Friday, January 30, 2009

worked like crazy yesterday.so mentally tired, just keep on pressing. It's only January?!?

hmm, i'm just 1-2kg past my maximum weight, ok, i can do this better. at least the pants don't feel so tight when i wore it yesterday.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

now i understand. when you love somebody, like i love max very much. i enjoy watching him sleep. i'll plant kisses on his cheeks when he sleeps. i want to be the first person he sees when he wakes up.

this morning, he opened his eyes, he saw me. then he put his arms around my neck. the feeling is great. that closeness feeling.

he was sick, need to bring him to see doc for his running nose.
yesterday, we brought mil to walk. we went to clarke quay, then walked all the way to boat quay. It was a nice walk for her and the children as it's history lessons for them.

then while we were waiting by the riverside for the car to come and pick us, we saw lee kuan yew. He too was talking a walk along Singapore river. but of course, he had 3 bodyguards with him.

Chinese new year

cny came and go, just as i expected. everything is the same... next year, i'm going to scale down cny celebration

but the happiest are the children. esp max, this year, he knows how to collect hongbao and when we are counting his money, he enjoys taking the money out from the hongbao.

as for marcus, i still have some issues with him. i'm tired of always asking him and not getting a response from him. i'm tired of looking after his things for him, reminding him this and that.

as for mabel, she is the sweetest. she is able to handle everything herself without letting her mum worry for her.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Lord, please... teach me to find joy in You, teach me to find joy in Your presence.

Lord, now that cny is drawing near, please continue to watch over Ser, protect her from harm and let her be strong in You.

thank you Lord, in Jesus name i pray, Amen
i think i should go visit grandma's grave, i must be conscious to use the word 'grave'. why? because she has passed away, please don't say, 'we go and visit grandma' as if she was still alive.

anyway, i will go to her grave and apologise to her. apologise for not wanting to get the whole family together.

grandma, i think you will be sad to know this.
new year is just round the corner. suddenly, i don't feel so look forward to it. i'm going through the motions of happy new year. the motion of being happy.

why?
i know my children are excited, i don't want to dampen their spirit with my mood.

i just want to have reunion with my mum and sis and aunties, that's all. i just don't like the crowd.

there will be people coming to my house on the first day. i've planned to cook bee hoon, vegetarian food, but this has to be kept a secret from my mil until it's cooked and she sees it. what the...

the people coming to my house on the first day, well, most of them come for a purpose. so we'll do a nice show for them.

all are so fake. no wonder people go overseas during cny.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

actually i shouldn't be feeling sad. I've prayed to God. He will take care of her. i shouldn't be feeling helpless. there is something i can do for her, that is to pray for her.

then after you pray, leave it to God. Yes, the tendency is for humans to intervene and try to do something. then you have not trust God. I've prayed to God, so i'll trust Him fully that He will take care of her. He looks after His children. He will not let her tear. He will show His plans to her.

She is safe in His hands. 'He's got the whole world in His hands'

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

i am sad because my sister is very sad, and i feel so helpless that i can't do anything to cheer her up.

so many times, when someone is sad, it's easy for people to say comforting words. but to the receiver, it's easier said than done. that's why, sometimes, i dun comfort people too much.

the physical pain and emotion, probably one has to really go through it to come out of it a better person, a grown person. But to hurt yourself or even thinking of hurting yourself, please don't. yes, it definitely hurt the other party, but it also hurts your family.

Sis, we are around you, not only behind you, but around you. i wish i can give you a hug now.
mabel has not been updating her blog. yesterday, she told me she knows what she wants to blog. together with her, we listed 6 things she could update:

1) her learning journey
2) her new clothes for new year
3) her xmas gifts
4) her Bali trip
5) her new school
6) her badminton lessons
for dinner, brought max downstairs to have dinner. (did i mention previously that my mil has decided not to cook for 3 months?) after dinner, we went to big bookshop to buy some stuff that i need for my class.

at the bookshop, max saw some toys. he started pestering me to buy toys. 'i want toys' 'i no need go home' 'mummy, mummy'. i refused to give in. needless to say, he started crying and throwing tantrums. and you know how loud he can be. so as i carry him home, he was crying all the way. people were wondering as if i beat him like that. in fact, i was very patient, talking to him. gor yee and my sister can remember, it's similar to marcus' when he was younger at the shopping centre. It's just that max is not as hard/stubborn as marcus and max didn't struggle as strongly as marcus.

while he was crying, there was so many times, i feel like giving in. but i tell myself,i had to insist so that he knows that not everytime he will get what he wants. so as i pass by the playground, decided to bring him to the playground instead while hubby brings marcus and mabel's dinner up first.

