Memories

Last night before I sleep, suddenly recall my mil's last moments. Don't ask me why, just recalled. Tuesday will mark her 100 days of passing.

Recalled how she took care of the family. My hands are trembling as I'm typing. Maybe today is mother's day. I hope I didn't fail her as a dil. We had some misunderstandings and differences. But I really want to thank her on this day for her care, her help. I will always remember how she takes good care of this family, especially how she use her last strength to cook dinner for the family, making sure we have dinner to eat before she goes.

I also recalled my grandma. Been dreaming of her the past few nights. But it's always at the scene of the hospital. It was as if she is well again. Recall her 慈祥 face, her white hair. Recalled my aunties use to say, when I was younger, when she looked after me, I would always help her to go down to buy things. I think her biggest worry for me is that I stopped going to church. I think she never tells me that. But I knew she kept praying for me.

I know I'm finding excuses not to go back to church. I know deep down inside. It's complicated.