13th June 2005

Albany

Woke up this morning. Discussed that we should go for breakfast, then head down to Albany Plaza where we could get food and most importantly get some toys for m&m, especially marcus since he is homesick.

The place where we had breakfast was really nice. It was very nicely decorated and the man was very hospitable. Made us some hot drinks too. The weather today was much better than yesterday. Heard on the news the previous nite that 12th June was the wettest winter and coldest day in almost 40 years of Perth’s history. It was like hovering at 10 degrees Celsius yesterday afternoon.





Anyway, after breakfast, went to k mart 1st. when we reached the entrance, we saw Thomas the train ride. Spend $2 in the ride for m&m. went into k mart, needless to say, marcus bought himself a Thomas train set. $50. mabel bought herself some Barbie magnetic thing where you could change her clothings $10.

After k mart, went to coles to buy food for dinner. Before we left Albany Plaza, they wanted to sit Thomas the train ride again.

Next, we head off to the Gap and the Natural Bridge. This time, the wind was not as windy as yesterday, waves were not hitting as strong, we could at least make our way to the viewing platform. Have to carry m&m becos it was difficult for them to balance and walk in the wind. The wind was very strong for them. Even as I carry mabel, I could feel the resistance as the wind was blowing.

The view is wonderful, lovely, beautiful. You cannot help but be amazed by the work of nature. There was this gap formed between two rocks. And the waves juz keeps hitting at it, causing some splashes at times. Then some distance away was the Natural Bridge. Geographically, it’s known as the arch. It was beautiful as well, I think beautiful is not good enough to describe it. Awesome?













With kids, we did not dare to venture too far out. But I realized that m&m were brave. Standing on the platform with the waves hitting below, they were not scared.

After that, we went to the beach nearby to have lunch. Chilly wind, but that didn’t stop m&m from going to the playground. After that, we came back to the room. They started playing with their new toys immediately.





We spent the rest of the afternoon and evening in the room. Mr Tan was not feeling well. Cooked simple meal this evening, macaroni soup.

Marcus slept early too, before 9. wish he could do the same in Singapore. But I guess there is too much distraction for him in Singapore for him to sleep early. Same as me, with no internet access here, I have nothing to do in the nite, so I tend to go to bed early. 10 plus by Singapore’s standard is early.

Oh yah, it is my birthday today. 30th birthday, and I got a birthday surprise for Mr Tan.

14th June 2005

Hyden

Woke up earlier in the morning becos we have a long way to travel. Started off at 8am.

Nearly lost our way on our way to Hyden. Luckily we turned back and back tracked a little.

Anyway, when we reached Hyden, we went to the Wave Rock first. It is really amazing to be there, looking at the Wave Rock. M&m juz enjoyed sitting at the bottom, like sun tanning like that.









our only family portrait for australia, i think




Need to look for accommodation. Stayed near the Wave Rock, it’s called Wave Rock Resort. It is cottage style, the cottage is made of bricks and about 15 units of cottages are smacked in the middle of a bush land. It is really bush living at its best.







it's afternoon, but it's very cold, u can see me curling up


When we go to the village to buy things, Hyden is a very small town. It has a population that is between 400 to 600. but the people are really nice and friendly.
Anyway, we spent the late afternoon in the room. It was very very very cold

15th June 2005

Perth, Scarborough Beach

Again we decided to set off early and drive as much as we could. We had breakfast 1st, then we set off towards the Pinnacles. We covered a long way today. I drove nonstop for 1 hour 20 mins. Hands were numb at the end of the driving.

For lunch, we stopped by this town and it was manned by a Chinese couple. We had fried noodle and fried rice. These 2 dishes never taste so nice.

At about 3pm, we decided that we have to stop over at Perth, becos we couldn’t possibly drive up to the Pinnacles. So I scouted for a place to stay, decided on a coastal region becos we had been and will be staying in the city centre. So came to this part of Perth called Scarborough Beach. Checked into this lovely serviced apartment, Seashells. Wow, it was really nice, the balcony has a view overlooking the Indian Ocean. There were people surfing in the ocean. It was really beautiful and romantic to be living here. There is a bathtub, looks like m&m can swim after all. It is really a nice place, I would not mind staying here for another nite.

too excited, the 1st pic, not taken well








the bathtub where m&m swam


We talked about it and decided that we shall drive up to Pinnacles on 16th, then drive back to this place again, then on the 17th, we will juz relax ard here, then on the 18th, drive back to Perth city to return the car and 19th back to sg.

16th June
Pinnacles

it was a long drive to the Pinnacles. it's really torturing. Mr Tan drove there.... it was raining and the highway is full of big trucks, it's really energy zapping.

by the time we reach there, i guess i didn't have the energy to go and appreaciate the pinnacles, juz rocks.... let the pictures do the talking.









when we drove back, it's already night, actually it's only 530 - 600, but it's pitch dark already.

very tired.

17th June
Scarborough beach

today, we juz relax ard this area, went to the beach, people were surfing, as usual, m&m were playing with the sand. they were happy.

18th & 19th June
Perth

drop by Uncle Peter's house to return the map. at night, becos we dun have the car anymore, uncle peter and auntie lisa will bring us out for dinner. had a great time with them.

some pics we took on the last day. flight is 5 something, so we had plenty of time. but i'm only putting 1 here, the rest not so nice



that's the end of our perth story

perhaps i have really changed

my feelings, my luv has never changed, but perhaps my behaviour has changed. i think it has definitely change. change for better or for worse, that's up to the people ard me to find out.

i've lose the most precious thing in life, i'm a sinner, no matter how much good deeds i do, it's hard to atone for my sin. that's the feeling i get. i feel now that even if i were to lose other things like my job, my love for others (m&m excluded), people's expectations on me or even my own life, all these do not matter as it's not as painful as compared to what i've gone thru last week.

perhaps becos of this enlightenment that i get, it has translated into my behaviour these past few days. i juz dun feel like talking about my feelings, share about my problems. i'm shutting people out from my life, including my the other half, sometimes m&m also. like now, i'd rather be in my room, on the pc than outside playing wif them.

i juz want to go thru my life, routine like, zombie like..... i juz want the days to pass by quickly so that the incident is far behind and i can get on wif my life normally (i hope) anyway, nothing matters anymore.

Perth holidays posting

ok, let me see, the postings are cut and paste from the diaries i wrote down almost everyday. i try not to change too much of the content. now in event if you couldn't read the first few days, pls do this: go to the archives, which i believe are strings of dates (the heading of the title says "Over the Summer') , then click on the week dated 06/26/2005 - 07/02/2005, the latest archives are right at the bottom and u should be able to see the postings.

5th June 2005

1st day of holiday

this morning woke up, called m&m to wake up, surprisingly they never fail us, they woke up immediately. Quickly changed and off to the airport.

these 2 pics were taken when we were having Mac's breakfast at T1. the aircon was blowing real strong, hence the jacket.






On the plane, m&m were watching the entertainment programme, mabel was a little more restless. She kept asking when we were reaching aust. Juz then, the airline crew gave all the children a little package containing crayons, coloring book etc to keep them occupied. Thank goodness. On the way down, due to the pressure, mabel’s ears were pain. She cried. Marcus was stronger. He was a cool man. Oh yah, marcus has been smiling and very excited since the moment he woke up till he reached Perth.

Checked into the hotel, then we went to the city for a walk. It was a long walk to the city, m&m couldn’t stand it, we had to carry them. My arms cannot take it after 2 streets. As usual, the shops closed exactly at 5pm. All started to shut their doors.

Came back to hotel to wait for Uncle Peter and Aunt Lisa. We are going for dinner. The night is cold, had to wear jacket. Went to the Chinese restaurant to eat, usual one, crowded, very crowded. Nice food.

Then came back to hotel after dinner, we were both very tired. m&m still quite active, colouring and marcus still playing wif his car. I’m going to sleep after this.

6th June 2005

Monday, Perth, Fremantle

This morning woke up, went down for breakfast. As usual, lazy Marcus couldn’t wake up. So in the end, we had to wait for him and ended up going out of the hotel at 10 plus.

