if i would have taken a ride, i guess i would have felt better, much better. i guess i wouldn't have this heavy feeling in my heart, which i still have now, and i can't explain why.
except that i tell myself that today i'll drive slowly and promise not to outrun the car in front of me....
so slow song, wind down window, drive slowly. enjoy the song. car signal, want to come into my lane, go ahead. bus signal, want to come out from bus bay, go ahead.... slow and easy
yah, since i mention this.... another night of quietness between us... last night had a very strong urge to take the car and enjoy a slow drive along ecp. but didn't because today i need to go to workshop, want to conserve some petrol. that's why the article about every boday needs about 15 mins of privacy each day clicks so well. last night, if i would have taken a ride, i guess i would have felt better, much better. i guess i wouldn't have this heavy feeling in my heart, which i still have now, and i can't explain why.
Dear blog,
i wake up today, feeling that it's another day where i repeat most of the actions which i did yesterday.
As i was in the toilet, which i find it to be a very conducive place for me to think of difficult task (don't ask me why), thought through the day's work, what i need to complete, prepping myself for the day, managed to iron out processes of some difficult work tasksssssssss (note the many s i put behind), let out a sigh and here i go again.
repeating action 1: sit at dining table, drink coffee, read yesterday's chinese newspaper. why am i reading chinese newspaper? it's the only one that the family bought.
as i was reading, many reports made me stop and reflect. took unusually long time to finish the newspaper.
a) some rich old lady came to Singapore to seek treatment for her illness. when she died, her 7 children created a scene as to where she is to be buried. Police has to be summoned. (some snatched away the funeral van's key, some block the road with their mercedes) that is the problem when you are rich, died and definitely your children will be fighting over your assets. will definitely not happen if i'm poor.
b)another article talks about everyone should have 15 mins of privacy every day. which i think it's good, even for couples/spouses. some people needed the 15 mins to allow their creative juice to flow. some used the 15 mins to give thanks for the day.
that brings me to an article that says daydreaming is good. daydreaming helps you make connections, which is good for Marcus, but then he has to know when to and when not to.
c) another article, i will elaborate in detail in the next post.
d) just feel that taiwan's jin zhong jiang, hong kong's wu xian and our own star awards, all are so fake. most of these presentations have an agenda, to help so-and-so actresses or actors to have award because they have been identified as the next big star. then the actresses/actors will be upset for not getting an award, though they are promised by company that they would get an award.
yah, talking about this, sometimes i feel that it's so lame/stupid when the company has to write a script to purposefully suit a role to the actress. like recently the channel 8's show 'baby bonus' at 9pm.... the motorcycle stunt was specially slotted to highlight 'what is her name?'s character in the show. It's totally lame, uncool and so fake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! actually i've forgotten about this, but newspaper reported this 2 days ago.... reported how the actress posed in front of the fire, very brave lah, never complain lah, blah blah blah. i literally wanted to spit at the newspaper. hokkien says spit smelly saliva. so fake!!!!!!!!!!!
i wake up today, feeling that it's another day where i repeat most of the actions which i did yesterday.
As i was in the toilet, which i find it to be a very conducive place for me to think of difficult task (don't ask me why), thought through the day's work, what i need to complete, prepping myself for the day, managed to iron out processes of some difficult work tasksssssssss (note the many s i put behind), let out a sigh and here i go again.
repeating action 1: sit at dining table, drink coffee, read yesterday's chinese newspaper. why am i reading chinese newspaper? it's the only one that the family bought.
as i was reading, many reports made me stop and reflect. took unusually long time to finish the newspaper.
a) some rich old lady came to Singapore to seek treatment for her illness. when she died, her 7 children created a scene as to where she is to be buried. Police has to be summoned. (some snatched away the funeral van's key, some block the road with their mercedes) that is the problem when you are rich, died and definitely your children will be fighting over your assets. will definitely not happen if i'm poor.
b)another article talks about everyone should have 15 mins of privacy every day. which i think it's good, even for couples/spouses. some people needed the 15 mins to allow their creative juice to flow. some used the 15 mins to give thanks for the day.
that brings me to an article that says daydreaming is good. daydreaming helps you make connections, which is good for Marcus, but then he has to know when to and when not to.
c) another article, i will elaborate in detail in the next post.
d) just feel that taiwan's jin zhong jiang, hong kong's wu xian and our own star awards, all are so fake. most of these presentations have an agenda, to help so-and-so actresses or actors to have award because they have been identified as the next big star. then the actresses/actors will be upset for not getting an award, though they are promised by company that they would get an award.
