Saturday, January 30, 2010


On the bumboat now, on way to ubin. Long, boring, maybe not boring, day. slept at 2am last nite, regret, should have slept early. hope the long walk in can freshen me up.

On the rocky boat, memories also came rocking back. the antivitch cream, the insect repellent, the visit. Ok I'll stop, old memories, shelf it.

be positive, be happy. nobody likes to see a sad face or a black face. San, u can do it!


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Friday, January 29, 2010

friday, since the children's dinner is not cooked, decided to bring them out for dinner. asked them what they want to eat, dunno. asked lao gong what he wants to eat, dunno, he juz woke up, feeling blur blur.

anyway, the whole journey to tampines mall was a little frustrating, frustrated with lao gong. want to come out as a family, have a happy meal together, but he seems very black face like that.

in the end, settle for din tai fung (again?), anyway, since marcus wants to... after ordering the food, then we all open up and ease a little bit. he just had char kway teow at 4 plus and maybe it's too oily, so he's doesn't feel good.

well, everything turns out well in the end.
so distracted this morning, dunno by wat. bring the wrong set of notes to class. came back to desk, bring the correct set of notes up. later, realise, notes didn't print enough. came down again, photocopied another 8 sets.

sigh, so stm, so distracted. focus sandra, focus!
as i said, random.....

it's really nice, imagine that....

your beloved, sleeping beside u, you are the last one he sees before he falls asleep. he sleeps peacefully, then in the morning, you are the first one he sees when he wakes up.

so nice. and both of u snore together, how fun.
5 mins is all i have now to blog, so randomly....

last nite, went gym with lao gong. it is definitely a different feel exercising at night. too cold to swim after gym. i was expecting it to be crowded, but ok, about 2 others were there, so didn't really have to wait for the machine.

schedule is very tight these few weeks, find it harder to go gym. but i believe, when there's a will, there's a way.

after that, we went to central kopitiam for dinner. ate fish noodles, no way lao gong is going to eat yong tau foo. so anyway, realise that the '3cup chicken' stall is gone, korean stall is long gone. asked the lady how come all these stalls all gone? she said that lease expired, so they didn't renew. then realise the lady that is cooking the noodles was previously from korean stall. the man selling the '3cup chicken' is now selling fishball noodles. ha, disturb uncle and said i want to eat '3cup chicken'.

after dinner, went pump room for a cup. thought happy hour until 10pm, but that is only for sunday and monday. then i asked the waiter, eh, today not monday meh? ok, since there, might as well sit down. clarke quay is really quite crowded at night. it's very different from the sunday afternoon that i've seen it.

sat down at smoking corner, first song i heard 'love me'. enjoyed the music. so after a pint each, left the place. saw this booth that says temporary tattoos, guess they air brush the tattoo for you. glanced quickly through the designs, there are a few for butt cheeks and there is the butterfly or was it the rose that i like? anyway, it was really a quick glance.

it was a nice evening as 1) completed what i set out to do 2) instead of sitting at home and flicking through all the channels and feeling bored at home, it was nice to be outside, it's a totally different, brand new perspective that i've probably lost it long ago.

took 10 mins to blog this.... overshot timing.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

can u imagine, i was like printing worksheets and eatin my da bao rice at the same time? doing many things at one time, save time, i could like finish 3/4 packet of my rice by the time i finish printing.

colleagues ask me need to be so exaggerate or not, i wanted to say, no choice, today gbe. but cannot say hokkien... so well, just said that very busy today.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010


You know, it's very nice to have your beloved sleep beside u, watch him sleep, pat him, touch his face, kiss him, hear him snore. Unless the one sleeping beside u is not your beloved.

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Time of the year when u think and think and think, no answer. It's weird, sometimes some things juz doesn't have any answers. and that is that, no solutions, nothing. And u wonder why u spent so much time thinking about it.

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wah, cleared quite some emails and finally got down to doing some of the admin stuff. This is how you spent your MC, there are more things to be done. Work is piling up, some deadlines are due next week. life is hectic, but as usual, i'll tell myself, i will survive through all these craziness! a crazy person will survive this craziness, a sane person may not.

aiya, this marcus, has not been telling me that he has chinese spelling on tuesday, this morning after much digging, then i realise. since he didn't learn, you can expect his marks. 0!!!! so malu, i told him, no wonder he has to go for chinese remedials in school becos he got a big fat 0 in his chinese spelling. a big fat 0 just like him and me.

