friend forwarded email, title " did u marry the right person?" how apt the email. but something i disagree with the email was that,

true, in a marriage, you learn to love the person you found, right, very true. but it forgot to mention that the person you found comes with his/her family.

even the strongest person will break down at a point of his/her life. i thought i was a strong person, i dun like to cry, it's a sign of weakness. when i was younger, when dad left, i cried so much. when i was a teenager, i cried so much, so i have told myself, be a strong girl.

did dad make the right decision at that time? i so strongly believe in giving my children a complete family because of this incident. i never want my children to feel the way i did. all this while, i asked God, if u want to punish me for wrong thing i did, punish me, dun punish my children.

a marriage does not only binds two persons, it binds two families. last night, i really broke down. i've heard so many stories about gal staying with in laws, i prepared myself, i did not know why i broke down last night. it was 2-3 years of frustrations, i guess. so dun envy me or wonder how i did it. i never do anything miraculous.

i come back, i hide in my bedroom. i want to scold my children, i scold them in the bedroom. i angry, i release my anger in the virtual world. i did nothing. so maybe all these years of doing nothing caused something last night.

i broke down. i was like, wtf, this is my house. i'm having so many restrictions in my own house. dun wear too short shorts, at home, i still have to be wearing my bra until the minute before i go to sleep, dun wear too short t-shirt that reveal the naval. impossible to wear nightie and walk around. cannot scold my children, cannot beat my children. i guess i was like enough is enough. i just so totally broke down.

i was never a calculative person, i hate to calculate to the last cent, last dollar. 做人一向很萧撒. it's like learning to love the person you found is already difficult, learning to love his family members proves more difficult and seriously there are lesser incentives to be accepted by his family members. so coupled with this, i juz broke down.

i feel like asking my dad, what factors caused him to make the decision back then? because now i'm like in my dad's position, maybe somewhat different. we talked about it last night, cried until my eyes feel so puffy now. (note: i was sober all these while) Adrian, i loved you and for the children and my promise to them, i will stay. as for outside factors that are causing the stress, we will deal with it together. i never blame you, it's not a blaming game. we chose each other for who we are, we will be, it's just that maybe i wasn't prepared to love your family members as you do.

so in conclusion, next time, i will shift my duty as a daughter from sunday to saturday. so i'll go back amk on saturday to visit my mum. This will lessen the tension.