yah, talking about this, sometimes i feel that it's so lame/stupid when the company has to write a script to purposefully suit a role to the actress. like recently the channel 8's show 'baby bonus' at 9pm.... the motorcycle stunt was specially slotted to highlight 'what is her name?'s character in the show. It's totally lame, uncool and so fake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! actually i've forgotten about this, but newspaper reported this 2 days ago.... reported how the actress posed in front of the fire, very brave lah, never complain lah, blah blah blah. i literally wanted to spit at the newspaper. hokkien says spit smelly saliva. so fake!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
ever get this feeling? wake up in the morning, go through the motions that you are suppose to do... like go to work, finish up your work, hee hee haa haa, blah blah blah, come back home, bathe, eat dinner, talk to children, facebook, watch tv, then sleep? then the next day, you start all over again.....
feels like a robot.
feels like a robot.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
today met up with mum, aunt sue and sis at east coast tung lok for dinner. it was a sumptous dinner. after dinner, we walked around the shops to pass time. When we walked further in, there were rides for the children. there was a mini viking. so marcus and mabel had a try on it. at first, mabel was afraid, so i went with her. then after playing, they liked it so much. they went on two more rides before going ont the viking a second time. this time, max wanted to try the viking, so daddy had to accompany him. I guess it was brave of him to try, despite him closing his eyes and holding on to daddy very tightly.
yesterday brought the kids to pasir ris park for cycling. brought one bicycle there, but in the end, didn't use it because max ride the bicycle too slow. so marcus and mabel hired one bicycle each, then we hired a double bike with a child seat. however, marcus got the bicycle that was very difficult to cycle, so exchange with mabel as mabel is better at cycling.
but on the way back to the rental shop, mabel was too tired to cycle, so i jogged beside her and encouraged her while marcus and daddy cycled in front. at the last part of the journey, let mabel sit the double bike while max took the bicycle, so i slowly pushed him as he cycled back to the shop.
after that, we managed to go to the florist to grab a bigger pot and some soil for the plant which was outside our home.
but on the way back to the rental shop, mabel was too tired to cycle, so i jogged beside her and encouraged her while marcus and daddy cycled in front. at the last part of the journey, let mabel sit the double bike while max took the bicycle, so i slowly pushed him as he cycled back to the shop.
after that, we managed to go to the florist to grab a bigger pot and some soil for the plant which was outside our home.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
since last wed's over eating and heartburn issue, i've been having this gastric juices in the stomach feeling. I cannot be too hungry nor too full. been on and off this past week.
today, didn't have time to eat lunch, hence, by the time i ate dinner just now at 6pm, the gastric juice is really working hard at gnawing my stomach walls. even now after dinner, i still feel uncomfortable in the tummy. just feel like leaning foward and slouch, makes the stomach better.
today, didn't have time to eat lunch, hence, by the time i ate dinner just now at 6pm, the gastric juice is really working hard at gnawing my stomach walls. even now after dinner, i still feel uncomfortable in the tummy. just feel like leaning foward and slouch, makes the stomach better.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
today's been a good day at home with max. brought him to see a doc for his running nose. but it was the company that i enjoyed with him.
honestly i also dunno why i'm blogging at this hour. i should be sleeping. i was actually ok, but just now, during 9 plus, mabel gave me her black sesame paste which she couldn't finish. i couldn't bear to throw away too, so i helped her finish. hmm, a little regret. stomach is feeling bloaty now.... feel like puking out the food. but i hate to puke, those sour-y taste that lingers in your mouth, that yellow juice that was churned out from your gastric, ewwwwwwwww, gross.
i will go to sleep after harvesting my egg plant in country story. another 15 mins, then see if my points can catch up with kelvin or not. yes or no, can sleep better after knowing the results. ha.
honestly i also dunno why i'm blogging at this hour. i should be sleeping. i was actually ok, but just now, during 9 plus, mabel gave me her black sesame paste which she couldn't finish. i couldn't bear to throw away too, so i helped her finish. hmm, a little regret. stomach is feeling bloaty now.... feel like puking out the food. but i hate to puke, those sour-y taste that lingers in your mouth, that yellow juice that was churned out from your gastric, ewwwwwwwww, gross.
i will go to sleep after harvesting my egg plant in country story. another 15 mins, then see if my points can catch up with kelvin or not. yes or no, can sleep better after knowing the results. ha.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
mabel is so sweet, she thanked me for giving birth to her and luckily i didn't die as she knows that some mothers died after giving birth.
so to mabel:
i also want to thank you for giving us 8 years of joy and happiness. You always surprise me with your ability to know where all our things are. want to thank you for being such a great help to us in looking after your brothers.
Of course, as a young child of only 8 years, nothing is perfect. You have your weaknesses that we would like you to overcome and improve yourself in terms of character building.
We really wish you all the best for your future, a bright future. may you grow up to be a resilient girl with a kind heart.
so to mabel:
i also want to thank you for giving us 8 years of joy and happiness. You always surprise me with your ability to know where all our things are. want to thank you for being such a great help to us in looking after your brothers.
