marcus

on friday, marcus lock max in the room and mabel had to rescue max. then when marcus wanted to beat max, mabel protected max and in the scuffle, mabel got hit.

when i knew of this incident, i gave marcus a stern warning and good scolding. why didn't i beat him? if i beat him, then i'm contradicting what i'm scolding him about in the first place. Please dun come and teach me how to teach my children, please dun say that we are parents, we have the authority to beat.

i reflected on marcus' actions and on my own teaching to him. i always believe, monkey see monkey do. children follow their parents' action. maybe last time somehow, i had been harsh on him, i did put him in the room once for crying and crying. i only allowed him to come out of the room after he had stopped crying. probably he remembered that incident and did the same. so no, i did not beat him because that would only make him more rebellious, how come my mummy can beat me and i can't? he can say that he's the eldest brother so he also got the authority to teach his siblings when both parents are at work. so beating him will not solve the problem. i warned him that what he did reflects his violence. he can be sued or brought to the police station for being violent towards his siblings. i warned him about the consequences. his punishment: i took away one of his favourite thing for 24 hours, PSP. i asked him to use the time to mend his relationship with his siblings, ie, to know them more and show more care and concern for them.

then on monday, i received a sms from mabel that marcus beat her again. this time, i went home, marcus was still eating lunch. i told marcus that i've warned him before that he can be brought to the police station and i will do that after he finished his lunch. i even went to the extent of packing his clothes and toothbrush in a plastic bag and placed beside him. he displayed stubborness, he said, 'no' and he crossed his arms. he didn't want to eat his lunch either. then mabel added, 'marcus also beat tin.'

so from behind, i carried him. of course he put up a very strong struggle. i used the fireman's lift to lift him up. he started to cry. he struggled and his arm was frantically trying to grab hold of something. all this while, he was screaming that he didn't want to go. while we reached the gate, he grabbed the gate and i had difficulty making his hand let go. (and mabel came with marcus' belongings and shoes and asked me if i need her help to bring the things down. i rolled my eyes. mabel actually really thought that i wanted to bring marcus to the police station.) finally, i managed to make his hand let go of the gate. he screamed even more. he wanted to grab the railings outside. luckily he didn't, becos i could have easily thrown him down. so i carried him to the lift lobby. i put him down, pushed him against a wall and talked to him.

i asked him if he remembered what i said on friday. he said yes. i made him repeat what i told him on friday. i told him he had disappointed me by beating mabel again. (actually he beat mabel's hand when mabel refused to lend him something) and i also told him that it's a very serious offence to beat a maid. no matter how minor it is. i told him that the maid can really go to the police station and complained that the little sir beat her and that's it, even the parents also cannot save him. i had to end it as i dun want to take too long, otherwise my mil weak heart cannot take that her eldest grandson is being scolded by me. so i end off by warning marcus again, 'you think mummy is joking with you about bringing you to the police station? today i can drag you to the lift lobby, the next time, i can drag you to the police station. there will not be a next time, becos the next time, it's really the police station.'

after that, later at night, i sat marcus down and i went through with him again the warnings. i told him that i cannot allow him to have the idea that when he does not get what he wants, he beat people up, that is a sign of bully. i told him that i had to mete out some form of punishment to him. i told him that the cause of his violence may be from his PSP games, so i'm confiscating his PSP for 8 days. why 8 days? i dunno, i just blurt it out.

these few days, i followed up by asking marcus if he has beat anyone again, he said no.

it's not that i dun believe in caning. i do, but i believe in giving warnings first. we also cannot always use the cane until the children only fear our cane. use the cane at appropriate times. like marcus' second time, yes, i could choose the cane to beat him as it was the second time. i may have. different people have different ways of disciplining their children. dun come fixing your way of disciplining to my style. go experiment with your own children your way of disciplining.