mabel keeps a lot of things to herself. so when she asked me to help her print pictures for her science project, i try my best to do it for her. she is a sensible girl, she organises her own filing, she does her homework without being told, she learns her own spelling. now she makes milk for herself and her siblings. she is a sensible girl, but i feel that she keeps too many things in her heart. hmmmm, sounds like me....like mother, like daughter

max, mmmm, i realise that i may have hurt him with my tone sometimes. like when he call me, 'mummy?' and i'm in the middle of something, i will like answer 'what?' in a harsh way, then u can see his face change expression immediately. ok, i promise to be gentle to him, answer him nicely. aiya, sometimes very difficult, too harsh on him, i kena scolded, too gentle with him, people say i spoilt him, show favouritism. it's difficult to strike a balance. actually that is life. always striking a balance.

i wanted to blog about how inconsiderate some parents may be when they send their children to school. one of the school gate is near the bus stop, i usually alight M&M at this gate, then i'll move off for work, which is more conve. i always tell them to hurry to get down and close the door becos we are on the main road and sometimes i can see a bus approaching. and if i see another car behind me which also put hazard light, i will stop a little further up so that the car behinc can fit nicely into the bus stop without obstructing the traffic behind.

this morning, one car stopped in front of me, he stopped right at the entrance. i stopped behind him, the back of my car is definitely obstructing the traffic. luckily there wasn't much traffic at that time. so hurry ask them to alight, be careful not to swing the door and knock the barrier, then close the door.

all this while, the car in front, the mother get down from the back seat, 2 children alight, the mother got back into the car, this time front seat.

then i thought, ok, move off, becos i was quite close, i could not move off if he doesn't move off. then the car didn't move at all, omg, do you need to watch your children walked safely into the school, into the canteen? it's like only 10 steps, they will be in the school compound. so i reverse a little and move off.

inconsiderate parants, really inconsiderate. piu chou nua!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Yeah, by tomorrow, I'll be a debt free person, and I'll keep it like that. sure feels good. Tomorrow morning will be busy. Hope all goes well.
finally caught the virus from max. today feverish, doctor gave me 2 days mc. so early in the year, got mc already... ha, i can feel my performance bonus being deducted.

i can start to feel the cny mood, it's like in another 3 weeks... time really passes very fast.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

This morning went to tm and century square, bought new clothes for Mabel and myself. Also bought some new bedsheets for cny. wanted to buy a Korean boy costume for max, but didn't have his size, too bad.

Tonight actually wanted to treat mum at oasis Taiwan porridge, probably postpone to next week, since today they have fellowship.


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Saturday, January 23, 2010

Yeah, my house number came out 2nd prize, ibet!

Today brought ch to buy clothes, each one 1 set of clothing, bought for Marcus 6 sets of pj, his pj really cannot make it. then stock up on shampoo and conditioner, at least 6 months worth of stock.

well, it was really difficult to pull Marcus out for shopping. si since he is out, better buy all his stuff.


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Friday, January 22, 2010

Max is so cute. He's so happy that I'm home today, he was like mummy this mummy that since he wake up. He also has been following me around the house wherever I go. And he makes me watch playhouse Disney with him.


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oh no, i have the sore throat today. think i caught the virus from max. am drinking lots of water, hope there is no fever, sure kena cough later. sigh.

max still has the running nose and cough today.
so bored, waiting is a boring game. waiting can kill.

what the ..., just say, no need to be shy. after so many years of my life, i only started to use tampon for the first time. after reading instructions, so followed instructions carefully. mmm, i shall not describe in detail the procedure.

it was weird at first, but subsequently you should not feel anything. if u feel something after some time, it means that it's time to change. and it's funny, it kind of like expanded, that's why the uncomfy.

but it was certainly much more comfy than putting a pad. would i continue using tampon? maybe.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Now Max got the germs from Marcus. brought him to see a doc last nite. got medicine for his cough and blocked nose.

got to be super efficient these few days. many things to do and actually i got 2 days child care leave, but still come to work today, too many things to complete. maybe i'll take tomorrow. i dunno.

been quite tired lately, must be the hectic work that is draining my energy. so sleepy when it comes to 8 plus. last nite, force myself to go to sleep at 9 plus. good sleep, feel refreshed.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Argh, having a horrible headache. Juz take a needle to prick the temple. Think I need a good head and shoulder massage.


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Ever wonder if u have made another choice back then, how would life be? I guess humans are like that, always thinking about if they have made another choice, if I had chosen another man, if I had chosen to remain single, if this if that. humans are never satisfied.

But I guess thinking is thinking, we have to come back to reality to deal with real issues. also doesn't mean that choosing another may be better. Becos ultimately, the thing that requires change is you, your personality, if not u find that u come back to square one no matter wat u choose.

So in the mean time, allow me a little time to think of my what if.

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Monday, January 18, 2010


Wah super tired today. maybe I didn't have enough sleep last nite. Marcus didn't go to school today as his cough is still bad. I'll try to sleep early tonight.