1st thing we do is to go and rent a car. managed to find one company that is not too expensive. Actually today is public holiday in Perth, therefore the whole street is actually very quiet.

After that, we go to Fremantle. It was almost lunch time. We had fish and chips, funny, the fish and chips here taste better. It’s like it’s not oily or heaty. M&m sure enjoy the food.

this is a picture of mabel eating corn outside Timezone. Marcus is already inside Timezone, pretending to be playing on the game.



After Fremantle, we came back to the hotel room. All four of us actually concuss from 4 plus to 7pm. Then we went for dinner, late dinner, by the time we came back and settle everything, it’s almost 11pm.

Ok, m&m are waiting beside me, watching me type and waiting for me to stop, becos they want to use the laptop to watch their vcd. This is like touting like that, giving me pressure to stop.

7th June 2005

Perth, Harvey Hill Farmstay, Harvey

Check out of hotel this morning and drove down south to Harvey. We didn’t have a map but managed to find our way. It’s easy to navigate.

Reached Harvey Hill Farmstay, nice place. Very cosy, hilly view.

juz 1 pic of the unit we got.



After we rest for a while, we went to Harvey Centre to buy some food. Although it is a small centre, but they have everything. On the way back, we went to Harvey Dam to have a look. Nice place, 1st casualty of the day, mabel. She fell down when playing the playground, nothing serious, juz that I guess she was in a shock so she cried loudly.





oh yah, and this is the nissan sunny we rented:



the playground and obviously mabel has not fallen down yet.....







there was this bridge at the bottom of the bridge so we took some pictures there, hmm dun ask me why marcus is not wearing a jacket, becos i can't remember the reason why...





After we came back, I prepared the food for cooking while m&m was playing outside. Daddy was playing with them. It was a very serene feeling, how nice if we could do that in Singapore, but I know it’s impossible, becos we all need to work. Over here, we are tourists, we dun have to work and hence less worries. (yah, we juz spend money) but I really like the feeling. And I dun have to worry that m&m will be lost, basically they are safe. In fact I had to keep telling myself that they are safe, they dun need supervision.

there is this trempoline and swing juz beside our unit







then as i was cooking (gosh, this pic look so ah soh)



m&m were playing outside:





mabel was angry becos while she was holding her bottle of bubble, she bent down and half of the bottle's contents spilled out, and of course i screamed at her for making the floor wet and soapy, so she angry and she sat on the porch there, grounchy.



oh yah, then in the evening, the kangeroo on the farm came, so we went to look at it, at a distance....





We all had an afternoon nap. Then later, we woke up in the evening, m&m seems to be in concussion. They juz couldn’t wake up. So in the end, we started to bbq first, we forgot the butter, so we had to keep turning the food. (anyway, we juz had beef steak and chicken wings). We had dinner, mable woke up to join us in dinner. She drank some soup (that was the only food I cook, potato and carrot soup). Well, it’s healthy wat, meat and vege and soup. Balanced meal.

2nd casualty of the day: marcus. Dunno what happen to him, his eyes became swollen while sleeping, we suspect that he was very heaty. His eyes were really swollen, looking at him, I really felt sorry. So we let him sleep.

However, later at 10 pm, he woke up and became so active. Funny guy, funny sleeping hours. His eyes were still swollen. 3rd casualty of the day. Mr Tan. He was stung by a wasp that he caught. Well, wondered if I’ll be the next casualty.

Anyway, after typing this, I’ll be sleepy, we had a bottle of red wine, so juz nice. I’ll be sleeping near the fireplace, it is really cold in the countryside. It’s really an authentic fireplace where u had to start the fire and place some firewood inside. So got to keep the fire going. It was fun. As I was typing this, m&m were happily playing their games. Well, but I guess they are enjoying, becos even if they laugh loudly or run or bang on the floor loudly, we dun have to worry about disturbing the neighbour downstairs.

mr tan starting the fire, as usual, being a poor photographer (me), it's blur....



*yawns*. It’s not easy being a full time housewife, cooking, washing laundry, planning the route and basically m&m zaps most of my energy. On the other hand, I dun understand why I’m so easily tired.

3/7: after editing 3 days' worth of pictures and putting them on the blog, i'm tired... i'll take a break from perth holidays posting.... i'll continue day 4 tomorrow.

that day when we brought them to Hi 5 concert

well, when Hi 5 came to Singapore, bought tickets to bring them to see the show. this is the sample of the ticket:



When we reached there, becos of the food festival at the expo as well, there were so many cars, long queue to go into the carpark. so we decided to park somewhere nearby, which is simei and take the mrt. when we reached the expo mrt station, we have to literally run from Hall 6 to Hall 1, carrying m&m becos if we dun, (plus we have to go thru all the people) we would be late. by the time we reached Hall 1, the show juz started and we were panting. this is juz 1 of the pictures we took:



during the interval:



marcus looked really serious, he is also very funny, every time during interval, he kept saying he wants to go home already

then at the mrt station, on the way back to collect the car....





couldn't remember why mabel was so sad

ok, got my photo editing software. so let's start from the beginning before i go aust. have not shown u the ipod i got for my birthday....

long time no see

pls dun wait for my post for aust, cos 1) the digital cam is not wif me 2) i haven't download the photoshop on the pc, hence i cannot edit the pictures 3) most importantly i got no inspiration!!!!
but when i was in australia, i did pen down my thoughts everyday, so that i could juz upload to the blog.... it's juz that i wanted to add pics to the blog, then it's more interesting......

so much about my trip.. i shall keep it in suspense...

now enjoying apple wif mabel... she really likes eating apple.... marcus is the opposite, dunno why he doesn't like apples. thinking of buying a fruit blender to squash into apple juice for him..

tmr is 5th June!

no, in fact, in three hours time, we should be getting ready to go to the airport. well, reason why i stay up so late, well, went to bed with the children, had a nap from 11 plus to 1 plus, then when they are fully asleep, i woke up to check the internet on the various places we are going.

planning it is very exciting.

packed our luggage. it's 2 big haversack. yes, 2 big haversack for a family of 4 for a 2 weeks vacation. well, we were thinking, since we are going to drive around in Perth, moving from places to places, hand luggage or big luggage is not practical. so we managed to squeeze all our clothings, toiletries into 2 big haversack. easier for us to carry also. m&m will each carry their own bag too, with their jacket and their water bottle in their bag. i allow marcus to bring just 5 of his toy cars and mabel her crayons to keep them occupied. will also be bringing the laptop, so that they can be kept busy wif watching vcd on the car ride. i allow both of them to choose 2 of their favourite vcds each.

both of them are cetainly excited to go to aust. can be seen from their eagerness to pack their own bag, allow them to choose their clothing. in fact, after packing the bag, marcus thot we are going to take the plane there and then, he was a little disappointed, had to explain to him that the flight is on sunday morning and not saturday night.

ok, so much for the pre holiday posting. it's already 3.10am, got to go and catch some sleep. juz have this nagging feeling that i forgot to bring something. better go check my luggage again

end of roller coaster

i guess the past few days is like a roller coaster, it brings you up and it brings you down. in terms of personal stuff to settle before the aust trip, it's also the same. just endless things to do....

last nite, pc managed to be ok, now have spyware and firewall. walled it up. so far, no hiccups anymore. now the only thing to settle is the photo editing software. hmmm, that reminds me,thanks for all the suggestions and comments about the IT stuff and the software stuff. thanks, really appreciated all your kind thoughts and comments.

things are quieter today, i juz need to settle one more personal thing before the aust trip and it should be done by today. then tonite and tmr is packing time and surfing the net for more information time. have not change aussie $.

anyway, i'll be off to australia, perth, from 5th June to 19th June. so i may not be updating the blog and when i come back, u can be sure, i'll update wif photos.

one thing will have to be settled after i come back from aust. hmmm, today, my tone seems to be very sober, very neutral and very cool. the thing, oh, 2 things, more of family matters, which i will not elaborate here. (never wash your linen in the public) and if Jingyi of my form class is reading my blog, PLS DON'T SAY I PMS WHENEVER I NAG AT THE CLASS. sometimes i wonder how some of the parents put up with the nonsense of their children at home. i wonder also if the parents nag at them or not. you know who i'm referring to. remember what i say about attitude? well, i will not repeat, becos the card that you all gave me, says that i only say once, never repeat, never two times.

oh yah, i must formally thank the class for the lovely cake and the lovely sabo on the last day of school. yes, i received the video, thanks. can i dun go for your graduation ceremony, becos i think i'll miss all of you and i'll def cry.... wooaaaaa. actually all of you are very thoughtful and nice people. hmmm, the birthday wish i made was for all of you. 4E4 IS UNIQUE IN THEIR OWN WAYS. and i love all of you for that!

i juz feel that today my tone is like i'm speaking as if this is my last day on earth... sorry.... it's juz my mood now. hmmm, hope this is not my last update before aust trip.... oops, there i go again. positive attitude, come on, sandra.....

this is really not my usual style of writing. ok, i shall stop anyway, it's 8.15, suppose to go for workshop already.

