What is life?

had wanted to slowly reflect and do this post, but really when is a good time, a time when i finish my work and all alone? so might as well do it now.

What is life? many people have their own ideas about life. some people mature faster due to life's experiences, some people mature later. some people are never contented with life. after they got achieved something, they go for more. some are contented with the things that they already have. no matter what are your views about life, this is my view of life.

I was one who didn't have much to start with. my family is not rich. i didn't grow up in a complete family. my father left the family when i was 8. well, he didn't abandon the family, he just had to leave because the marriage is just not working out. he still has to give the children allowances. so there were times when all these falsifying of expenses just to get more money. i actually didn't enjoy the time when he came and i had to bring the book out for him to see. then all the questions. but usually he will give. sometimes he was late and i'm dead broke. mum wouldn't give me the money, or probably she was broke too, i had to borrow from my friends first and when my dad gave me allowances, then i returned them. and i always had to help out with the housework which i usually would complain about doing. Because my mum likes to wash the clothes at the time when i had the most homework or on fridays when i had to polish my boots for npcc. so there was always a conflict of interest. and if you do not help her to do the housework, she would be very angry when she comes home.

so i was scared stiff about marriage initially. i was afraid that i will end up like my parents, divorced. it was after much time when my hubby gave me confidence that i make a commitment towards our relationship. We married at a young age, an age where i was only 22. to many, this is too young an age to get married, no finance stability blah blah blah. anyway, my hubby didn't have it easy with my family at first. when i know him, he was only 22, and me 19 and he was already driving a car. so to my family, he was like this ah beng, ah sia kia trying to woo their family member away. it was after many years later that they sense his genuine, sincere personality.

so in the intial months after my marriage, we didn't have much to start with. a comfy 3 room flat, sparsely furnished, with only a pocket tv. the only furnished area is the bedroom.

so to come to this stage of my life, i'm contented with life. as for my hubby, his business had failed not once, but twice. first, his father's business, the months of hardship of paying the debtors with his salary. then the 2nd time, things just didn't work out between him and his partners. yup, kind of hardship too, cos there was only my salary to maintain the family and banks calling us to pay our instalment. this was the period of time when we got our names blacklisted with credit bureau, a record which never can be erased. so now, we are contented with what we have, just not cut for businesses, better off working for others and take salary and family is happy.

I dun dare to say that my experiences are bad, but definitely our life experiences had taught us more about life. we bring nothing to this world, and when we leave, we bring nothing too, so many things in life, do not take it too seriously.

life will come a full circle. when it's time to go, it's better to let go and just go. you see, it's better that a person go then to be suffering on earth. more so since dad deals with pharmaceutical products. you see, the adult diapers are not cheap, commode is not cheap, wheelchair is not cheap. those bed are not cheap. so i really can imagine family who have bed ridden family members at home, the amount of money and the mental strength that one has to put in.

so i've tell myself, if anything should happen to me, either i get well fast or i let go fast. i do not want my partner or children to be burdened.