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Sunday, January 17, 2010

Today has been a tiring day. Marcus is having a bad cough. juz want to prop my feet up to rest


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Thursday, January 14, 2010

I seldom watch 当我们同在一起. but I juz watch it juz now, I was like trying to control my tears.

It must painful for jianhong to tell xiaobei not to acknowledge his own flesh and blood. This is becos the son is used to calling another man papa. it must be painful for her to say this.

Similarly, it will be painful for xiaobei not to acknowledge his own son. Similarly, it would be painful for tarzan to raise another person's son.


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Finally, after meddling with iTunes for about 3 hours, finally leant how to use it. So when I confront my fear, u slowly overcome it. The beginning was frustrated, with obstacles to overcome. But once tell myself to cross that hurdle, the achievement is satisfying.

After 2 days of meddling with real player downloader and converting files, finally realize what students had been trying to teach me about downloading videos! Haha, how stupid their teacher can be? well, it's never too late to reliase and learn. Of course, need help from IT expert to enlighten. now i'm enlightened. Feels like doing a few more videos, but think I better go to sleep. Long day ahead tmr.

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Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Today went to gym, only day this week to go. Then I did something very stupid, I opened my car boot, put things down, then after I got what I want, I close the boot, then shit, I left the key inside.

Wat a stupid mistake I made! And I juz reminded myself to rem to take the key. So no choice, for to call Hubby to take spare key and taxi down. Stupid me.

After that, went waruku for dinner. mmm the hot sake is really nice. Dear ordered curry noodle, regular. When the food came, his bowl was so huge, really 夸张.


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Tuesday, January 12, 2010

today is pay day, went for a sumptous dinner to treat ourselves, shiok. we ordered crab and prawn. shiok. after dinner, i felt much better.

hmmm, i felt stupid, have been meddling with real player but to no avail.
feel so stress today. mum and sis seems to be having a cold war, mum asked me to find out from sis. sis and i also have not discussed about getting as new maid. Actually i'm procrastinating this becos deep down, really, i dun feel like hiring one as there will definitely be more problems.

back to thoughts, i really envy those who can put down everything and leave. carefree, nothing to worry about. why do humans have to solve so many problems? work also got problems to solve. i'm not complaining about my family or my work, i'm just tired and wonder why.
this morning, in that 20 mins that i was sitting at the dining table to drink my cup of coffee, father came out of the bedroom 2 times to pour water and made glucose water for mum. think mum is coughing, and when he entered the room, as usual, his nagging followed. well, i dun exactly know what happened. sympathise with father, he came back at 2plus last night after work, and with so little sleep, how is he going to concentrate on his work today? well, ok, i understand that mum is not able to do many things herself, so she needed help, of course, that i understand. but some things started many years ago.

anyway, on reflection on my own, they said that daughters take after their mum. i wonder if i will turn out to be grouchy and bad tempered like my mum. already the chng's family bad temperedness is already running in my blood. anyway, hubby has already warned me not to be like my mum when i turned older. i told him to give me warning when i'm like that.

also, maybe due to the fact that i didn't grow up in a complete family, many things i learnt to do myself. i do not like to trouble people. so when i fall sick, i either take medicine, go and sleep, or go see doc myself since young. father figure absent, so many things learnt to handle it myself. during my teenager years, when i'm feeling down, i also locked myself up in the room and cried.

anyway, for so many years, i've learnt to do everything myself. or maybe hubby has trained my well too. i dunno which is which. anyway, thoughts are extremely random as i'm running late.
Doubt I have the time tmr to blog. Tired today, slept early. Will continue to sleep after this.

Sigh, cny is juz round the corner. Why do I feel depressed? juz felt like going away for the festive season. But decided not to, seems like running away from the problem again.

Anyway, some problems are juz so difficult to solve.


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Monday, January 11, 2010

another start to a new week. hmmmm, feels like sleeping, not enough sleep. ok, i admit, i slept late last night. was meddling with the new phone.

mabel couldn't sleep last night again and requested to sleep in my room. max slept like a little pig, snoring! marcus was easy to go to sleep.

today o level results release, ok, i believe all will be nervous. for me, of course, i feel nervous for my 'babies' as well, but somehow, the results are there, cannot be changed. but as i always believe, if you put in effort to study, you will reap your fruits of labour. miracles do not happen.

sigh, so many things to do.

Sunday, January 10, 2010


I have a fetish for sleeping gowns. decided to put into store those auntie cotton ones. Bought 2 recently, one cotton gown, one silky one, dark maroon. actually saw one at tm today but 39.90, didn't buy, too ex. yah, while waiting for queue number to be called today, shop and bought jeans, pants and top. Hubby also bought jeans and top. bought a new swim wear for Marcus, new googles for max.
Bought 2 pants for exercise too. Hmmm

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Yeah, officially blogging from my iPhone, finally went to buy one today, after months and months of thinking. now busy putting apps in iPhone and so used to iPod touch. Need to transfer some things here.

