disappointed and angry

marcus didn't tell me that he got 66/100 for maths, he told his daddy. i only knew it from daddy just before we were about to go to sleep.

you can imagine after that, i toss and turn, cannot stand it, even in my pyjamas, i walked over to marcus' room, and asked him personally. being late, i didn't want to scold too much.

even until the next morning, though i can see that marcus tried to help me carry my things, i told him bluntly, 'no need, i can carry my own stuff.'

needless to say, i'm disappointed with him, angry with him. i think it's going to take months before i simmer down.

then as usual, reflect, reflect, reflect. how did things turn out this way? How can i make it better?

marcus is smart but lazy. he is smart but he needs guidance to unleash his potential.

then i reflect on my own. have i been spending too much time on facebook? have i been working too hard that i neglect him? thinking of this, it broke my heart even more. brings me to a point of thinking, should i quit my job to better look after my children? i really cannot balance work and children. i just feel so sad, i just feel so worthless, i just feel such a lousy mother. u care and work so hard with other people's children, u care about guarding whether you hit that percentage passes, whether you hit that MSG. by the time u reach home, u are so dead tired.

i really feel that i didn't give marcus enough attention. i really feel like a lousy mother. work so hard in career, but what do i get in the end? disappointment.