ARRRRGH AGAIN!

ok, pc was repaired, last nite, which is a wednesday nite, i was trying to do my work, read my email, update my blog with pictures about Hi 5 concert on sunday. guess what

Problem 1: i do not have photo editing software after the pc was repaired, hence i could not resize the photo. this is disgusting. so pls bear wif the pics in the blog. if dun like to scroll to see the whole pic, then dun see, juz see half of it, have a more artistic eye for the pics, ok?

Problem 2: i tried to resize the blogging part to make it bigger so that the whole pic can fit into it, but i couldn't understand all the html code. so i gave up trying.

Problem 3: idiot, my pc was infested (note: i use the word infested, not infected) with spyware and adware. idiot advertisements keep popping up and better still, from yahoo site, i was always redirect to this stupid website. luckily it's not a porn site, otherwise my hubby thought i've been surfing porn and get the pc infected. anyway, the final verdict, download the spyware doc 3.2 and then the whole pc hang on me (again! shit! abc... xyz... *#!#)

this time, it's not the screen of death (the black screen). this time is the blissful image, juz the clouds and grass, but the icons didn't appear, the toolbar also didn't appear. by then it's already 1 something at nite, i really give up. and yes, i gave the cpu a kick! stupid!

back to lighter notes,

i will update my blog about

1) bringing marcus and mabel to Hi5 concert on sunday. i took so many pics, even the picture of the tickets, of m&m taking mrt etc. but i guess when my pc is repaired, i'm not in the mood to blog anymore, cos it's already so many days ago, memory not as vivid.

2) my new gadgets.

i'm vexed, sad and frustrated. tired also, so fast 1/2 hour break gone, now must go for remedial and i didn't have time to eat my breakfast. damn it.

pc is ok

but i was trying to edit my sunday's photo, realise i've only Paint to edit the picture and Paint is a stupid software. if i can't edit my photo, then i can't load it into my blog. eekssssss, why pc have to spoil?

ok, 1 photo i manage to do before the pc crash, this is marcus and mable taking the cable car.



and i particularly like this the best. their backview and i make it into like sketching like that.

pc at home spoil

last nite, the dear pc crashed on me, think i itchy hand, went to remove some programmes and turn out like that. can't even load window interface. i was all ready to blog with photos about yesterday, cos i brought the children to watch hi 5 concert. it sucks. now i can't even read email, blog or even chat. and i have loads of things waiting for me to do, how life sucks.... juz before my auzzie trip.

sigh i'm not in the mood to blog anymore..... sorry..... *burst out crying*

arrghhhhhhhhhh

let me start with the unhappy stuff first. heard that someone is looking all over the place for me. they think my form class is having mother tongue intensive programme, then the form teacher very free huh? hello, i've got to relief classes.... oh no, i know u looking for me, so i purposely go and hide myself, want to play hide and seek with u.......... Dumb lor, these people. they think we will sit in the staff room during our free period, waiting for them to come and get us. oh please GAL (Get A Life)

then in the afternoon, i was so stretched in all areas. wait need to draw out armoury room keys, wait need to meet parents, need to eat birthday cake, need to type out consent forms. how to handle so many things at one time? so feel like killing them at that time. anyway, after some tears of frustration, i felt better. table is in a total mess, forget it, i can't be bothered. should have taken a pic of my table juz now.

ok, now for the best part of my day. my students bought a birthday cake and pre celebrated my birthday for me. well, i know there would be a surprise for me, but i didn't think that there would be a cake, not to mention the present and flower. i was touched. i had to control my tears esp when they sing the birthday song. but i dun understand why is there a need to be irritated first before i received the surprise?

ok, then photo taking, then blowing of candle, i wish ..... hmm, cannot say, otherwise it will not come true... i know, i wish upon a wishing starz... sounds familiar? ;)

then cutting of cake and distribution of cake. then sabo time...... some hold a small piece of cake and they were like lingering around me, and then i heard the 'satu, dua....' that's it, whamp.... i have cake on my face, hair and even up my nose.

the aftermath? well, i couldn't finish such a big piece of cake, luckily i have tupperware, so i packet the cake home. and my hair, it's still oily from all the cream and later i'm going out for dinner with my mum! oh gosh.

today is suppose to be eat together with family day. then please explain why are there still so many teachers and students in school? where is family life?

tmr have to follow students to go to a boring workshop, it's like so boring lor........... it's such a waste of time. juz becos i'm the i/c in charge of competition.... sigh, i dun want to talk about it, work so long hours this week, now sat also work so long, until 1.30pm leh. so stupid lor! idiots!

wat a Friday

wat is wrong? can't they organise things better, no co-ordination, so messy and we have to clear up the shit for them? what's wrong? too many activities planned? too top-down? what is new at work anyway? i shall not elaborate, emotionless...

ok, receive encouraging sms this morning. too bad i dunno how to change my setting for my blog. when i have the time, i'll study the template and trial and error to make my blog more reader friendly. i know the font is a bit small. i will also make the pics better so that u dun have to scroll to see the whole picture. but please give me some time to do this up properly. btw, how many people here reads http://xiaxue.blogspot.com ? out of curiosity....

bought star wars dvd

bought the whole set of star wars movies, from episode 1 to 6, with the exception of episode 3. hehe, i'm going to watch everyone of them.

ok, as i'm blogging this now, marcus is right beside me, bugging me to play crazy taxi with him and telling me about his stuff in school. so i better end this blogging fast, i cannot multi task with him beside me. should have taken a pic of him standing beside the comp.

anyway, had a shitty day today, dun want to talk about it. the day is over, i'm done with the things that makes me angry. bought some nice cool beer to chill out later and some chicken wings....

Took a psycho test and here is my result....

those parts which i agree wif, i'll bold it.


sandra, your subconscious mind is most preoccupied with issues around your family life

On a conscious level, you might already be aware that something is troubling you, or eating up a lot of time when it comes to your family relations. But it's also possible that family issues have been preoccupying your subconscious mind — leaving you with nothing more than a general sense that things just don't feel 100% right in your life though you can't quite figure out why.

You may feel slightly bothered by situations or relationships in your family, or you may find that your family just isn't fulfilling you in critical ways you desire. You also might find you spend a lot of time worrying, or thinking about your family members and their situations. You might feel that family issues take up a lot of your energy. Or maybe you're so frustrated with your situation that you avoid the topic all together.Whichever feelings hold true, your test results indicate that right now, your subconscious mind is working overtime to resolve the issues confronting you in this area of your life — even if you don't feel aware of it.

great, i learnt how to add photos

so for those who have been reading about M&M, here are their pics....



this is when they 1st go to school, took their pic before school



this was their best pic together as brother and sister



This was juz before bed time. yes both of them squeeze with us on the miserable queen size bed

2nd day of long weekend

had some rest then it was mj at nite. as we were playing, arsenal and Man U was playing.

3rd day of long weekend

early in the morning, went to the temple to pray. it's the fifteenth month of the year. after that, went to buy some winter clothings for the aust trip. then went to funan IT mall. went to buy SD card for the digital cam. in the meantime, i also went to check out the iPod mini and HP iPaq.... still thinking which one i need most.... when we came back, i was so tired from all the thinking that i fell asleep. before i knew it, mum and grandma and aunties were here for the steam boat dinner.

these are the two models of HP iPaq i was contemplating:

day 1 of long weekend

exciting day or i could say nite.