Of course, as a young child of only 8 years, nothing is perfect. You have your weaknesses that we would like you to overcome and improve yourself in terms of character building.
We really wish you all the best for your future, a bright future. may you grow up to be a resilient girl with a kind heart.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
reflection on pubic hair
no, this is not going to be a RA post. i will leave this to the imagination of the adult. define, adult age 21 and above and married.
anyway, i was just wondering, why must humans grow pubic hair? hubby's philosophy is in ancient time, maybe cavemen dun wear clothes, therefore pubic hair was naturally sown and grown to cover the most crucial part.
ok, anyway, my reflection is, i just feel that pubic hair breeds germ. what do i mean by that? let me further illustrate. after you finish with big business, you need to clean, right? in what direction do you clean? you clean from the back to the front, right? (are you picturing this?) so as you clean to the front, imagine some shit get stuck by the pubic hair. a little unhyginic if we don't wash later, right?
so i really feel that it breeds germs if not taken care properly.
anyway, i was just wondering, why must humans grow pubic hair? hubby's philosophy is in ancient time, maybe cavemen dun wear clothes, therefore pubic hair was naturally sown and grown to cover the most crucial part.
ok, anyway, my reflection is, i just feel that pubic hair breeds germ. what do i mean by that? let me further illustrate. after you finish with big business, you need to clean, right? in what direction do you clean? you clean from the back to the front, right? (are you picturing this?) so as you clean to the front, imagine some shit get stuck by the pubic hair. a little unhyginic if we don't wash later, right?
so i really feel that it breeds germs if not taken care properly.
yesterday just ate ban mian for lunch and dinner... yah, during meeting, cakes and honeydew... after dinner, i still feel a bit pain in the stomach, like gastric pain. hmm, did i overeat? anyway, went to sleep and pain went away.
good to wake up in the morning and then seeing son son lying beside you, sleeping soundly. makes you feel that all the work is worth it. it's for him.
good to wake up in the morning and then seeing son son lying beside you, sleeping soundly. makes you feel that all the work is worth it. it's for him.
Friday, October 09, 2009
reflection on heartburn
feeling much better today after medication. so i realise, i cannot overeat. yesterday was hellish for me with the wind inside churning and can't even stand straight. slept a lot yesterday too.
but then, despite not eating for the whole day yesterday, i didn't even lose 1 kg!!!!! how can this be possible???????
today, i'll still go on a soft diet like fruits or porridge. can feel that the stomach walls are weak.
but then, despite not eating for the whole day yesterday, i didn't even lose 1 kg!!!!! how can this be possible???????
today, i'll still go on a soft diet like fruits or porridge. can feel that the stomach walls are weak.
Thursday, October 08, 2009
eating very full the previous night is worse than getting drunk. this morning when i woke up, i could feel my tummy is not feeling good. those gastric kind of feeling. feels like throwing up. the wind is churning in your tummy, then u burp (or either fart) to let out the gas. i hate the churning feeling. it's worse than hangover!
just like grandma, remember there was once, she threw up after eating a buffet. I guess that is the exact feeling i'm feeling now. just that i'm trying to control not to throw up, because i hate that after feeling of throwing up.
hmmm, i'm seriously thinking if i should go check my body. thinking if i've got mild heart attack before. sometimes i do feel chest pain.
ok stop scaring myself. i think i'll take a short rest.
just like grandma, remember there was once, she threw up after eating a buffet. I guess that is the exact feeling i'm feeling now. just that i'm trying to control not to throw up, because i hate that after feeling of throwing up.
hmmm, i'm seriously thinking if i should go check my body. thinking if i've got mild heart attack before. sometimes i do feel chest pain.
ok stop scaring myself. i think i'll take a short rest.
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
and when i come home at almost 11pm, guess what? max was still awake. he was actually lying down and watching cartoon, when he saw me open the door, he sat up, eyes brightened up so big and came to give me a big hug.
as for marcus and mabel, went to their room to check on them before i entered my room. they were already fast asleep. planted some kisses on their cheeks.
as for marcus and mabel, went to their room to check on them before i entered my room. they were already fast asleep. planted some kisses on their cheeks.
today at 5pm, decided to leave school. then i had to detour to amk to settle some things. so after settling the things, mum asked me if want to go for dinner with her, sis and auntie luk yee, 1 for 1 buffet dinner. who can turn down a nice sumptous dinner?
so agreed. we started to have our dinner at 7.45. we ate and chatted until almost 9.45pm. it was a chat over dinner.
on the way home, pass by orchard road. really blur in orchard road. goes to show how long i have not been to orchard road. after sending them home, i took a slow ride home. wind down windows, listen to music. i think i said before, i like this kind of feeling.