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Finish dinner. So sleepy. Swimming is tiring. Tomorrow is the start of a busy week, all the way to sat. jia you.



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Thursday, January 07, 2010

Arghhh, intestines feel jammed up. Pain.


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just a quick one before i start the day.... hmmm sounds like a quickie.

1) u know that kind of feeling u get when u wake up and then u know that today's not a good day??? it's like u got up from the wrong side of the bed like that.

2) starting to question my womanhood now... hmmm, not that i want to change my sex... but then just that, i've tried, tried to slow down, tried to be pampered. but somehow, it's a little more difficult than i thought. or maybe it's my personality or style of doing things, i like to do most of the things myself. i don't like to trouble people. ok, after some analysis, i understand now, it's my personality.

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

exercise makes u sleep well at night, it makes u perspire a lot. u know, I'm feeling sleepy already.

Would I be able to sustain? I hope so. Think of the money paid, maybe I can sustain.


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Monday, January 04, 2010

Watching king kong now. King kong is so cute. He fights and protects the gal he loves (which I think I said many times) je protects her from the dinosaurs, and when the people came to save her and took her away, he gave chase without any fear. Although he is aggressive but he's really just a gentle giant.

Later in the show, he escaped from broadway and caught up with the gal, they had some blissful moments ice skating at the pond until reality caught up with them. Then in the end, how he fight till his last breath.

I really see this as a love story. A forbidden love between two people. I really wonder if I have the courage as king kong to fight for the one I love.


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My worst fears came true today. Mabel told me that she don't like to fo to school, she wants to stay at home forever. I knew it, I knew where it is coming from, I knew why she said this. I probe her into saying the reason. I gave her four choices, 1, friends 2, teachers, 3, bil, 4, studies. She chose 3.

I was so broken hearted when I heard this. The things that I was afraid would come true has finally happened. I'm really very sad, on impulse, I want to bring my children to leave the house. It's very heart breaking to hear this from Mabel, ans I find it so hard to explain to her without putting bil in the bad light. When I wa 21, my dad made it clear to me that he would nor be supporting me financially, I also told mabel that i'd shebos ever unemployed, I'm not going to be like mil or fil, still giving allowance.

Feel so sad, it pays to be calculative. I'm so stupid, everytime anything anything, never so calculative, but it doesn't pay.

This is not an easy way to solve this thing, the easiest I could think of now, is to take my children and leave.

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My new playground, riverside point, Clarke quay, the central and merchant court.


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first day at work, so far so good. been busy, time passes fast when you are busy. realised that i'm into the naggy mode to my children, i'm into the super disciplined mode in trying to be efficient in work.

less tv, less play for me now.

Sunday, January 03, 2010

kind of catch spider man 3 on and off on channel 5. then i remembered i cried while watching spiderman 2. tomorrow, they are going to show king kong, this is another movie which i cried when king kong died. how king kong fought to the last breath, probably for the woman he loves. how he spent happy times with the woman, but sometimes must go back to reality and the end is, he died. sad story.
Super 'song'. 1st 4d of 2010, ibet for 1at prize. Really dunno how to describe that 'song' feeling. It's like hmmm, with max waiting to use the iPod touch, it's difficult to think of a metaphor. anyway, last night shared the joy by buying dinner and drinks, except for mil's dinner, by the time is suppose to pay, I was at supermart buying things.

Anyway, it's a happy start to the new year.

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Saturday, January 02, 2010

hmmm, it's the second day of 2010....

1) new year's eve was well spent with family over sumptous dinner. countdown at sis in law's home. stayed overnight at the house, safer that way, confirm no road block. haha

2) new year's day, hmm, nothing special, stayed at home. at night, watched 'love happens'

3) today is saturday, oh, one part of the house wall had a coat of paint. hmm, looks different, feels new. thanks to dear lao gong, the handy man, who painted the wall. all this time while he was painting, i ran out to shop. oh boy, i had a great time, first window shop and then slowly choose what i want. i was like a small bird being let out of the cage. i really really took my time to browse and tried every single thing i could. it was actually quite fun, no wonder gals like shopping. you kind of get the kick out from trying the clothes and shoes and bags. it helps that the children are not with you. it was fun to shop alone too, becos u dun have to worry about other people, as different people have different interests. the good thing about shopping alone is since you don't have a second opinion, you need not buy the clothes you tried. but i know that this is really a luxury for me, to go shopping alone. i doubt i will find the time to do that once sch re-opens.