today i went to amk with a heavy heart. i'm one person who do not like to settle disputes, especially if it's between 2 adults. but this time, there is no avoiding.

when i heard of the news this morning, many questions streamed into my mind:
why did this thing happen?
it takes two hands to clap. if only mum has been kinder, maybe this thing could not have happen. T might have taken the things out of spite.
wonder if T took things from my house before? checked, no. sis checked hers too, no. GY checked hers too, no. so why only mum?

i thought this oould be a good excuse to let T go home. then i dun have to worry too much too. i thought i could strongly suggest to mum that T should go home, then perhaps if not necessary, then a part time one to do some general cleaning. i so made up my mind to do this.

but when negotiation, interrogation started, situation changed. even if there is no police report and T goes back, she would return with nothing. she had advanced 2 months pay. and her family would have nothing.

so details of interrogation was like this:
when? it was taken before T went back to see her family. the only reason she stopped short of bringing it back is because mum gave her a sling bag for her to bring back to her daughter. She knew it was not good, so she didn't.

how? it was sewn inside a pillow.

why? she liked the design, she thought that mum didn't want.

something which she realised it was wrong. i really see no reason. i taught her to teach her children that it was not easy for her to work. they cannot spend money like nobody's business and keep asking her to send money back.

still i couldn't understand. T has her merit too, she would be one who would give you back the money/coins left in the pocket. so why this? this phrase comes to my mind, a moment of folly.

when such things happen, the trust is gone. i've told her blankly, the trust is gone. she would have to accept it and it would take time for people to change. she may have to prove herself extra hard now.

then mum's grievances all came out. mum never tell me. T would be rude to her. i used to think that probably it's because mum used to scold her, so this is the defensive stance she took. if T has used more effort and put her heart to learn, maybe such scoldings will be lesser. or could be mum is impatient too. expect her to learn things fast. but come to think of it, 10 months already. when we work, we only get like 3 months or 6 months probation. 10 months... hmmm

then again, i was also thinking. from the first time she went back home, that would be like march. that means, this thing has been 6 months already. all these 6 months, she has so call plotted, sewed the thing inside the pillow. if mum didn't happen to help her carry her mattress, maybe we could not have found out at all.

in retrospect, since june, T had told S and GY about how mum had scolded her, how mum had thrown the food on the floor and asked her to sweep it up. in retrospect, had she tried to get people on her side by putting mum in a bad light?

and the funny thing was, the night before, mum was saying something to T and she just mentioned something about stealing money, T retaliated. i always thought that she retaliated because she was not happy that people accuse her of doing something she didn't. but on the night before, she knew, she knew she was guilty. so her act of retaliation was in fact to cover up her guilt.

then in retrospect, could she have been rude to mum these few months because of this incident too? there's a chinese saying, 恶人先告状, movies and drama serials had done it before. people who are guilty of doing something wrong, usually are loud and say many things to cover up.

T thought that she had 'won' by gaining many people's sympathy. but she had lost.
and the funny thing was, mum has good sixth sense. her sixth sense is damn good. i remembered when i first had my menses, i didn't tell my mum, she knew. when i was older, when i had a boyfriend, we were almost into that at his house, mum called his house at that crucial moment.

this time, the night before, mum suddenly talked about stealing money. then why on earth did she suddenly helped T to move the mattress? for so many months, she never helped T move the mattress.

mum said something. T said that mum does not have a good heart, always scold people. so now who is the one without a good heart? as i said, T had lost, now mum has the upper hand, i know it's going to be more difficult for T.

my mind is still thinking, i hope i can get to sleep. I usually can't sleep on sunday night. again, it could be stress. tonight, there are more issues for me to think, alamak, i can foresee myself not sleeping until 3am.