1) went to catch star wars in the evening. i realise for star wars, it's really regardless of race, age, language (saw 2 mute people communicating thru sign language) and religion? well, dun see any monks that is... George Lucas is good. now i want to go and find star wars 4 (if it can be found) cos i was so young when it premiered.

2) played a game of pool. won 1st 2 games, then lost 3 games. damn it. lose, thought i could win the bet, but it's like that all the time. i cannot bet, once i bet, i'll lose, cannot play competitively one... rusty skills...

3) went MU at 1130. nice music, chio bu (plenty) and boy, they were hot. they went to the bar top to dance and those guys were juz drooling..... and nose bleeding too....one gal was in fact quite openly flirting wif the guys... well, i guess we come to a conclusion, if u have it, flaunt it.

4) den 1 plus went to a quieter pub to chill out. nice cosy place, music not that loud... nice music playing in the background.

when we reached home, children are asleep, so cute.... so peaceful they look.

ok, today is day 2 of long weekend.

finally finish marking!

so zombie-fied after all the marking, but i'm glad that it's over. now can really enjoy the long weekend.

plans for this weekend:
1) mj
2) clubbing
3) planning for aust trip
4) tie up some admin work in school

well, of course, m&m will not be neglected becos i've been neglecting them this week. so poor thing, they tried to talk to me, tell me about what happens in school, but i was juz impatient to respond to them. must make it up to them.....

wish

hmmm, was thinking of getting a iPod mini, the present mp3 player i'm using, so like stop watch, design not cool leh... iPod mini seems juz nice for a lady, hmmm, been scouting ard for a good bargain.

another impulse, saw the DBS cashline promotion on HP iPaq, with 2 free items (digital cam and printer) so impulsive to buy. cos i've been wanting to change my phone, but then can't decide what model to change to, so with this offer, i was very tempted to buy. but then i dun really need a pda phone, i juz need more of a pda to keep me busy, occupied while waiting. i'm in a dilema (gosh, how to spell?) becos i dunno if i buy the iPaq, it's more for the phone (which is actually quite bulky, O2 mini is actually nicer in design) or for the offer as i need a printer soon. sigh...

then last nite, issuing cheques to pay for m&m holiday prog, plus their term 3 school fees are due soon, i sort of push the idea of buying the iPaq aside. becos what i pay for the iPaq, can almost pay both of their school fees. with that thot in mind, i kept on convincing myself that i'm not going to take up that offer.

somehow, with children, it does wonder to your spending habit. you tend to put them first. their education, their toys, their needs/wants over yours. yah, i work so hard for them, if not for them, i wouldn't work so hard to find extra income for the family.

we took the cable car

yesterday, decided to bring the kids to harbour front. actually it is becos SAFE opened a new branch there and we wanted to check out the price of the plasma tv.

went there for lunch, (cannot mention the name of the restaurant, otherwise i may be sued) but food was so so. not exactly nice, it will be my last time there. but while eating, M&M saw the cable car and was looking at it.

then we went walking ard, went to SAFE, may be thinking of buying an iPod Mini...

then when we are going back home, marcus was very sad and we knew he wanted something (oh yah, btw, after lunch, he brought us to the shop becos he saw thomas the train story book, so in the end, we ended up leaving the shop, marcus: thomas activity pack, mabel: big coloring book) ok, back to the previous sentence.... so i asked him what he wanted, he pointed upwards to the cable car, that's it, he wanted to take a ride in the cable car.

so we decided to drive up to mount faber and take one round of the cable car. needless to say, they were very happy. (i should learn to upload some pictures here, took a pic of them while we were in the cable car) they were not frightened... and even wanted the cable car to go faster.

the cable car was very crowded with tourists on a sunday... good business, that's good, i think we were the only Singaporeans there. also when i took the cable car, i was recollecting my memories of the cable car ride in Cairns, australia, wat do they call it? gondola ride? yah, it was like passing over the top of forests, rivers... and the weather was cooling, unlike the cable car ride, which was a little bit hot.

and after we alight from the cable car, marcus said, 'tomorrow, we come to cable car again.' i was juz telling my hubby that he better dun make this cable ride thingy a weekly affair. but i'm happy that they are happy.

so many marking

let me put on record my marking

1) Geog Elective - 4E/5N 4 classes
2) Social Studies - 4E SBQ 4 classes
3) Social Studies - 4N SBQ 4 classes
4) Geog Elective - 4N 2 classes

that's 14 classes of essays to mark!!!! good luck to me.

for goodness sake, solve the problem

whenever a problem is pointed out, i seek thy co-operation to help solve it, not to question me why i have overlooked the problem.

is it of any point if thou has managed to pinpoint my fault? we have so many things to take care of and i cannot overlook a small mistake? then thou all have so many things to take care of as well, and yet thou can overlook the same mistake? so can i question thou all why? why thy overlook this issue when reminders have been given? why thy has make a mistake?

do i also have to eternally grateful to thy becos thy have approved my leave? kcuf, revoke the approval, withdraw the approval.

so angry with thy all, that i'm trembling.

HBO

recently subscribed to HBO. realise that marcus is into action movies and mabel horror movies.

marcus can sit quietly on the sofa and watch the action movies and he's picking up some language. like when we watch 'bad boys', someone said 'chicken shit' and marcus picked that up and felt that it was so funny. but if it's horror show, he'll run to the room.

as for mabel, she sits on the sofa to watch the horror movie. and she doesn't close her eyes. there was once she got frightened by the show, she juz jump a bit. i realise that she was scared by the sudden appearance of that person. so i carried her on my laps and we finish the horror movie together. luckily she didn't have night mare that nite

weather is so hot

the weather is so hot nowadays. when we reach home, it's the air con we hit the button first. and this is only the beginning. think there are more hot days ahead. global warming? yes, maybe.

donuts, M&M's favourite snack. i can see that mabel's face has changed a lot. her face became rounder from all her non stop eating. fat fat already, not chio already.

marcus has been wanting to buy the magic pen which mabel bought on sunday. well, i purposely want to make him feel the pain. on sunday, when we go ntuc, they all choose the magic pen. then as we walked, again, he saw the cars, he wanted to buy 2 toy cars. of course, i refused. so i negotiated with him, he has to give up his magic pens for the toy cars. he agreed. so he bought the toy cars. and on sunday, he was playing with it happily.

then come monday, he start to 'disturb' or i should say pester his sister to lend him the magic pens. mabel of course, refused to share with the brother. so marcus was very sad. had to remind him that he gave up the magic pen for the toy cars. he seemed to understand this on mon. then on tues nite, he pestered his sister again. i talked to him, carry him on my lap and reminded him that he gave up the magic pens, so he has to suffer the consequences. then he started crying, and he was like so sad face. broke my heart, but i was determined to be firm in this. he has to learn to cope with losses.

but it also broke the daddy's heart. daddy promised to buy him magic pens and also another one for mabel. condition is that nite, mabel has to share the magic pens wif the brother. so in the end, all are happy, except the mummy.

anyway, brought in the table for them to draw and colour. it was like 11 plus at nite. by the time we slept, they are still drawing. has to chase them to bed at 12 plus. gosh, they are such night creatures.

long weekend

The long weekend came and go....

on fri, after sports day, went to colleagues' house for a swim. well, i couldn't swim, so the four of them went to swim while i look after their stuff and i could actually doze off on a hot afternoon (of course, i have that huge umbrella as shade) after that, we went for hi tea, had a good talk. we literally talk all the way till evening time about 7 plus. by the time i reached home and showered, it's 9 plus, and guess what, i slept. slept so soundly from 9 plus till the next morning 8 am. almost 11 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

then on sat nite, was playing yahoo games, played until 4am then sleep.

on sun nite, after mother's day dinner, went to cousin's house to play mahjong. it was good fun becos we 4 cousins (cousin 1, cousin 2, my sister and me) hardly have chance to get together to talk and catch up wif each other, so it's like a one stone hit 2 birds kind of thing. well, we started at 12 midnite, then we played all the way until 7am. by the time i reached home, it's 8 plus. slept for only 3 hours, until 11 am then woke up and brought them out for lunch and family outing. it was good fun, altho i'm tired. didn't sleep in the afternoon too.

frens say i'm crazy, can sleep, got free time dun want to sleep. i dunno, i juz felt that sleeping is such a waste of time. if i dun sleep, i can finish so much more things. unless i'm very very tired, like on fri nite, juz knocked out. some frens were surprised that i didn't go partying on fri nite, since it's a long weekend. i dunno, i'm tired, so no mood to party too.