so we spent 45 mins at the playground, playing and i think he soon forgot. but as soon as i suggest to go home, he said 'no'. i was like, not again... so quickly think of something. 'we go home, bathe, we play with bubbles?' 'no.' 'we go home bathe, (pointing to papa), papa bathe for you?' (thinks....)'yes.' bingo.

so when we reached home, papa has to fulfil the promise. mabel was already sleeping, in fact, i understood that she slept from 7pm. poor thing, so tired from school activities. so we let her sleep all the way till the next morning.

as for marcus, just before going to sleep, i remembered that he has swimming lessons today. so hurriedly packed his swimming stuff. then it's off to bed. i don't know what time max sleep. i know i knocked out too once i hit the bed. poor thing, so tired from work.

i brought home a pile of marking to do, but i brought it back to work, untouched. so extra again.

Monday, January 19, 2009

today is such a busy day at work. no time to think too much. just do what we have to do. time passes very fast

marking is piling up. looking forward to the weekend

Sunday, January 18, 2009

today went to sim lim square, we saw an old friend. catch up with him

realise the group of friends, the dynamics have changed so much. some divorced and went on to marry others and had children. some are still together.

i sigh. i miss those happy times when all of us were together, not so much worries.

but i guess, people change with times. so we go on with life, we make new friends, we have new set of worries. what is most important is that my family is happy. happy parents, happy children
Weekend has been busy. counting down to cny. on friday night, will do most of the shopping. i'm so not in the mood to do any work. anyway, i will have to. set many assignments and class test.

due to new year, i think been spending over budget. think next month, have to curb spending.
yeah, my valentine's day present this year is to go watch wakin's concert. i am so looking forward to the concert.

Friday, January 16, 2009

today is finally friday. feels like such a long week. hope today the children wants to go out for dinner.

max has not been wearing diapers for a few weeks now when he goes to sleep. everything was ok, sometimes he pee before sleeping. that night, he woke up at 2am to ask me to bring him to pee.

last night, i think he's too sleepy, he pee on the bed. i didn't even scold him, he started to crying. he seemed to understand that it is a very malu thing, so he quickly cover his face and cried.

tonight i will make sure that he either pee before going to sleep or he wears the diapers.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

these few days, life is starting to fall into a routine. wake up, go to work, come home, check children's homework, bathe, spend time with children, eat dinner, watch tv, spend time with children, sleep. i try not to bring work home, as you can see, i have no time for work at home.

however sometimes to console myself, i'll bring work home. but i'll just leave it on the table and bring it back to work the next day. so extra.
now, i've shifted marcus to sleep in my room also. When he sleeps in the other room, cannot control his timing and i do not want to spot check on him every 5 mins. so the easiest thing is to sleep in my room.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

last night, went over to cousin's house to meet her and my sis. Three of us had a good talk. we talked from 8pm to about 1am. If not for my cousin's husband who came out of the room at 1am, we would have continued and continued.

so at 1am, i slowly drove my way home. The road is very quiet and empty. a very unusual scene. I mean i'm seldom out on the road at 1am during a weekday, so i'm really pleasantly surprised by the minimal cars i find on the road. The whole expressway seems to be like yours.

i drove slow, 80km/h, winding down the window, listening and singing to my favourite songs. It was a very nice drive home. i never enjoyed Singapore's night scenary so much before. quiet, the next cars are either 400m in front or behind you.

needless to say, i also feel i have minimal energy when i woke up this morning.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Singaporeans are really inconsiderate and selfish.

1) ocbc atm, someone left a cup of chocolate on the atm, obviously the cup spilled at the bottom, so chocolate was flowing out. gross.

2) this morning, i was at the coffeeshop, i was already at the table, but i haven't take a seat yet. i was checking out the fan. suddenly, this lady with her two kids just sat down on the chairs. She walked very fast towards the table and just plop herself on the chair. i am surprised, i didn't rail at her. but as i walked behind her, i gave her the middle finger. sorry.

3) that day at giant also. i was looking at vcds, when i 'reverse' to push the trolley out and continue my shopping, this lady who was standing behind me, gave a 'zh' sound. at first, i didn't think much of it. but later, i started to fume. how dare she 'zh'. you were the one who were standing behind me, how on earth would i know there was someone behind me? if she wants to look at the tv, then go stand somewhere else.

so after these 3 incidents, i really kind of feel sad. how come some Singaporeans behave like that? why do they behave like people owe them a living, or they are always right?

i promise myself, if any of such incidents happen to me again, i will not just stand by and let them think that they can bully me. i will fight back. i will.
shopping experience in singapore is lousy. suck big time.

