Had been feeling the blues. Mmm, not updated batam trip, will find time to upload photos.

Now is work, work, work.


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Saw this quote in nora's blog, I really like it. Nora is my ex student.

“You can never open up fully to someone you're just dating. It takes a special bond between people in order to feel comfortable showing them your vulnerabilities and flaws."
adapted from hj.




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Ok, I confess I'm a brand idiot. That day at IT show, part of the freebies was a crumpler bag, I thought what sort of bag is a crumpler bag? I thought that it is a bag that can be crumpled or extend, that's why it's call crumpler bag.

When we reach home, Lao gong showed me the logo, then I realized that crumpler is a brand, how stupid can I get? Then as I walked to hdb office juz now, I saw so many crumpler logo to remind me of my stupidity.


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Wa lj, nbcb, early in the morning made me point 4th finger. Not third, ok, I juz realize motorist who show 3rd finger is an offence, so I'll show 4th finger and better still the whole hand.

Went to buy season parking, parked at century sq as I wanted to go uob ATM as well, so those who drive will know, drive in, tampines mall, 3 lanes, left lane taken by taxi, right lane always got cars and taxi as passenger alighting, mrt. Then there is this traffic light, pedestrain crossing.

1 Subaru was in front of me, we kept centre lane, green light, nb, stop in front of the light and pit keep right signal. Nb no. 1 if u want alight passenger, then keep right lane, now right lane plenty of cars and taxi, nobody is giving way to Subaru, then left lane got taxi queueing, then nb again, I'm stuck behind u. WT....

I was a little impatient, horn, no reaction, horn again, passenger sitting behind wanted to alight at the middle lane, stupid. Horn again.

Finally it moved forward a bit and shift to right lane. Ya lah, let the passenger walk a bit, can die huh? Nb, ur convenience at my inconvenience. Stupid selfish driver.


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being in the school at night can be interestingly, if not eeriely pleasant. what a contrast, eeriely pleasant.

it is eerie, yes, but the silence is a pleasant to the ears, as compared to the day time. so at the parade square, u looked up to the sky. u watched the stars.

it's quite fun, if not for the running here and there. and the responsibility gets heavier at night.

Farmart

Brought the kids to farmart in the morning.

When we reach, they seemed to be disappointed with the run down place, well, told them they have to experience some less modernized place.

Next, encountered some problems with breakfast, seems like what they want to eat is not available, so told them we sometimes have to make do with the limited resources. Ch had Nasi lemak, eggs, fishcake, I had mee Soto and Lao gong had mee Siam which was oily





Fish spa, tried the fish spa, so ticklish! But it was fun.



Stop for some snacks.



Otah




The kids have a fun time feeding the animals.











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Went IT show today, was there before the door open, didn't realize that it was open at 12 noon.

So we bought a travel cooker, this is accidental. Thought that it was compact and many free gifts, and since there is a need for it, aiya buy lor.

Bought canon eos 550d for Lao gong as his b day present. Lao gong also bought a power shot camera for Marcus as the one he is using is spoilt, thanks to max.

Contemplating whether to buy MacBook, decided to do that online, since with educator'd discount, I can get it cheaper.

It is very tiring, now I juz want to go back and rest.


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Steff said that Isaac looked like Max when Max was younger. mmmm, ok, i managed to find some one month old max pictures, so Ser, Gor Yee, do u think they look alike? maybe little babies all look alike in the confinement month.




His frowns are exactly like mine.


His smile is so cute.


Yeah, he has a little jaundice. i still remember during my confinement month, it was world cup 2006. so while i fed him at night, i could hear people cheering when there was a goal. and it was as if Max raised his hand to cheer too.

time passes so fast, he's already 4 years old now, and so talkative and funny. so different.

忽然间觉得很害怕，怕面临抉择的时候，其实也不是第一次，人类只总不喜欢做决定。
唉，反正时间未到, 那就老一句 live life to fullest。

只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着，要怎么停呢？

有没有口罩给我，释怀说多了就成真不了。

没有地球太阳还是会绕。

我知道你我都没有错，只是忘了怎么退后。

伤心原来没有时差。

以上都是些歌词，无须放心上。



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1) sometimes I feel that 如果百病缠身也不是办法，死或许是种解脱吧！

2) the 3rd party in jack neo's affair. Didn't I say she was the loser in the end? Nobody will sympathize u, some may even say u 活该.

So, rules are there for u to abide with if u want to continue to play the game, once u decide to break the rules, u are out if the game. 玩完.

It's not that u do not know he us married, u are fully aware. Unless the man intentionally hide from u. But u know very clearly from the start he is married, why u so foolish? So now pls dun tell the reporter that u are the loser, u had it coming.


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Didn't realize yesterday is 3 mar, women international day.

Well, after years of fighting for equality, of course I appreciate the freedom that women enjoyed now. Without these women fighting for equal rights, we may never be able to come out to work etc.

However all these of course also come with a price. Besides working, we also need to balance family life. That's why it's hard for working women and that's why u still have so many women quitting their job after they gave birth. So more rights came with a price.

Also I believe we can never ever be equal with men. I juz learnt that women have 1 more bone. Our biological composition is way different, one is fm Venus, one is fm mars. Men think with their 'head', women think with their hearts, men can have many mistresses, women can't really have that much partners. Women age faster than men. Old men goes with young woman, quite acceptable, old woman go with young men, not acceptable. Well the lists goes on and on.

So penny for thoughts, women international day.


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Was juz reading jack neo's affair.

1) wat was the gal thinking about? That he would leave the family for her? That he truly love her? Oh please, how naive. That by confronting him and his wife, he will divorce his wife?

