new haircut

yesterday... went for a hair cut... thanks to one student, XF, who keep calling me, mrs old lady wif split ends hair... actually it's not really the student's comment that made me go and cut my hair, i think my haircut is long overdue. When i told the hairdresser that the last time i had a hair cut was last Dec, he was like in total disbelief.

post mortem: guess it's good... makes me feel lighter... kind of like lessening the burden that i've been carrying for the past few months.

met YY on the way back... on the escalator... weird place to meet her... weird because i was coming down the escalator and she was juz about to go up the escalator....she was wif Siling... Siling showed me her baby's picture... Siling, your bb is chubby and very cute, happy motherhood!

we didn't talk long as we were standing there.... that makes me think of catching up wif old friends... to BH's the other significant half... pls tell BH that i miss her, miss as in catching up wif her and YY. today is 13th Sept and 13 is wat links us together.

1st day of school

had a wonderful start to the day... on the way to school.

but now in school, system not used to it... engine very difficult to move fast.... even words that come out from my mouth, one piece one piece..... but students have a good laugh at my silly mistakes...

some pictures of marcus and mabel











These are the shots taken by mabel... i personally like the shoe photo











these are shots taken by marcus. He mostly took mabel, becos i guess being in front, it's easy to take her shots... but i really like these few.

cd rom

marcus and mabel was given 2 cd roms on monday. since then, they have been playing the cd rom. On monday nite, marcus actually didn't want to sleep and we have to force him to sleep. Then on tuesday, marcus was playing the cd rom, he actually high tide, he was standing up and standing very uncomfortably, but he didn't go to the toilet, had to stop him also.

on wed, he started playing the cd rom at 4 something in the afternoon, only until 10 something at nite, then he said he dun want to play already... of course, in between there were toilet breaks, dinner break and sometimes, it was mabel's turn to play.

more thoughts on masters
it's easy to decide, go for masters. why not? it's also easy for people to tell me to go for it. of course, it's easy to say, but do u know how frightening it is before u commit to it? when u go for it, do u know how many things it implies and implicates? ok, that aside, wat about balancing watever u have now? who can help u when u feel stressed abt not balancing well? all people can do is to offer their 'condolenses' and encouragement... u still had to take the shit yourself.

Happy anniversary

realise that soon, my blog is 1 year old. i've started writing my blog since last september... time passes so fast and it gets faster as u grow older.

no anniversary special.... no time to think also, mentally exhaustive after the n level SS paper. well, even tho it's not me who take the paper, but the worry for the students, enough to kill me...

anyway, come to a cross junction of my life again... i'm not sure if i want to pursue my Masters or not... seems attractive to pursue my Masters, not so worried about the timing of the class and that i can't absorb... i felt that it's good to learn more... wat i worried is... if i pursue my Masters next year, that means that it will clash wif my intention of quitting the job after my bond.... i have to tread carefully, but i've only up to Sept 30 to consider, cos it's the deadline for signing up the modules.

channel 8 9pm show

was watching this show, quite enjoyed the show. talks about child birth.....

a) a lady, married, old, trying hard to get pregnant, pressured by herself, her past abortion and her mil to get pregnant... then the usual thing abt going to doc to check up, bringing the husband to check up as well....

b) another lady, single, get herself pregnant, talk abt unwed mother.

c) this one really got me... career minded woman... already had a daughter (btw, the gal who acted in this character, she's good....) never spend enuf time wif her family, work first. well, i'm not that career minded as her, but i certainly didn't spend enuf quality time wif my family.
last nite's episode, she was deciding whether to abort her 2nd child or not.... (touch my heart) then she finally decided not to....
but last nite's episode, she and her husband has got a misunderstanding. they would be going thru the divorce and probably fight for the custody of their only daughter..... i was juz thinking, she should have let the husband have the custody of the daughter since she has already decided to keep the 2nd one.

