sometimes i wonder if i'm too fierce to marcus. he seems to be unhappy. i dunno. i'll just do what i feel that it's right for him. i'm not always there to look after him. he needs to learn to be independent.

i am so angry with marcus. he lost 2 4GB game stick, and he doesn't have the slightest idea where he misplaced it.

now i'm toying with the idea of buying a new car. today went to mitsubishi car show room, not yet change, but will do calculations first.

bought mabel her birthday present. yes, it's a very early birthday present, her birthday is in october.

bought her ipod touch. now i'm seriously considering getting a iphone.

i kind of like apple stuff. well, i won't say much otherwise sounds like free advertisement. should get one and you will know.

been toying with ipod touch and stuff for so long, couldn't bear to buy it for myself, but for mabel, there was no 2nd thoughts. i told her on saturday, and on sunday i brought her to go and buy. i guess most parents are like that.

this morning, brought max to make his passport. then went down to pay the balance up of the club med trip. in the meantime, we also wanted to book a malacca trip for the whole family, 6 adults and 3 children.

my sis came along with us. at last, we decided on the travel agent and make our booking. just hope that there are hotel rooms. cos it's quite last minute.

then after all these had been settled, we went to brewerkz. then we sent our sis home, she has a concert to go tonight!

it was a grat time together.

can you believe it? i have high chloestrol. (is that how you spelled it?)

so less eggs, full cream milk, fried food, less crabs!!! omg, how can u ask me to eat less crabs? less fatty meats, ok, that one, no issue.

more exercise, gosh. and i may have urinary tract infection, need to go for further checks if i'm worried. my white blood cells count is also high....

since the beginning of term 2, mabel has not been sleeping well at night. on sunday night, she couldn't get to sleep worrying about her Chinese e-learning. she was afraid that she did the wrong exercises. even though after reassuring, she still couldn't sleep, so she came over to my room to sleep.

on monday night, she could not sleep again. i thought maybe she was afraid to sleep in the room on the top deck of the bed, (at the back of my mind, i thought she saw some stuff) so again, i let her sleep in my room.

then last night, she was again crying in the room. the maid knocked on my door to tell me that she is crying for mummy. (darn, i was already asleep) she said she didn't want to go to school. I asked her the reason why and she told me 'spelling' after reassuring her, 'cannot find yellow file'. I'm really at the point of bursting already. i think i spent like 40 mins talking to her. or would i say lecturing her.

the final conclusion to the talk is, i told her, i would not condone coward act. she has to go to school the next day no matter what. that is my ultimatum.

so i really don't have enough sleep and is grumpy today. upon reflection, i would like to find out the real underlying reason of her not wanting to go to school. but she is not telling anything. maybe the reasons she cited is true and genuine, so she must learn to face up. she cannot run away. but what i worry is that the reasons are not so simple. i tried to ask if anyone bully her, etc, maybe i'm fierce in my tone, so she didn't want to tell me.

sigh, still in standby mode, not able to process anything

so tired to blog anything these 2 nights. totally drained out of energy. labour day, planning labour day, go malaysia with my family, mum, sister and aunties. it will be great for everyone to go.

max is very cute. he stands in front of the mirror and doing funny actions to himself.

we had an eventful day today. in the morning after dropping my mil at church, we wanted to have dian xin for breakfast nearby. but we could not find any parking lot! so in the end, we went to giant tampines, had breakfast and went to shop around for a while.

then we went back to fetch mil. once we reach home, we get ready to go brewerkz. we pack some stuff so that the children have got something to do there. marcus still has to read a chinese storybook. brought the laptop as there is free access. as usual, marcus brought his psp. took some story books and drawing paper to occupy max.

when we reach there, marcus did his reading, mabel on the laptop, then max also read some books. after we had eaten the food, dear dear and me decided to play a game of pool. all 3 children joined us to watch and they wanted to try, so halfway through the game, it became their game.

they did not know how to place their left hand, so we took the rest and i think the children had great fun playing pool, including max. but he had to stand on a chair, he is too short!

after brewerkz, we came home for a rest, then in the evening, went to my mum's place.