4E4 '05

juz want to say, i really appreciate your kindness and thoughts and a big thank you! u make my day.

i really hope that all i've said make sense to you. i know some of you have already realised it and are trying very hard. maybe i shouldn't be distracted by those who still wants to irritate teachers.

watever it is, you'll always be my little darlings/children *goosebumps*

children

had a good time wif them yesterday. played snap, guessing game wif them. felt that young children, although young, cannot lose, also want to cheat. mabel has been losing in the snap, basically she is not as agile as her brother, so there was once when the brother snap, she retrieve back her card and say, 'not the same, so cannot snap.' u can imagine marcus' frustration. and both are as stubborn as me. always having little tiff wif one another.

i know mabel likes to provoke marcus by touching his things and stuff like that, then marcus will shout at mabel. there was once i caught marcus shouting, i asked him, 'why are u so angry?' then he came running to me and said in between sobs, 'i dun like mabel.' well, even tho i dun like him to shout, but at least i felt that he's letting his anger out, no good to keep it inside and let it grow into hatred.

and both of them are such night creatures. so sleepy in the day and lethargic, but come nite time, so difficult to make them sleep. last nite, juz before sleeping, still reading books and having some phonics training. and they actually have a song, 'what is the sound of the letter a? air air air.' and yes, they sang all the way from a-z and it's like almost close to midnite already.

mabel is funny. she always blinks her eyes, look so innocent to get something. and when u scold her or raise a little of your voice or juz stare at her with those fierce eyes, tears will well up in her eyes, and she will start crying. melts my heart everytime she does this.

marcus makes his grandma buy him thomas the train already. i tell you, his assets, (cars + trains) easily add up to 50 plus. i always say, he should arrange his cars in rows and we can start counting how many cars + trains he has. yesterday he bought 'toby' and 'diesel' that's 2 more addition to his trains and cars. and the funny thing is, he's not tired of the cars and trains. he can play wif them for hours.

it's friday

today is more light hearted. i dunno why. maybe it's the end of the week, maybe storm is over, maybe exams are coming.

anyway, juz want to say... things in my blog may sound horrible, but dun worry, i'm ok. becos basically after i vent out my frustrations in my blog, i'll be ok. so watever u read from my blog, juz take it with a pinch of salt.

so fast

it's already thursday, tons of things to do, sianzzzzzzzzzzz

well, guess that is life. this is the path we choose. i'm really loss for words.

i didn't sell my life

juz want to say something to people who are employer and employee

to the employer:
dun think that we are always expected to give that extra juz becos we take your filthy salary. We didn't sign in our letter of appointment that we sell our life to u. never mind if you dun take care of our welfare... give us back our life!!!!

to the employee:
work is never ending. juz do your best and meet the deadline. watever we do, our boss already has an impression of our abilities already. and watever they do is correct and they always have reasons to justify their actions, their decisions.

a week has past

well, not been blogging, cos i was pissed off this week, not only by my form class (some of them) also about other matters. so better not blog, otherwise all the vulgarities will come out and den people will tell me, 'wow, your blog very vulgar leh, no good, other people, esp students will read.' foff, i really dun give a damn. if u can't read it, den dun read it. everyone is entitled to some form of free speech.

as can be seen from here, i'm quite piss now as i'm blogging.

ok, 1st, speech day is finally over, can heave a sigh of relief.
2nd, marcus has been coughing very badly, so bad that he needs the inhaler so that he can inahle the medicine. cough non stop during the night. only rest for 10 mins or so, i can't sleep. kept getting up to look at him. that was on tues nite.
so on wed and thurs nite, both my children were actually at my mil's place. well, since she volunteered and forcefully take on the role of caregiver, so we should not dampen the spirit. but it was very weird, coming back to a house, so quiet, so empty. miss their noise, their voice, their quarrel.
3rd, i will not blog about friends and students. i'm still sore... i dun want to hurt anyone wif the harsh words i say.

juz something before i go.
to friends
everyone has their own personality, if i never force u to conform to my personality, then dun force me to do things u want me to do. u can only hope. if i dun respect u as a fren, go ask my students, how i treat those whom i've totally lost hope or lose respect. no mercy wif my words if i dun respect u as a fren. i care for u as a fren that's why i choose not to hurt u wif the things i say.

to students
i've said all i want, i've even shared motivational things wif u, give u scenarios to make u see the big picture better. but all has failed. some of u are juz plain stubborn. i hate stubborn, if it's my children, he would have gotten whacked by me. i may be kind, i may not be fierce, but please dun take my kindness for granted. i will not show mercy if i dun give u face.

clubbing

went clubbing on fri nite. newsroom bar first, from 10 plus to 1 plus. songs are great esp after midnite. but lots of frens are tired and needed to go back home to rest. i was a little crazy, not club enuf, it's like not shiok like that, so dropped off at hotel phoenix, Music Underground. well, standing outside, waiting to go in, i can hear the music playing inside, wow, all my fav songs. but frens want to go devils' bar and is picking me up. so i waited outside.

then hor, got 2 big groups of people, shouting at each other very loudly. some want to help to settle things, the 2 big groups of people is like 10 over people. i quickly shift myself and waited for my frens by the roadside, safer.

but i think they didn't fight lah.

anyway, went to devils bar, reached there about 2 plus. i'm surprised that there is still a queue to go inside.

oh yah, before we went in, was looking for a place to park the car. we saw one empty space, but on driving further, we saw this man lying on the floor, on the empty parking space. he is dead drunk! his car door is open, and he juz lies down there sleeping, so dead drunk! don't dare to help him, i also dunno if his things were taken by people or not. so poor thing, so dead drunk and lying there all by himself. if this is other countries, his car would have disappeared too.

ok, when we went in, after a couple of drinks, hit the dance floor. we danced until about 4am or plus. oh yah, in devil's bar, almost have 2 fights inside also. (on seperate occasions) bouncer reaction very fast, separated the two groups. this was the 1st time after so many years, that i saw 3 fights almost happening. and plus that weird man... it was an eye opener for me that nite. makes me think also, how come newsroom bar does not have such problems. hmm, cos the crowd there is older, cos the place is much bigger, so we dun intrude into each other's place? dunno

anyway, left at 4 plus, surprise that there is still a queue outside devils bar. btw, devils bar closes at 6am. but i old liao, couldn't party until 6am.

all things turn out well anyway.

updates on wheatgrass

i have 3 trays of wheatgrass that i planted. been watering it and observing it every day. well, the 3rd pot has about 4/5 wheatgrass growing. the rest, still can see the seeds, still waiting.

can u imagine my happiness when i saw that 4/5 wheatgrass???? hard work in planting them. will wait patiently for the rest of the wheatgrass to grow.

laptop

it's either my laptop or blogger... dun u get frustrated when all that u blog disappears, then u dun have the inspiration to blog anymore. that explains why i have not been updating my blog.

ok, first the laptop.

on fri morn, when i turn on my laptop, i saw the desktop theme was windows classic, i always had it on windows xp. so changed the desktop them back to windows xp. then when i opened 'my documents' to start working, to my horror, all my doucments were all gone. all my four years of preparation, admin stuff, exam papers, all gone!

panic. cool myself down to call the IT technician. he said he'll come down asap, about 15 mins time.
well, the 15 mins is eternity, i was like no use crying, i really felt like crying when i think of all the documents gone. hated myself for not backing up my data. tried to mark some papers, but it was like totally blank. but i tried to mark to keep my mind off the laptop. my colleagues were like, 'wow, u are so cool! your whole documents wipe out, and u still can mark." in my heart, i was thinking, no use getting angry, if it's a fact that it's wiped out, it's wiped out, if it's not, then it's somewhere in there, it's juz that i dunno the path where all these files are.

when the IT technician came, i was like heave a sign of relief. he quickly found back all my documents and teach me next time where to find them if the same thing happens again. he also helped me back up my data in another storage place.

lessons learnt in the 1/2 hour:

1) always back up your data. dun wait, one of these days... one of these days, your laptop will wipe out everything.

