perhaps i have really changed

my feelings, my luv has never changed, but perhaps my behaviour has changed. i think it has definitely change. change for better or for worse, that's up to the people ard me to find out.

i've lose the most precious thing in life, i'm a sinner, no matter how much good deeds i do, it's hard to atone for my sin. that's the feeling i get. i feel now that even if i were to lose other things like my job, my love for others (m&m excluded), people's expectations on me or even my own life, all these do not matter as it's not as painful as compared to what i've gone thru last week.

perhaps becos of this enlightenment that i get, it has translated into my behaviour these past few days. i juz dun feel like talking about my feelings, share about my problems. i'm shutting people out from my life, including my the other half, sometimes m&m also. like now, i'd rather be in my room, on the pc than outside playing wif them.

i juz want to go thru my life, routine like, zombie like..... i juz want the days to pass by quickly so that the incident is far behind and i can get on wif my life normally (i hope) anyway, nothing matters anymore.