we bought a bottle of red wine over so after dinner, the adults, including my two aunties all share the bottle of wine. we catch up with each other and we planned to go malacca during the labour day holiday. cool.

that day took some pictures of rainbow, wanted to put it up, but forgot.

ever since the 3 children take multivitamins pills, i feel that their appetite has increased. i think this is great, especially for marcus. He is able to eat 1 adult's share now. Nothing makes me happier than to see my children eating heartily.

max sings jay chou's songs. or at least he hums to the tune of it.

my learning points after attending conference

Just want to pen down some things that i learnt after attending the conference. Well, you internalise better when you write it down rather than just think, reflect and these thoughts tend to disappear if you do not take the effort to pen it down.

1)The first keynote address was very apt. The title 'retoring the spirit of service' The speaker was good, she made us think of why we do what we are doing now. it questions my belief. As adults, we are often dictated by rewards/incentives and competition and building defences. We start to find excuses for the mistakes we made. 'The recession made me got retrenched, so i'm in a dire state, so i'm frustrated.'
Have we forgotten the spirit of giving? to give something and not expecting anything in return? because sometimes we forgot that the helper does in return get helped. you become kinder, happier and more positive.

Then as an educator, how do i teach my students about this amidst the teaching? have i forgotten to develop their character as well?

2) 2nd keynote address: the speaker is from the Phillipines. he gave his speech on Gawad Kalinga, a housing project that he started. He is very sincere. no slides, just 1 video and a lot of stories to share. a bold move I would consider. but never did i once was distracted (except for answering a sms) because his stories are real!

his housing project aims to help the citizens to learn good governance, developing character by refraining from corruption. (The project also teaches the citizens to be self-sufficient) Such simple yet strong words which i have took for granted in Singapore.

Through his project, he also aims to help restore the dignity of the poor by giving them dreams and aspirations to motivate them to work. Yet another thing that i've taken for granted. With most Singaporeans, we have basic housing needs and clean piped water, something that we have taken for granted. So what do people and the youths have as their dreams to motivate them? nothing. worse still, their motivation is the latest handphone, the latest IT gadget, the latest PSP games etc.

The video made me cry. The man in the video was so grateful that this project has given his family hope and aspirations.

3) the other keynote address, 'active participation - the key to learning'. the title says it all, meaningful engagement of students. this not only makes sense to teaching students but also to service learning. i'll just quote something which i've scribbled down during the address: 'being intrinsically motivated has to do with being wholly involved in the activity itself.'

Of course there are 4 concurrent sessions that i attended, but i thought that the time for the session was too short for me to really reflect. It's more of absorbing information and establishing contacts with the presenters.

4) the project exhibits: been to many exhibition booths to find out more about what other students, young people are doing for their service learning or experential learning. established contacts with a few of them. but 2 most thought provoking ones:
a) CIP trip to vietnam: i juz stood there to watch the video. maybe i have a soft spot for children. when the students visited the orphanage, it seems that this orphanage is for the very young children. The video shows many toddlers and babies in the orphanage. the students carried the toddlers and play with them. then i can feel my tears rolling down. so embarrassed. excused myself to the toilet.

thought provoking because how can these beautiful babies not have parents? (i do not want to dwell on the reasons) they are left to fend for themselves at such a young age.

b) student teachers CIP project at myanmar. These few young adults gave so much to the villagers and the school they visited. books, even the test tubes that they brought over. again, something that i've taken for granted, or rather our students have taken for granted. they do not have a science laboratory. The teachers-to-be showed the teachers there some simple science experiment to do with every day objects.