2) really no use fretting over things. the main thing is to get things solved. the waiting part can be suffering, but cannot sit and wait... even though i couldn't solve my own problems, but no use getting upset over it, juz move on. guess in life also like that, no use getting angry over it, juz move on and solve the problem

3) technology cannot be trusted 100%

there were more lessons i blogged on fri, but now i could not remember already. nvm, wtf

What keeps me going on?

was thinking... what is it that keeps me going on?

1) money: probably, as i've said in my earliest post.
2) children: i think, bulk of me going on and pushing myself further is none other than M&M. sometimes i feel so guilty of not spending enough time wif them.

there was once, i was doing my work in my room, typing. then marcus was pushing this shopping trolley thing, and like driving it like that. as the trolley was a bit noisy, so as he was pushing it into the master bedroom, i juz call him, "marcus!". then so funny, the next thing i knew, he juz pop his head in and said, "Hmmm, yes? mummy?" my heart melted at that time. i actually wanted to scold him, but seeing he is so cute, i soften and juz ask him not to push the trolley anymore as it was so noisy.

there was also once, i was so hungry, was eating cup noodle, they had their milk already, so by right, they shouldn't be having any supper. afraid they are too full. but when marcus saw me with the cup noodle, he juz follows me. when we tell him, 'no marcus, u juz had your milk.' immediately his face changes, so sad face. i was so soft, melted when i see his disappointed face. then when i told him, 'ok, we'll go and see if we can find biscuit.' his face was so happy. immediately lighted up.

as for mabel, she was like so demure, so like to cry. u wouldn't bear to make her cry, so u tend to be more gentle wif her.

they are at a very talkative stage now. they will tell u anything, everything. really literally got to stop my work and devote my time to listen to them. so for them, i'll push on and when i'm down at work, i'll think of them.

marcus is so spongebob

marcus has been watching the spongebob squarepants lately, over and over again. he's scared of shark tales, funny... he dun like the sharks.

then now i realise he keeps singing that 'goofy goober' (if that' s how it's spelt) song. so spongebob.

finally plant my wheat grass

today i finally plant my wheat grass, but the whole process takes time. need to soak the seeds, etc then after placing the seeds, need to cover with newspaper for two 2 days. well, after 2 days let's see how it turns out to be.

find that gardening gives people a somewhat calming effect.

a week is over

so fast, one week juz passes by like that. already 1/4 of the year has already gone by. what can is say?

feeling very heart pain now, dunno why, dunno wat to say.

juz want to say that works sux, but the money is good, for the sake of money, i'll perservere (s***, think i got the spelling wrong) on

@#&*

in case u wondered what is that, i'm cursing. yes, cursing.... i spent the past 1/2 hour blogging about the teaching profession but none of it was saved. guess it's not meant to be published.

anyway, the profession juz got worse and worse each day. juz want to say:

read sat's forum page, you'll know why

on sun, heard a NIE undergraduate killed herself becos she didn't pass the exam and they want her to pay back $70,000. where to find the $$$?

today, heard a fren is seeing a doc for depression and she is a teacher.

1st day of another week

well, i'm definitely feeling the blues, since this week is 1 day longer than the last week. nvm, will hold on, partly becos i didn't want this week to come, it signals a very very very busy month for everyone, teachers and students. i'm looking forward to 1) the Labour Day Holiday. this signals that exams are coming, can slow down a little. 2) once exams are here, i'll be horribly busy marking. till then, i'll look forward to my australia trip.

have been talking to marcus and mabel about the australia trip. know it's a bit early to tell them, but i can't contain my excitment.

oh, we usually sleep this way, daddy, mummy and marcus on the bed and mabel on the mattress placed beside the bed. on a sunday morning, mabel actually climbed up onto the bed and squeezed in between all of us. it was kind of squeezy but i like that, feels close to them. this is something no one else can share, family bonding.

to everyone out there, hope your monday blues are not as bad as mine, and hope everyone can have a happy day!

1st day of school

not exactly busy, but very tired, not used to it. legs ached from too much standing also. not used to getting up early too

and i told myself that after watching amzing race tonite, i want to go and sleep early, but then look where i ended up. need to do some surfing on the net. it's like tired, but dun want to go and sleep, it's like sleeping is a waste of time like that.

anyway, amazing race is amazing. rob and his partner actually came in 1st, they are really made up of survivor stuff.... this season is going to be exciting.

NE seminar

went for NE seminar for two days. anyway, think there was some problems brewing in school, think i'm gonna kena when i go back to school. anyway, who cares.

politically speaking, i've gained insights to some NE issues, logically speaking, it's damn boring

i'm going to Australia

so happy, went to NATAS fair today, booked to go australia in June. whole family is going, 4 of us, this time mabel comes along. and check this out, i'm going for 2 weeks. yes 14 days! 2 long weeks.

and we are only going to stay at Perth for 2N, then the rest of the 11 days, we are going to drive down... yah, farmstay. lovely....
i'll be counting down.....

sunday, last day of the school hols

ok, going to suntec later, not so much of the natas fair, but more of the study in aust exhibition. will be looking at some schools for my children. sorry, sg education system is good, i've no qualms, but there is a price to pay. children have no childhood. i want them to enjoy the sun, moon, sea, beach and fun, not juz study and study

tmr and tues will be having full day seminar, so won't be going to school, kind of like extending my school hols a little, no monday blues.... maybe wed blues....

gtg, all have changed except me

M&M are sick

they are both sick, fever, coughing and running nose. been quite tired these few nights looking after them. sponging them at nite and carrying marcus when he cries at nite. omg, wat a holiday!

so fast, mid week liao

ok, let's see.

on fri evening, took a coach bus to KL. well, didn't really shop there, it was more of a relaxing and sleeping vacation for me. i was so tired. on fri nite when i reached KL, went clubbing already. wow, the transvestite very chio. actually only 1 lah, the rest, average. partied till 3 am.

the next day, juz went shopping, bought 2 pillows for M&M. i actually wanted to buy a wig. since i have long hair, wanted to buy a short hair wig, highlighted red. but i didn't know that wig is so expensive, RM 199, some RM 220 or RM 330. and u have to take care of your wig, cannot anyhow leave it in the cupboard, u need to wash the wig, treat it like a real hair. didn't dare to try also, cos the sign says "trying, RM 5" wow! but it would be intersting to keep wigs as a hobby.

that nite didn't go partying, cos it was so darn hot and humid. stayed in the hotel lobby's lounge where there is cooling air con.

came back on sunday. then on monday, early in the morning, brought students to Batam. it was fun, students were well behaved, the only thing was travelling. easily, one journey can take up to 30 or 45 mins. if u want to go further, 1 hr plus. so i really appreaciate the transport network in singapore, no complaints.

i am quite tanned by the hot weather. it was very very very hot. i think singapore is the same.

yeah

well, i'm definitely looking forward to the break. although still got a lot of work to do, but it's a BREAK FROM SEEING THE STUDENTS!

i echo someone's sentiment, work is never ending.... that's very sad.
also someone said i'm very pessismistic. i think that is my nature, but over the years, i've learnt to suppress, becos people say u must be positive. as for me, i'll be optimistic for the world to see, but for my blog, let it be a place where i can express my inner thoughts.

driven to desperation

guess the common topic now is the news on the tampines family. well, many have been said about them. why must he do it? the children are innocent... there are other ways out, why must he do it?

i do agree with what people say, but i have no comments on what he has done... this is his choice, he has chosen this path, although this path is not totally agreeable, but this is his choice, i respect his decision. as to whether he has done the right thing or not, we humans are not in the position to judge. Only the highest in watever religion, be it Christianity, Buddhism, Muslim etc can judge the human's err.