this touch my heart. becos maybe it's the little gal's acting... she cried and drew nice pictures of her family. mayb i couldn't bear to see her cry, cos i will not be able to take it if m&m does the same thing too.... but i think this is quite true in Singapore's context today... how many young children have cried over broken families/broken homes? we never know how much impact or how affected children are over these things.....

so cold

i could feel it was cold, i could feel it between us... it's like an invisible berlin wall, freezing me....
i could see it in your eyes.... the wave of cold air seems to have been dispersed from your eyes and sent a chill down my spine. It freezes my heart so much that it broke the heart.

i know there is nothing i can say or do... yes, i know u have the right to be angry... i know the song that u played was meant for me, was meant to scold me....

but i do not know what u mean by 'you've had your run and you have to go home'

2 days mc

after pulau ubin, i was ill. for 2 days, mc 2 days, sore throat, cough and flu.... today i had a bit of fever, but subside already

so lousy, just 3D2N camp and i fell ill...

back from ubin

ok, i'm back from ubin... the 3D2N huh... well, i didn't really get to go down to the beach, too dark, the stars, not too many, but they were bright though.... but i did mark my papers under the stars, i only went in to sleep becos there were juz too many centipedes and a big bug that looks like small cockroach that was lingering ard my feet, that was the bug that got me to sleep in the 1st nite.

the next day, had to follow the campers out while trekking... the weather is very hot.... and have to keep on moving, cannot stop moving, once u stop moving, u see a few mosquitoes, at least 8 or 9 of them hovering ard your legs. luckily i wore slacks... plus lots of insect repellent.

2nd nite, couldn't mark, too exhausted.

glad to be back on mainland...noticed a lot of tourists and foreigners at pulau ubin... got a few mosquito bites, some rash on my leg... plus sore throat, cough and flu.... and lots of undone work.

character analysis

juz did some stupid character analysis test.... how true.. let me give u the analysis of my character:

strong will, not dependent on others, gave the impression of lone-ranger

curious, sensual

at 1st glance, difficult to get along, but when others begin to talk to you, they find that you are easy going. when the relationship develops, they find u affable.

androgynous charm - popular with all genders

i dun like the dark side to be seen
i may look cool on the surface, but beneath, i'm really passionate.
only people who know my true self - long-lasting relationship

pulau ubin

will be at pulau ubin this weekend. well, perhaps it will be a good break from being in sg... feels like going overseas, well, urmmmmmm, at least i get to cross the sea.... i hope the nature there will do wonders to me... maybe perk me up. will remind myself to look at the stars, to enjoy the breeze, to listen to the sea at night, to soak up the smell of equatorial rainforest.

i won't be forgetting that i have tons of papers to mark... but i really hope that Mother Nature can relax me.

oh yah before i forget, on 28/08, himer should be ard 16-17 weeks. and himer should look like this:

i hate work

watever i say is work related....

i hate work....! oh god..... pls, i understand there is deadline, but with everyone having deadline for everyone... ????

and if we rush out the project this year, next year they believe that we can do the same for them. and the problem is, if you don't do it.. that goes to show that u r defiant, u r not cooperative, if other teachers can do it, why can't u? u are not doing your best... i hate this... and some teachers are willing to stay back on saturday until 7pm??!!??? omg, where is family time???!!!??? i know some may not have a family, but der, i have one... and my children are starting to complain that why i'm always working at home...........

i'll juz do wat i can, dun expect the best from me, u want things done, i will do, but bare minimum. life goes on, look forward....

my strengths

did this strengthquest thingy... here are my five top signature themes....

1) adaptability: something like live for the moment, i know wat the future holds, but i know that my actions now will determine my future and i'm adaptable to things, circumstances

2) empathy: i'm able to listen and understand and empathise with people

3) Connectedness: i understand this connectedness among people, and becos of this, i am careful of my own action, as i know that my action will affect the people around me.