I was speaking to this young lady, you could sense from her sharing that these teachers in myanmar was so eager to learn. not only the teachers, the students were so eager to learn too. by day 3, they put in an effort to speak English to our Singaporean counterparts. i cannot help but to compare the myanmar students' eagerness to learn vs our singaporean students' eagerness to learn. with such good facilities in school, students sometimes take for granted and forget why they are learning and who they are studying for.

my concluding thoughts: Singapore has been prospering and our standard of living improving. With such prosperity, have we forgotten where we started? have we started to take even the simplest thing such as house for granted? have we forgotten our purpose or lose our motivation in life? how can i then teach all these to my students? i cannot simply take away their stuff and throw them back into caveman's era. there must be another way and as at now, i'm still searching.

while at ubin, we took the van taxi in. the uncle was a nice and humourous uncle. so had a talk with him. little did i realise that his son is studying in our school and joins npcc too!!! what a small world.

when we alighted at camp noordin, need to do the logistics. then this FI approached me. Habil, ex student. so he in serving NS now and was sent to ubin to be FI. What a small world again!

it is a nice feeling when u meet ex students. not that it reminds you that you are old, it's just that.. it's wonderful to see them grown up and more sensible.

so it was a good time catching up with him and asking him if he is still in contact with other friends. so it was good to receive updates on them.

STM sandra

you know how absent minded i am?

1) yesterday, had to shampoo my hair. but instead of using the shampoo, i used the body shower! and the best part is, i didn't realise it, until after i had put my conditioner, then i realise i didn't use the shampoo juz now.

2) this morning, brought students to ubin. so i drove to changi village, tore the coupon then went to meet the students. when i saw the water bottle they are holding, i realised i forgot to bring down the water bottle. so went back to the car to take the water bottle. then happily, lock the door and went back to meet the students.

3) on the way to ubin on the bumboat, i realise i left my hp in the car! how forgetful can i get?

i attended a conference these two days at NIE.

1) it was a long journey, even by car. so i tell myself, not to rush, drive normally and true enough, it was a pleasant drive, enjoying the songs and just observing how other people drive.

2) on the first morning, popped over to grandma's grave first. bought some flowers for her. before my journey, i was a little worried, worried about my emotions. it must be weird to visit a grave so early in the morning. i think i was the only one and first one there.

surprisingly, i was calm. even looking at grandma, i was calm. didn't bring a cloth with me so didn't manage to give the grave a good wipe.

3) the conference was a good one. i learnt many things from there and am eager to blog down my thoughts. but at this time of the day, i think i will do the conference a dis-service if i were to hurriedly blog down. i need time to think through and orgainse my thoughts. it doesn't help if max is around and mummy this mummy that. so i will do one proper one, when i'm alone

hmmm, tomorrow need to bring students to ubin. looking forward and not so looking forward. it's good to go back to nature but i wish i could use the time to do some of my work. It's already thursday tomorrow.

just now, brought 3M to parkway parade. hmmm, no joy shopping with 3 kids. first, i did some banking, then max saw the kiddy cab, he wanted to take the 'police car', ok, so rent the 'police car' for him. problem is now, we had to take the lift. so walked one big round to take the lift to the basement, walked one big round to buy the skateboard. then walked one big round to take the lift up to the shops again. marcus said that he was hungry, so we had eclair.

then bought some t-shirts for dear dear. mabel bought an OP pencil box. then next, went to giant to buy some groceries. while at op, marcus and max quarrel and max kept calling for me. suppose to buy only 1 thing at giant, ended up buying milk, cereals and chocolates. while waiting to pay for the groceries, asked marcus to go to the vcd shop to get his 3rd instalment of pokeman cd.

so we ended up buying a lot of things. now have to carry these things to the car. after returning the kiddy cab, luckily marcus and mabel helped to carry some stuff. then max wanted me to carry him, i told him i can't.

finally and luckily and slowly, managed to get to the car and drove safely home. It was really like an adventure bringing them out to the shopping centre.

just transfer some photos from hp to laptop.

saturday: went to friend's baby one month celebration. saw old friends there, catch up with them. other than that, nothing much. sunday: bought skateboard. marcus and mabel tried the skateboard. here are some pictures and videos.

This is contradicting. I look forward to the one week break, but yet, not so look forward, because, there is a lot of things to be done and most of the days are gone for various activities.

And after the 1 week holiday, it will be bullet train in term 2. i hope that i will be able to spend some quality time with children during this one week holiday. Have not really plan what we could do together.

don't know what to blog today. Just know that i'm exhausted today and i just want to vege out and play games to destress.

what should i say today? today been a busy day and not really a nice mood day. I think my students can sense it.