my concern is, what are the circumstances that drove him to such desperation? i mean we may never know the truth since all of them died. but if such circumstances can drive a man to such desperation, it can happen to any one of us. i think it's sad... very sad that the world has evolved to such a state.

people are used to working hard, saving up the money to buy the things they wanted. but now with such easy credit, people is now used to buy first and pay later. this is a very dangerous habit. the credit juz kept rolling and rolling and before you know it, you could not even pay the minimum amount and the banks start calling and chasing, driving a person to desperation.
pace of life wasn't so hectic in the past, everyone could keep his job. now with global competition, outsourcing and etc etc, if u dun keep up with your work, you are 'deleted'. so people feel the pressure to look hardworking at work, to be accustomed to be squeezed out of their energy, morale for work. the employers juz kept pushing and pushing. the workers juz keep going and going, if u fall out, you are left behind. u have to catch up. it's like you work so damn hard but you are not making enough money for your family. ALL THESE ARE MAKING PEOPLE LOSE HOPE IN LIVING!

maybe he was not so lucky to have friends and relatives to support him (mentally, morally) that was perhaps why he chose this path, to end it all. honestly, i dun think friends or relatives can support financially, but their moral support is important.

juz to end off, that's why i think LIFE SUCKS! you work so damn hard, but you look at your family commitments, you cannot quit your job becos if you do, u may not have the money to pay the loans, the children's education and so on. so u stick to your job for the sake of financial security. so there you go, get stuck in a routine, day in, day out, no life, no happiness. juz like the guy, what's the use of living? but you got to continue to live because you know that it's morally wrong to commit suicide, you know that there are people out there who care for you, so u got to learn to be strong and adapt. but not realising that you have reached your saturation point, so one incident can cause a person to snap!

for students, you think school sucks? wait till you come to the society. you can never graduate from society, but you can graduate from school, so what the heck you are complaining about?

it's 650 and i'm still in school

well, it's 650 in the evening. well, i'm in school since 630 this morning. so that means 12 hrs and 20 mins. well, many colleagues are still in school.

exhausted, mentally... pushing myself. have not eaten since morning, juz 1 chocolate and 1 biscuit, 2 mini spring rolls, 1 mini samosa, 2 pieces of triangular shaped bread. and today is monday only.

well, i dun mind if it's worth putting in so much effort. now the issue is 'is it worth it or not?'
i think i'm losing my children. they are not as close to me as i would like them to be. it was like at home, i'm still doing my work while they play. what hurts me most is mabel. She no longer comes to look for mummy when she falls down, when she wakes up, she also doesn't request me to be there for her. i think it's very sad.

i want to improve my relationship with my kids first. i'm sorry. children and students.... of course my own children comes first. if i'm not there for them at this time of their childhood, i'll never be there for them. and we last a life time wif our children.

tell me what is on their mind

what's wrong with some of the students? i really dun understand their behaviour in class. if they are so disinterested in studying, then pls drop out. u r not only wasting your time, but other people's time as well. u are an obstacle in class!

they say our students carry wif them a lot of burden. they bring their burden to school, we are supposed to understand them. Then wat about the teachers? we do have our burden and problems from home, but we are supposed to be more understanding towards them and accomodate them. then who is understands and accomodate the teachers?

the teachers can do so much to make the lesson interesting. students should not expect to teachers to do all the things, make them like the lesson, etc. wat about yourselves? dun u think u r supposed to make the teachers want to teach you? don't u think u r supposed to make the teachers enjoy teaching too? some of your attitudes, honestly, sucks.

if i have the power, i would have zap these students away and the remaining students and teachers will be happy. dun make life miserable for people juz becos your life is miserable!!!
GAL (Get A Life)

it's 12 something and i'm marking the papers....

this is so pathetic, it's a sat nite and it's 12 something am, and i still have loads of papers to mark. think this is pathetic, think i'm pathetic also not to get myself out of this job....

tmr still got work to do and it's the weekend. i dunno, i've taken the stand that work is work, work should not be brought home to do, cos work is never ending... but it cannot be done. i think i get frustrated when i'm obliged to do something that i don't like to do.

WORK IS PATHETIC AND IT MAKES THE WORKER PATHETIC TOO!

what can i say?

nothing, as long as i'm still at my work place... there is nothing to say. now waiting to go home and see marcus and mabel.

poor mabel, fell down yesterday and got a cut on her forehead, so ugly already lah....then she keeps scratching herself, got to tell her to stop scratching. last nite slept wif her, she was like sitting up and trying to scratch her back, see she so poor thing, so this mummy offered to scratch her back for her ( i didn't scratch, i juz gently rub the skin to ease her of the itchness) haha, this mummy, scratch until she fell asleep. poor thing, she must be thinking why this mummy do things so half hearted one...

poor mabel, really gave her a good hug. oh yah, now and then, i keep checking my own hands for signs of chicken pox, juz in case to be on the safe side.

chicken pox

mabel has got the chicken pox... think marcus will get it soon
dunno whether i will get it or not.....

Don't try this at home

ok, on the advice of friends.

the author of this blog will not be held responsible in event of similar experiences and events that may occur due to the contents of this blog.

readers of this blog are to read at their own discretion.

so for the young ones out there (basically referring to those 21 and below), read at your own discretion and think with your brains. this blog is not to be for simulation or emulation. the author will not be held responsible for any incidents that happen to you. Please don't say... "i'm doing all these i'm doing, becos i read from this blog and it seems that it's ok to do it."

I'll kill you if u say that to your parents!
serious!

actually i feel like crying... but no tears

everyday like a walking zombie

know what is the feeling of zombie? it could be a body without any life. it could be a spirit trapped in a body. whatever it is, i think a zombie is one who seems to be alive, but is not, cos it's like walking around, lifeless, doing things being asked to do....

this is exactly how i feel now. i no longer find the joy of doing the things i used to love to do...it's sad, i'm juz passing the minutes by. seems alive, but dead inside, heart is dead.

anyway, this zombie is going partying tomorrow nite at NB. Let the loud music blast the life out of me.

misconception of teacher

today blasted at a friend... not intentional.

please get these out your head:

1) teachers only work from 7am to 12 noon, it's a half day work
2) teachers' job is very secure, metal rice bowl
3) teachers have 1+4+1+6= 12 weeks of school holidays

let me get this straight:

1) we have to be at the morning assembly at 7.15am. the last lesson ends at 2.10pm. remedials start at 2.30 and ends at 3.30pm. if you have meetings or trainings, for our school, it starts at 4pm and can end at 6.30pm. more important people talk longer, so sometimes their meetings end at 7 plus. that goes to say that we work roughly 12 hours a day.

2) when we get home, we put in another at least 1 hour of marking, 1 hour of lesson preparation. sometimes we try to finish all the lesson preparation for the week, that takes up close to 4 hours of my weekend. if i start late on a sunday nite, that means i only get to sleep at 2 or 3 am and have to wake up at 5.30am the next morning.

3) no doubt, the rice bowl is quite stable... but the effort put in is not small either.
a) you have to be counsellor to your students, parents and sometimes to fellow colleagues.
b) if you are the I/C of any school event, u need to hold rehearsals and much planning is put into such events.
c) meetings
d) attend Learning Circles (something like a WITs group)
e) go for at least 70 hours of training per year
f) give at least 3 suggestions per year
g) mark books
h) set paper
i) do form class administrative work
j) appraisal (self appraisal, work appraisal and School appraisal)
k) CCA
l) do duties for the various school events
m) maintain a staff portfolio
n) lesson observation once
o) prepare lesson
p) teach
q) carry out Project Work where u are doing all the planning for your students
r) adapt to and carry out new initiatives being rolled out.

4) school holidays, no doubt it's the holidays but the 1 week of holiday are usually burnt, because it's a good time to catch up on your paper work. the 4 weeks holidays in june, 2 weeks are gone, because the 1st week is remedials/extra lesson and book checking and work review. the last week must come back for meeting. then the 6 weeks holiday, if there is school event like Open House which is usually in the holidays, then it's burnt as well. the last week after christmas, it's for meetings and workshops.

so if any of your friends still think that teachers' job is very easy, ask them to join the teaching profession. WE WELCOME THEM WITH OPEN ARMS!!!!!!!

