again i had a weird dream last night. It's kind of like similar with previous night's dream, but in this dream, i remembered i specifically ensure a distance between us. i also remembered in the dream that his gf appeared, he immediately became meek and so nice to the gf, like totally forgot that he had flirted with me just seconds before.

i guess that's my perception of men. funny, it doesn't really change much, i guess i just never say it (though last time i did maintain a different blog, but i think it was removed already because i didn't migrate it to the new interface)

yeah, last time i thought that by blogging it out, it was better, in retrospect, it gave me more trouble and i still strongly believe in my belief, some things are better unsaid.

so to blog about my weird dreams and my reflections is kind of like a phobia. i'm carefull not to describe the dreams too explicitly, not that it's very RA-ted, just prefer it to be vague. but what i find hardest to blog is my reflection. as i'm typing the first 2 paragraphs just now, i realise that some of my beliefs didn't change.

so as i was saying, my perception of men didn't change much. i'm not generalising that all men are like that, but some, if not most men are like this. On one hand, they flirt with other girls, some even get these girls to bed etc, on the other hand, when they go home, they are nice to their wives. i remembered a friend once said, 'though i flirt around, the woman that i love which is my wife is in my heart. i still love my wife.' This friend ended up divorce. some men would want to bed every woman they meet. so why can't woman do the same?

but if women were to practice this, they will say that woman are promiscous. double standard? yes, but i guess that is how society works.

i know i'm no saint, i've committed my sins. i'm just reflecting. the world probably doesn't change a thing after i've blog. i'm not asking to change anything. so much rumbling after a dream.

i'm still in a state of disbelief that after going deep down my mind, my belief didn't change. and it's frightening, because belief don't change, our actions are guided by our belief. but to do it or not to do it comes the self-awareness part.

i don't know how to end this, because my thought just keep flowing. but i guess i'll end here, becoz there are lots of work to be done.