today was really impromptu. although at the back of my mind, i was like, hmmm, my crops expire already or not... but it was a good break from facebook. it's really like after a long day of work, you go for a good and slow dinner. should not let whether it's late or not to bother you. u actually feel very refresh after a shower. u actually look forward to work tomorrow as you feel good.
so agreed. we started to have our dinner at 7.45. we ate and chatted until almost 9.45pm. it was a chat over dinner.
on the way home, pass by orchard road. really blur in orchard road. goes to show how long i have not been to orchard road. after sending them home, i took a slow ride home. wind down windows, listen to music. i think i said before, i like this kind of feeling.
today was really impromptu. although at the back of my mind, i was like, hmmm, my crops expire already or not... but it was a good break from facebook. it's really like after a long day of work, you go for a good and slow dinner. should not let whether it's late or not to bother you. u actually feel very refresh after a shower. u actually look forward to work tomorrow as you feel good.
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
this week things slow down. last week taking bullet train, now taking old car. enjoying the relax mood.
max is so funny. he came in and asked if he can use the internet, i said yes, then he is so happy and he kissed me. ok, he wants to type some words.
xqdfereffdfgter3ftref3getejhy5jyuncnf jnchgmvmkkbkjcjbuhgguc,ckucymhycmjufhiuigjumjvkv,vkvkvckigkiunhvmbkkvlk kjdkf ifigj kfkgjkjkjkgjgkgkgokgogkg
max is so funny. he came in and asked if he can use the internet, i said yes, then he is so happy and he kissed me. ok, he wants to type some words.
xqdfereffdfgter3ftref3getejhy5jyuncnf jnchgmvmkkbkjcjbuhgguc,ckucymhycmjufhiuigjumjvkv,vkvkvckigkiunhvmbkkvlk kjdkf ifigj kfkgjkjkjkgjgkgkgokgogkg
Monday, October 05, 2009
saturday after dinner, brought the kids down to take lantern. it was a quiet and wet mid autumn festival.
on sunday, brought mabel to go and order her b-day cake. wanted to queue at singtel to 'queue' for the iphone. saw the queue before singtel shop opens, forget it.
came back home, shower and then went to brewerkz. It was very crowded, because they showed F1 Japan race live and rugby final live. so it was very crowded. but it was exciting to watch with so many people. the moan, the cheer, even the children soak up to the feelings.
then thought of going home, but needed to get some presents, so we pop by raffles city and after getting the presents, we went to amk to celebrate sis and mum's b day.
on sunday, brought mabel to go and order her b-day cake. wanted to queue at singtel to 'queue' for the iphone. saw the queue before singtel shop opens, forget it.
came back home, shower and then went to brewerkz. It was very crowded, because they showed F1 Japan race live and rugby final live. so it was very crowded. but it was exciting to watch with so many people. the moan, the cheer, even the children soak up to the feelings.
then thought of going home, but needed to get some presents, so we pop by raffles city and after getting the presents, we went to amk to celebrate sis and mum's b day.
Saturday, October 03, 2009
reflection on 2.4km
this morning, went to run 2.4km.
1st round, ok, slow and easy. 2nd round, perservering. 3rd round, still perservering. 4th round, i can do this, half completed. 5th round, dying soon. perservere, dun stop, 2nd last round! slowed down considerably for the person to ask me if i want to go on, i just pointed 'good' sign, i'm still ok, one last round to go. 6h round, i can do this, i can do this. very tired, pushing on very hard. i've come so far, it's not possible for me to give up now.continue jogging, jogging and jogging. last 200m, finishing soon! last 100m, open up and sprint. reach destination, made it!
it's really a test of endurance for me. am surprise i can complete the run. judging that i've only ran 3 times in the past 2 weeks and it's not even 2.4km.
but it feels good after an hour or so. u feel fresh after a shower. u feel good. i should go jogging more often. it is like to stimulate the metabolic rate.
1st round, ok, slow and easy. 2nd round, perservering. 3rd round, still perservering. 4th round, i can do this, half completed. 5th round, dying soon. perservere, dun stop, 2nd last round! slowed down considerably for the person to ask me if i want to go on, i just pointed 'good' sign, i'm still ok, one last round to go. 6h round, i can do this, i can do this. very tired, pushing on very hard. i've come so far, it's not possible for me to give up now.continue jogging, jogging and jogging. last 200m, finishing soon! last 100m, open up and sprint. reach destination, made it!
it's really a test of endurance for me. am surprise i can complete the run. judging that i've only ran 3 times in the past 2 weeks and it's not even 2.4km.
but it feels good after an hour or so. u feel fresh after a shower. u feel good. i should go jogging more often. it is like to stimulate the metabolic rate.
Friday, October 02, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)