I'm OK

actually after blogging yesterday, i felt much better. it's felt good to blog it out.

thank you for all the kind words to those who offer advice. appreciated that!

talking about it?

i have doubts, i'm sorry, but i'm practical, if talking about my problems doesn't solve or change the situation, then i'll choose not to talk about it. no point, waste of time also, as such, time is running out for me, so why waste time talking over something where i can't change the situation?

unless the talk will bring about changes, like possibility of changing of environment, changing of jobs... i dun mind talking about it. if not, i'll prefer to keep it to myself, no point burdening another person with my silly problems. other people have their own problems to take care of.

there is no need to talk about it. 'i dun wanna talk about it'

how to spice up my life?

been very negative lately, so much so that there were a few times i have suicidal thoughts. got to push it out of my head quickly, quite scary. The last time i had this kind of feeling was when i'm in secondary school. 14 years old to be more precise. but when i was younger, the thought was not so scary, it is scary now cos despite the commitments i have (family, friends and work) and i still have this kind of thought, something is wrong with me.

they say that psychatrists (god, how to spell that word?) earns a lot from treating teachers. woodbridge hospital also have a lot of cases of teachers being admitted... hmmm, time for me to book my lodging with woodbridge hospital? maybe.

the only joy i have now is watching my kids... that day i juz watched marcus. he's a happy boy. he tries to be happy, i wish i can learn from him. he's crazy in his own way, looking under the car, dancing suddenly... sudden outburst of his expressions like this. asked him once what was that for, he told me, 'i'm happy!' think the school, his teacher is doing a good job of keeping the children happy. so for him and mabel, i will be happy for them. i'm sad becos i'm not spending enough time with them... until now they prefers the maid to do things for them. they dun need mummy to wash up for them, no need mummy to change clothes for them. it's sad... but one thing, they need mummy to play xbox games with them... haha. and also mummy to tuck them in bed. even tho sometimes it's very squeezy for 4 people on a queen size bed, i dun mind, cos nobody can be that close to them, except the parents.

when i watched the two of them... they are so carefree. enjoy school, when they are hungry, they eat, so much things to keep themselves entertained. marcus is busy with playing his trains and train sets, he can be at it for hours.... mabel is happy eating her titbits, biscuits, sweets, never stops eating.

quality of life.... that is something i've been teaching the students lately. you can have a high standard of living, with all the things u want, but u may not be satisfied with your life. you may have a low standard of living, but u may be satisfied with the simple things you have. like if i'm stranded on an island with little inhabitants, every day, i'll have to hunt for food, be it fruits in the jungle or fishes in the ocean. no washing machine... no electricity... gathering firewood... mayb the change is too drastic, i may not survive, i dunno, but think it's a good change of environment.

yah yah, i've heard all those advices... work is never ending, relax, destress.... i know... relax and destress, it's only for that moment, i feel ok, but after that, it's back to reality again. then the stress and depression got worse. that is where i'm confused. i know work is never ending, so take one day at a time... i know i can destress for a while. the destress part is supposed to refresh u and recharge u... so that u can head back to work with renewed energy. but the destress for me is not working for me, i get more depressed after my destress. so how? i can't keep on working and not relax, but i dun want to relax becos i get more depressed after that... so have i come to a cross junction where i have to make major decisions? to quit or not to quit....arrgh, i hate living.

god, this is a long posting... sorry... juz want to track down my inner most feelings and thoughts. i dunno if this is my inner most feelings or not. cos i really dun have the time to probe myself further. i'm suppose to be printing out worksheets and doing lesson preparation, and i'm 45 mins behind my schedule. ARRGH! LIFE AND WORK SUX!

boring life

the week has been exciting with the two totos.... gives a chance to dream. Dreams are good.... lets u escape from your reality for a while.

there is nothing more i want to say... not here...

tuesday

finally, one day down, 4 more days to go. things will get better each day.

valentine's day was yesterday, omg, dinner time, everywhere is so crowded and expensive. mostly young couples, makes us feel very old. u can see them holding hands, hugging, snuggling up to each other...

went to uncle roland's place at elias. his son gave us special discount, yeah! also realised that tv is very distracting. if u need to communicate to someone sincerely, switch off that tv. last nite, we had a seat near the pool table, both of us were like talking so much to each other, no end to the conversation. but once there was a table available, we happen to sit near the tv, both of us are like glued to the tv like that, find it hard to find a topic for conversation.

some of our friends commented that we have so much to say to each other. it's like we have never ending story to tell each other despite so many years (known him for 11 years) together.

can't bear the thought of next week

i juz want to say, i'm really on the verge of quitting last week. will continue to hold on for as long as i can....

that's all i want to say.

cny holidays are over

finally, the cny came and go. i mean the official two public holidays. it's been a tiring one these two days, it's not like it's really like two days of holidays. the things that i brought home to do, i've not touch a single one of them.

i dun dare to think of next week. busy, crazy week with lots of things to do. siao!

seriously thinking of quitting. i remember i got this feeling many years ago, when i was first working as an accounts assistant for a company. i hate those feeling that i have to dread myself to work every morning. after two months or so of this kind of feeling, i quitted the job. well, this is the second month, i'm feeling this way.... i dunno how long i can carry on, dragging myself to work! i hate work! it's getting very unpleasurable with so many stupid ideas implemented. i can't catch up wif it and i can feel myself stretched in at least 16 parts. crazy! then everything must record down, conduct remedials must record, do an IT lesson must record, even call up parents also must record, siao!

arrgh, irks me when i talk about my work. stupid....

reunion dinner started already

today is only sunday, but i suddenly, impromptuly, asked my mum, grandma and aunties to my house for steamboat.

tmr nite, the actual reunion dinner at grandma's house wif my mum side of family, then on cny eve, renuion dinner wif my hubby's side of family. then eating eating all the way until sat nite. almost every nite, someone is giving a treat.

that is cny

clubbing

went to dbl o, then mdm wong on fri nite. dbl o is nice, quite nice music too, dance floor, the ceiling is high, not intimidating, except no place to sit only, i'm fine wif that, dun understand why my frens like to find a place to sit down. that's y someone suggested mdm wong. ok, we went over, yah, manage to find a place to sit, but the music is not that great, so in the end, we ended up at music underground.

still my fav clubbing place. i dun mind not having a place to sit down, the main thing is to dance, and if the music sux, then it's not fun. luv the music they played at music underground. went home late, 4am...

then the next day, again whole body aching. next time before dancing, must do some warm up exercises first. haha

those drifting feelings again

at some point of your life, u juz got this feeling that life is meaningless. we are juz repeating our daily routines over and over again. juz like drifters, drifting our lives away.

must be the pre-cny blues....

Marcus is soooooooo ...

sorry, i need to write about my children. myself, no updates, like that, back to my old self again, drifters drifting our lives away. sianzzzzzzz

marcus had bought some trains and train set on sat. but on monday, think he needed to buy another train set to add to his collection, so since monday, he has been harping on buying another train set, juz like an old man, harping on it non-stop. can even ask the daddy to go and fetch mummy so that they could all go shopping centres together. thought of so many excuses.

so last nite when i reached home, he came to me and was so nice to me suddenly. anyway, brought him to the compass point. on the way, he was like giving directions to go to the shopping centre.

when we reached kiddy palace at compass point, he started to look for the set he wants to buy. at first, i thought he wanted to buy trains to add to his collection, but no, he wanted to buy the tracks to add to his collection. it was like $89.95, on offer somemore. i told him, marcus, give me 10 good reasons why i should buy this for you, it's not your birthday.

he goes to show me the tracks, there is a train inside, altho he didn't come out with 10 good reasons, but he was convincing. his last two words, 'i like', power! well, some may think that i'm spoiling him, but i think he has waited long enuf (2 days) for this. and he was really quite convincing in persuading me. that bought my heart.

then of course, not to neglect mabel, she also bought a train, so all in all, total $119.90. heartache, a little. but worth it to see the smiles on their faces and their appreciation.

of course i warned marcus that this is the last toy i'm going to buy for him. no more. he has already spent almost $200 on trains and train sets in a span of 4 days. such an expensive hobby he has.