It could have started from last night. When i went back at about 6pm, marcus still hadn't bathe! so first i screamed at him to go and bathe. then i ask him if he has homework. he said no. ok, then ask him if he has completed his e-learning tasks that his teacher wanted him to do. No, he hadn't. angry.

marcus quickly went up to bathe. i saw mabel, asked her if she has homework. she said yes, and she is doing the homework in front of the tv while watching the tv. and she is sitting so near the tv. angry.

i came home specially to bring them to sakae sushi for dinner and this not done, that not done.

so in the end, i got fed up, and decided not to bring them out for dinner.

i guess that was the starting spark for my today's mood.

didn't have a good sleep last nite. been waking up since 2.30am to check on max, make sure that he does not run a high fever again. The slightest thing will wake me up. and last nite, i had leg cramps twice. i had to massage my poor feet.

then at 4.30am, i finally could not get back to sleep, so i suggested to hubby that we go macdonald for breakfast. so at 5am, we went to mac. when i reached home at 5.45am, max already woke up and i think he couldn't find us in the room, so he cried. the maid carried him down to the sofa. when i came back, he was already at the sofa, sobbing. and he gave me that cold hard stare like 'why you didn't bring me out?' stare.

so i cuddled him. at first, he didn't allow me to go to work, he said that he wanted to follow. so after a slow talk, managed to soothe him. then got ready for work.

took my medicine also before i came, so u can imagine, i'm going to be drowsy the whole day.

last night, max had fever. it running quite high in the night.

before he sleep, gave him some fever medicine. during the night, he shivered, hugged him and slept. then at about 2 something, i just felt that his fever is very high. took his temperatue, 40.1, quickly sponge hima and gave him more fever medicine. so from 2 something to about 4, didn't sleep and was just hugging him, sponging him and making sure that his fever didn't go up. while he was shivering, his hand was so cold.

so in the morning, i really cannot wake up to go to school and max is still running a fever. so took child care leave today.

just now in the morning, brought him to see the doctor. he's so cute. he told the doctor, "my head is hot."

after the doc, we went for breakfast. he wanted to drink can drink, i told him, he can't today because he is sick. immediately, he touched his forehead and said, 'not hot already.' he is so funny.

now after medication, he's much better. now it's my turn to be drowsy. i also see a doc and got some cough mixture for my nagging cough. now the medicine is making me drowsy.

today must be a fun day for the kids.

in the morning, brought them to merchant court for a swim. it was relaxing, and we all just enjoy spending time with one another. my sister in law and her family came along too.

after swimming, we went for lunch and then to brewerkz.

we spent some time at brewerkz and came home at about 4 something. after we came home, i just 'concuss' on the bed.

slept until 7 something, then we went for a good dinner with sis in law and family and everyone. marcus developed a fever after dinner, so brought him to see a doc. throat infection.

not sure if want to let him go to sch on monday.

again i had a weird dream last night. It's kind of like similar with previous night's dream, but in this dream, i remembered i specifically ensure a distance between us. i also remembered in the dream that his gf appeared, he immediately became meek and so nice to the gf, like totally forgot that he had flirted with me just seconds before.

i guess that's my perception of men. funny, it doesn't really change much, i guess i just never say it (though last time i did maintain a different blog, but i think it was removed already because i didn't migrate it to the new interface)

yeah, last time i thought that by blogging it out, it was better, in retrospect, it gave me more trouble and i still strongly believe in my belief, some things are better unsaid.

so to blog about my weird dreams and my reflections is kind of like a phobia. i'm carefull not to describe the dreams too explicitly, not that it's very RA-ted, just prefer it to be vague. but what i find hardest to blog is my reflection. as i'm typing the first 2 paragraphs just now, i realise that some of my beliefs didn't change.

so as i was saying, my perception of men didn't change much. i'm not generalising that all men are like that, but some, if not most men are like this. On one hand, they flirt with other girls, some even get these girls to bed etc, on the other hand, when they go home, they are nice to their wives. i remembered a friend once said, 'though i flirt around, the woman that i love which is my wife is in my heart. i still love my wife.' This friend ended up divorce. some men would want to bed every woman they meet. so why can't woman do the same?