4) Restorative: problems. i am able to solve problems, analyse problems. i got the kick of solving problems

5) Self assurance: i can seek the advice and opinions of others but i form my own conclusions and i know what i have to do. something like self-confidence.

hmmm, only sure of the connectedness and self assurance which is so true of me... as for adaptability being the top one... i guess it sort of connects to connectedness. becos i know that whatever i do may affect the people ard me, i tend to be more adaptable or open to possibilities. Well, i dun think that this is being soft, being geminis, i guess we tend to care more for other people. as for the problem solving one, i guess i perform best when problem arises... cos it's only problems that push us to complete our things, right? if everything is so smooth sailing, then there is no thrill in life. i guess i work best when things go wrong, when things are right, maybe people tend to be more complacent.

i'm really haunted

really haunted and affected by this, esp since this morning. so I guess i have never done much for bb, guess this is the best i can do for him/her. he/she would have been this big:


14/15 weeks

it was this big on 28th June:



let me do a proper one for him/her (himer)

IN LOVING MEMORY OF HIMER

10th May 2005 -

28th June 2005

luv is really a painful thing. not sure if painful this word is justifiable to the emotions, the feelings of luv people go thru.

oh yah, the show 'must luv dogs' uses the word excruciating pain, yah, that's the word, it crashes your heart. yah, perhaps, my pain cannot be compared to some, but i want u to know that i dun have the best of both worlds. either world i choose, all are equally painful decision.

vexed

having a terrible headache now, dunno if it's becos of not enuf coffee or from too much thinking...

i'm really very vexed, wish that sometimes, problems could be solved easily... straight cut, 123...

it really doesn't matter... now, in future or watever... things will be the same. becos it seems that to u, i'm forever running and hiding. or maybe i've really fk my own life

wat can i say?

honestly, wat can i say? becos i dun feel like saying anything. thing has happened, it's over, i've reflected, i've post mortem, i've come to a conclusion, i'll juz keep my mouth shut. that's me, that's my character, take it or leave it....

this is not running away from reality. it's best to depend on yourself. that's my philosophy.

i got myself into this shit, i'll handle and clean up the shit myself. even if i choose to sit on the shit, there is nothing anybody can do.... that's my attitude, bleah *tongue sticking out*

the Rose

there is this song The Rose. it was re-sung by Jolin... but i still prefer the old version.....

esp like the 1st few lines of the song....

some say love, it is a river, that drowns the growing reeds
some say love, it is a razor, that bleeds your heart.....

hmm, wonder if anyone has the mp3 and lyrics of this song?

last nite, 4 hours plus of singing, great.... (but in the heart.... bled.... some songs almost make me cry.... yah, tong hua again.....) anyway, last nite also retro nite, singing all the songs that were popular when we were schooling, we had a good laugh, laughing at the mtv of those 80s songs.... the cuckoo hairstyle, the fashion, the make up.

tagboard

after some time, decided to sign up for another tag board again.

after reality sinks in posting... i juz felt that it's better to live my own life, peaceful... save the trouble.... anyway, i shall not say much.... juz leave comments in my tag board.

Marcus' B-day

i think marcus really enjoyed his b-day. we celebrated on the 7th, as some relatives could not make it on the 8th. it's juz some simple dinner, buffet style at home. Marcus was like saying happy birthday to everyone who came... and of course, he's very excited with the news toys that he has.

could see that he was very tired, but he didn't want to sleep, he wanted to open his presents and play wif all his toys. jigsaw, remote control cars to name a few. but anyway, i had to chase him to sleep at 11 plus that nite becos he's really very tired.... and the next day, he has to go to school.

so fast, he's 5 yrs old. on 8th august 2000, i can still remember. it's still so fresh on my mind. guess these things, u will not forget. i was lying on the bed... listening to his heartbeat, watching the tv, which is juz PM giving his speech. then at 11 plus at nite, decide to c-section... i could remember, the next day being national day, a lot of my relatives came to see me, but i was so tired and couldn't sit up on bed to see them. i remembered i missed watching the national day parade that year.

well, my wishes for him.... grow up to be a fine young man, one who is kind to others, not scheming and yet able to fight and survive. as for love, choose wisely and the true love will come along, watever may turn out in your love life, do not worry, u always have your family members to count on. I LOVE U, MARCUS!