Monday, December 31, 2007

Well, it's the last day of 2007. Tomorrow will be the new year... 365 days juz gone like that.... At 12 midnight, all will be shouting happy new year... the day will still be the same, the sun will still rise from the east. What makes today so special besides that it's the last day of the year? I guess, being the last day, people will look back in 2007 and think about their achievements and challenges.

there is a reason for saying happy new year. nobody wants a sad new year. so here's wishing all a happy new year.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

someone commented that i've not updated my blog as frequently as ever... well, to that comment, yes, it's true.... why? i also dunno. maybe i do not have the time, maybe i do not have the inspiration.

so for this post, what should i say? that day, someone asked me how was the festive season, i juz replied as usual. nothing much to be merry about. the person said that i sounded moody or sounded depressed.

strange thing is, i'm neither happy nor depressed. yes, no doubt, when the festive season is here, i can be merry and 'entertain' family members and looks like i have enjoyed the gathering, but in fact, deep down i know, it's all superficial. then why am i there? becos of my children. bring them there to enjoy the festivity, the mood and of course, the presents. They only wanted to see my children, not me. my mood has been neutral. nothing excites me, nothing depresses me. i just feel that i'm transient in this world, in this life. my soul no longer belongs to the world. i'm a living dead.

ok, the above sounds extreme, i just feel that life is transitory. things in life are bound to change, pass and come to an end. people said to live life to the fullest. i think the problem is, the more you are enjoying your life (living life to the fullest), the more you indulge in your life, the more reluctant you will be to go. yup, i guess that is life to me now.

back to my children, well, they are happy, especially with their new xmas presents. now they have their own email addresses and are chatting with my sister, with me sometimes or with my cousin or with their grandma. well, they learn. so cyberwellness is what i have to teach them now. There are 2 schools of thoughts in letting your children have their own email address or letting them chat. some feels that it's ok to let them chat, some feels that chatting online for young children is no no... well, there has got to be a balance. letting them chat, well, plus point, they learn all the time, especially with spelling new words. the other school of thought is not wrong, given the dangers of cyberspace now, well, as i said, there has got to be a balance. i always believe the more you stop them, the more they are curious and want to try out. i'm not saying that i will let them chat freely online, i still impose a curfew and i check their friends. anyway, all their friends now are family members. so balance.

Max, well, he's growing up well and fine. very naughty and cheeky. and clever at times. cannot tahan him.

Monday, December 17, 2007

tml, family meeting, then big decision. am i ready for it? i will try. as i said before, i believe, everything happen for a reason. things are starting to fall into place, i see now why things happened the way it was.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Mabel went over to my mum's place to stay on friday night and i went to fetch her back on monday morning. She followed my mum to a wedding dinner on sunday nite, that's why this arrangement.

on sunday night, marcus was playing on the computer when suddenly he turned around and cried. i asked him what happened, after much coaxing, he told me he missed mabel and wants mabel to come home. My first reaction was, to hug him and assure him that i'll be fetching mabel the next day.

i juz hugged him and cried together with him. He's so cute. no doubt, sometimes, he bullies his sister, but deep down, he needs her. it is very heartwarming to know that he actually misses his sister.

Sunday, December 09, 2007

hmmm, where do i begin? it's really not an easy task to be a care giver of a disabled person. I just learnt that there are some things in life that we take for granted and only when you are caring for someone disabled or being one yourself, then you realise it.

take for example, we all take for granted how fortunate we are to have two legs. imagine if you have only one leg, a simple task like wearing your pants, you need someone to help you. While we have two legs, it's easy for us to balance ourselves in a slippery toilet, but minus one leg, you will notice how important it is that the toilet must be extra dry.

well, everyday is a learning process. there is a mistake, we learn from the mistake. we improvise our home to accomodate people.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Been busy and tired recently, getting the room and the house ready for my mother in law (mil).
After she is discharged from the hospital, she will be staying with us. If possible, and if my fil manages to get a change, he too, maybe coming over to stay with us.
So all the shopping to get the room cosy and wheelchair friendly for her, new bed, new wardrobe, new bedside table, new lamp.
The toilet also need some railings and non-slip mats. Been running to shops to find out the best prices for commade, walking frame and wheelchair. Quite a lot of learning points for me.
Then went to hospital for care-giver training also. Short training but essential so that we can better look after.

As I’ve always tell the family and my mil, what is over is over. What is most important is to look forward to the future. This will be a trying period for all of us. Not only my mil has to cope with the feeling and getting used of just one leg, we all have to make adjustments to our lives somehow. Not only do we have to cope with one another habits and ways, we have to stay together to help her overcome the fact that she has already lose her leg.

My maid asked me today if I was sick because she says my face looks pale. Told her I was just feeling tired. (physically and emotionally) looks like it’s already taking a toll on me. But my belief is there will be a better tomorrow.