but if women were to practice this, they will say that woman are promiscous. double standard? yes, but i guess that is how society works.

i know i'm no saint, i've committed my sins. i'm just reflecting. the world probably doesn't change a thing after i've blog. i'm not asking to change anything. so much rumbling after a dream.

i'm still in a state of disbelief that after going deep down my mind, my belief didn't change. and it's frightening, because belief don't change, our actions are guided by our belief. but to do it or not to do it comes the self-awareness part.

i don't know how to end this, because my thought just keep flowing. but i guess i'll end here, becoz there are lots of work to be done.

just now, just had health screening. went for a comprehensive one. so i guess 2 weeks later, then the results can be known.

finally, it's thursday, it's been a busy week. lesson observation and marking common tests.

hmmm, thought that i want to blog about dreams. let me see.... actually a few days ago, i had a very weird dream. it happened after the news report of the female teacher being sent to jail for having sex with a minor.

there was a night when i dream of something. i can't remember clearly the dream. ok the dream goes something like this.

a female colleague was crying (for privacy sake, i will not even attempt to describe) so i asked her what happened. so she told me that this boy threatened her when she wanted to break off the illicit affair.

on one hand, i tried to comfort her, on the other hand, in my mind, i was like 'uh? this lady and this boy?' shudders.

ok, this is my first dream.

my weird 2nd dream was last night. ok, sorry dear dear, the dream goes like this

i met up with an old friend of mine, jc friend. went out, then i dunno why, but i sent him back to his home and we even took the lift together.

in the lift, because it was very crowded, it became very physically close. (minus the details) then we hug and then we kiss.

end of dream

i seldom remember my dreams when i wake up. i don't know why these 2 dreams are so clear in my mind. and last night's dream... it was actually very sweet. The feeling was very nice and sweet.

ok, after blogging, i shall not dwell on the dreams anymore, lest i stray. focus on God.

yeah, geography challenge is fun. it's fun when you have to beat your students' score.

max is so funny, he refuse to change into his pyjamas. he really enjoys wearing his overalls. anyway, he looks good in his overalls, look like a farmer.

i should go get marcus and mabel to go and sleep.

today has been a tiring day at work.

affairs of the heart are funny.

i'm rumbling, time to stop

today, decided to bring the kids to Ikea for dinner. they enjoyed the dinner and the play area there, especially max. marcus and mabel love the meatballs.

after dinner, we went to shop around. bought 2 chairs for the children's room as the old, bulky chairs are certainly a little too bulky with the new bed in the room. so we needed something simple and less bulky one.

we also saw the bedroom slippers which were quite cheap, so all 5 of us, each bought a pair. yes, Max also wanted a pair even though his leg is so small. he is so tickled wearing the bedroom slippers and walking around.

i realise marcus' appetite has improved a lot. (touch wood first)he is able to finish a plate of rice. i mean last time, he used to share with mabel, but now he can finish a plate all by himself. so now, i will share with mabel.

on sunday, went to church because it's grandma's 1 anniversary. time passes so fast. i'll definitely blog about it with the funeral photos. i find that it's a nice closure. sometimes, i wonder how grandma is feeling, lying six feet below.

let me see what we have done over the weekend

on Saturday morning, went for breakfast, then LTA, then inland revenue house, then went to buy wheelchair. then came back and rested for a while before go to collect a double decker bed for the children.

so the whole saturday has been a busy one.

wheelchair - i can't believe the handle for the wheelchair broke, i do not know if it's my mil that is too heavy or the misuse of the handle. They like to use the handle to push the wheelchair up a step, also like to hang many things on the wheelchair.

while i was there, someone recommended me to drink this goji juice. it's the orange thingy that we like to put in our soup, it's suppose to be good for our eyes. but this is the concentrated juice. one bottle is about $78. eh, the person gave me free to try.

so these few days, i've been drinking this goji juice. well, initially, your body will be adjusting, so i may feel tired for the first few days. But after your body has adjusted to it, it should be able to energise you. well, the pamphlet has got 34 reasons why you should drink goji, i'm not going to all elaborate here. i'll first drink and see what is the effect on me, then i'll blog about my experience.