1) opening hours: 11am. by 11am, almost half the day is gone. not all people sleep until very late during weekend. sometimes, by 9am, we are already at the shopping centre and by 10am, we have finished our breakfast. even when we want to do a little shopping is impossible. like on sat when we were at queensway shopping centre, by 1030, we were already loitering outside the shops, waiting for the shops to open up. such a waste of time.

2) and not to mention, service in Singapore's retail industry, well, we have a long way to improve our services. not all of them are rude, but most of them are. just go to japan, they serve you like queens and kings. of course, there are little gems who are kind and polite and try to make your shopping experience a pleasant one.
on 'little nyonya' last episode, well, i can understand that 2 person who are in love with each other can choose not to be with each other.

It doesn't mean that when 2 persons are in love, they have to end up with one another. sometimes, being not together may be the best choice. although the 2 persons marry another person and go on to have their own family and build their own career, as long as they have each other in their heart, this is love.

so i can perfectly understand why yue niang choose to leave chen xi. so i think just now at 9.55pm, that little portion on both of them is really so extra.
i think we should be more or less well stocked up for cny. only left drinks, oranges and ba kwa.

on saturday morning, we all went to queensway shopping centre to buy sports shoes. only marcus and hubby manages to buy their sports shoes. then we went to toa payoh to get new clothes for marcus. mabel and i also bought a pair of shoes each. then we proceeded to buy dvds.

we went to sizzler for lunch. all of us ordered the salad bar. only marcus didn't eat his fill of $8.90. i think max ate more than he did.

Went to longhouse in the evening with mum and sis for dinner.

on sunday morning, we went to parkway parade after sending mil to church. managed to buy a jumpsuit for max. managed to buy another set of clothing for marcus. and i finally managed to get 2 denims for myself.

then my mil wanted to go to hiding place at jln kayu to buy somemore chinese new year goodies. so i think we are really well stocked up.

cny is in another 2 weeks time. the children are looking forward to it, not only because of the ang pao but also because they get to wear new clothes and eat new year goodies.

Friday, January 09, 2009

well, it's not that i'm bothered by mil. in fact, i was worried that i seem too nonchalent to her pain. and you are right, if she's feeling ok, when she complains about the maid, i usually just go back to my room. her complaints does not bother me. it's the mental stress that it's bothering me.

mental stress comes from
1) i cannot scold my children too much. she will feel heart pain. (but she can scold the maid)
2) i cannot speak for my maid also, she thinks that i'm siding with the maid
3) i cannot have heart to heart talk with my maid also, she thinks that i'm siding with the maid. (sometimes i have heart to heart talk with her, just to monitor and check that she is feeling ok after all the scolding. i have to talk to her after my mil goes to sleep, we go to marcus' room where we can close the door and talk)

it's like, you are sitting there watching tv, then you hear someone scolding, nagging at the maid. sometimes, she scolds very loudly. you get that uneasy feeling especially if you know that some of the things said are rather unreasonable.

and now with her this pain, she cries in the room. the worse part is, i never go in and ask her anything. then i dunno what i should do? bring her to hospital, she doesn't want, she does not like to stay in the hospital. the maid cannot be there 24 hours to massage for her. i cannot lighten her pain, so what should i do? if i remain not bother about it, not very nice, so what should i do? go in and ask also cannot, go and ask also cannot. this is the type of stress i'm talking about.
MIL wasn't feeling well yesterday. i wonder what she eat yesterday for lunch or did she eat anything in the first place? her blood sugar level was quite high on wed nite, 20.

i hope she is feeling better today. and i hope that she will learn to let go. Let go and let the maid plan the chores and cooking. Let go.

i am so not in the mood to go home early today
growing old, white hair start appearing. saw 1 very obvious white hair. but cannot pull out, they say pull one out, grow 3 more strands. so i'll leave it and let it be a reminder that i'm not that young anymore.

for children's development, i'll leave it for another day, when i got the time to properly think over, then i'll blog.

as for now, it's a friday. on one hand, i'm so looking forward to friday, on the other, when it's here, i am so not excited. i thought that i can have a good weekend, not doing anything. then this morning, as i'm looking at next week, i realise that over the weekend, i have to
1) mark
2) prepare agenda, prepare meeting
3) type out my work review
4) plan for the elderly residents' programme when they come to our sch for cny celebration
5)liaise with 2 organisations regarding donation drive

and nature is calling, i better answer it before my lesson later.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

to continue from my last post, life is so fragile. so what made me say that? or should i change to 'living is so unpredictable'

life throws us many challenges. relationships, work, family. as long as we are living on earth, we have to relate to people. whether spouse, boyfriend, family members, colleagues, friends.

our happiness or sadness comes from our relationships with others and ourselves.

then just now, i read that a german tycoon committed suicide. and what a way to die, he was hit by the train. life is so fragile. how can people treat life like that?

so it boils down to another question. is money so important in life? you can have all the money in the world, but that does not make you invincible to failures? the more successful you are, the harder the fall.

so is relationship important? well, certain kind of relationships gives us a lot of stress. but there are certain relationships that need to be cultivated, maintained. so how do we cultivate them? compromise is important in a relationship. continuous understanding of each other is important as well.

last night, mabel cried again before sleeping. on probing, she said, 'i miss mummy.' then it hits me if i've neglected her. so allowed her to sleep in the room and i promise to look into my relationship with her.

Monday, January 05, 2009

focus. i was focus today to complete my work. but still i wasn't on target to finish my work in the target time. reach home at about 6pm.

even the students in school today is focus. i'm happy with them.

but mabel was not focus. she was distracted by the tv while finishing up her journal. actually it's just some drawing and colouring, the main content of her journal is completed.

today is a good start to the week.
let me see, what did we do on sunday?

in the morning, went to courts to buy a vacuum cleaner. $99, light and most important, it's bagless.

then after lunch, we decided to go to giants to buy soba and we just feel like cooking the soba and eat it. we also bought miso soup.

Marcus and Mabel cleaned off the miso soup and cha soba. I think we will do this more often. Little Max was taking his afternoon nap, so he missed out on the food.

after that, went amk to have dinner with mum.

and now, working my * off preparing lessons. haha

Saturday, January 03, 2009

this morning, we brought the children to chinatown. we reached at about 10 plus. had a late breakfast. then began our shopping. we basically bought a lot of cny goodies and most important, bought a nyonya costume for mabel.

after that, we went to brewerkz for lunch. The children enjoyed the food and max had fun playing there. he has good PR skills with the waiters and waitresses there.
on friday night, went to east coast to have supper.

we ordered gong gong and sotong and satay and some beer. only max came along with us.

as i savour the food, i could feel the sweetness. sweetness of the hard work we have put into our job, at the end of the month, when we get our salary, you order some good food. as you savour the food, the food taste especially nice. the sweetness and that shiokness is undescribable.

i know there are some peopl who are retrenched and do not have enough money for food. that makes me more appreciative of what i have. hence, perhaps why the food is more savourable.

it saddens me to read from the newspaper that someone has to steal from the supermarket to feed her family. (chikens, garlic spread and mango, all worth $26.) it's just so not worth it and silly. it's really sad.

So we must be appreciative of what we have.

Thursday, January 01, 2009

i guess my engine is slowly getting used to working. It's a good sign. i was worried that i may be too 'lazy' to start work.

but by preparing for the children's things and my things, i can feel that my brain is programmed to work.

this saturday, will be bringing children to chinatown to buy cny clothings and stuff. i look forward to that.

ok, i think it's dinner time, better go
let me post my first entry for 2009.

This morning, took max for a haircut. in the afternoon, brought the children out for lunch. i also needed to mend 2 pairs of shoes. This is to prepare for the start of the working day. otherwise, i would have no shoes to wear. i reckon, 2 pairs cost less to repair than to buy a new one.

brought the kids to eat teppenyaki. They were struck with awe by the cooking of the teppan chef. it was really an eye opener for them.

After we came home, i began to think about whether their stationery, shoes were all in place. After i've done that, and while max was sleeping, i quickly prepare some stuff for my own work. I could complete so much work during that 1 or 2 hours while he was sleeping.

Once he woke up, he started looking for me. so had to carry him to the bedroom. I had initially wanted to blog then, but he kept asking me to play with him. when i finally conceded 'defeat' and brought along the laptop, he said, 'no need to bring computer.' i feel so argh. so have no choice but to play with him. i finally managed to sneak off to blog while waiting for dinner to start.

I could do so little with max around. i guess that sets the pace at home. I'll only do my work while max is sleeping. when he is awake, i don't think i'll be able to complete much work.

Mil is angry again over god knows what matter. she is apparently feeling upset that we do not scold the maid for doing wrong things. I personally feel that, as long as my mil scolds, then why should i bother to add on? what is the point of scolding again? i think in her mind, she must be thinking that we side with the maid. I never say that she shouldn't scold the maid, i mean you can tell her off for doing the wrong things. but you shouldn't keep on scolding and scolding.

the four words i learnt from the workshop, 'faith energises, fear paralyses' is so appropriate here. the more you scold, the more she fear, the more she fear, the more wrong things she would do. if you give her the trust and let her do her work, i think she will do a better job than this.

i hope i can keep my cool later during dinner.