2) I'm not mocking or sympathizing with anyone. In this game of affair, the gal is the loser for putting in her real feelings. Now, the guy and wife will still remain together and the gal? Left alone, hurt. She is too young, she doesn't know the rules of the game. If she had played by the rules, then maybe she would not have been hurt.

Well at least she is still young, she is still able to find a true love. Let this be a lesson she learnt, yes, it's painful, but gal, life still goes on. Go find someone truly worthy of your love.



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Ok, after analysis of my hong mo, it's due to
1) weather
2) steam bath

I really should not steam bath the other day. It forces the toxin out from my body.

Anyway, 'test water' with 2 glasses of beer last nite, so far so good.


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yeah, tickets to australia are booked.

next, promise the children that tonight we will order pizza hut for dinner. they are certainly excited about it. i'll go online to see what to order later.

excited because it's the end of the week, but then again, so many things to do and prepare, next week is a terrible week. but first, let me enjoy my friday first.

ok, i shall not let other things affect my still good mood today.

oh yah, i wanted to blog about how sleepy i was last night from all the surfing of Blue mountain's accomodation, i was nodding away in front of my computer. so that was when i know it's time for me to go to sleep.

~ The magic of moments ~

~ The magic of moments ~

i like this one too. imagine cooking for your loved ones and having a nice slow lunch outside. mmmmm

Blue Mountains Cottage Holiday Accommodation Avarest and Aventine delightful self contained houses

Blue Mountains Cottage Holiday Accommodation Avarest and Aventine delightful self contained houses

this is not bad either, though more modern

Blue Mountains Accommodation: Welcome to the Straw Bale House

Blue Mountains Accommodation: Welcome to the Straw Bale House

look at this beautiful cottage

Just finished planning itinerary for sydney, i'm tired out. hope everything turns out well... ha, still got 3 months to june. now looking at accomodation at Blue Mountains.

planning for holiday can be fun. planning a holiday for about 9-10 people can be equally fun. Haha.

i'm so tired this morning that i don't feel like waking up. this morning, when my alarm clock rang, i thought it was my hubby's alarm. and i was wondering why he didn't wake up (he usually wakes up at 430am). so the alarm continued for 1 minute, then getting a little annoyed, i stretched out my hand to tap him to ask him to wake up, only to realise that i'm tapping his bolster!!!! haha, all along, it was my alarm that was ringing and it's 545am. how stupid can i get?

max woke up early today again, i was like brushing my teeth when he suddenly opened the toilet door.

this morning, max woke up very early, in face, before my alarm rings, he was tossing in bed. so needless to say, when i woke up to brush teeth, he woke up too. he peed, then he sat in the toilet to watch me brush teeth. when i choose my clothes, he sat on the bed. he helped me to open my drawer for me to take my, uh mmm, undergarments. after changing, he again went into the toilet with me to watch me put on my make up, make my hair, then he waited for me to put on my accessories, then we went down.

He is so sweet. he said goodbye to us and hugged us before we left the house.

mabel looked tired this morning, i've told her about her choice of so many enrichment after school, monday, dunno wat, wed, think tank prog, tues, also dismiss late, then on friday, malay conversational programme. so i've reminded her that it was her choice, so she must be mentally prepared, and on top of all this, there is homework to be done, so she should not blame anyone or get angry over school work.

marcus has been doing his homework lately, thanks to his sister, who always asked his classmate whether the class has homework for the day. i mean, mabel is helpful, but sometimes, she thinks too much and worries too much and takes on too much. she should learn to let go, otherwise next time when she grows up, she will be the one who is suffering.

Hubby comain back ache, gAve him a good back massage. Children are all playing downstairs. Air con is switched on, very hot weather.

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I *ing hate this job!


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Quick update before I start a busy week, last night I didn't eat the seafood, last night no alcohol. Was ok when went to sleep. Immediately when I woke up, hong mo on arms, neck and leg starting to appear again. Ate the medicine, wearing ling sleeve and long pants to work.



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Wah, brought the kids to dairy farm, the newly opened education centre, but it was not open. So disappointed, walked all the way in to find it close. They should at least have a signboard at the carpark to tell people of the opening and closing hours. Nevertheless, rook some pics.

This is a big spider in its spider web.











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just made a quick video showing some pics of grandma's funeral to the tune of one her favourite hymn. actually i prefer the hymn which was played when we followed behind the van, but could not find it, so settle for second best.

Mabel has been so disappointing. Her virtue of sensibility and not letting us worried has become her greatest weakness and shame.

She is a quiet, scheming, make use of people, cheater. I shall not elaborate on the incident.

As usual, I always reflect. Her daddy has always been a honest person, maybe she takes after me, do I cheat people? Do I make use of people? Maybe in some point of my life, I did. Whatever mabel has done in fact really reflects badly on her parents, it's Like we never teach her well.

I feel disappointed with her and feel so hurt. More painful than losing a loved one. I've asked her to reflect on her own actions. I juz stop short of smacking her. Regret to bring her to this world to make her suffer all these, but she has to learn.

I'm done for today, totally lost mood. We'll be visiting grandma again, 2nd march. Grandma, can u take me with u?


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Warning, the pics below may cause some disturbance. Viewer discretion, best not to see right after food. Owner shall NOT take any responsibility for any heart pain or discomfort caused.

Ok so the hong mo came back, yet again last night. But it was not itchy. Juz applied some rice wine on my body. See if it works.

So are u happy to see me like that now? I derserve it, right, u must be thinking.










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Wah, this morning go ntuc food court at simei mrt, the Lady selling the Dian xin sucks! dun make me angry, otherwise the Chou ah Lian in me appear.

It's Like we owe her like that, she was making things so dunno to say order or not, then she said in a rude voice in mandarin, ' wat u want order, say lah.' wah throughout the whole process she was very rude. I also buay tahan, this kind of person, no need to be kind also.

This is another incident which I feel it doesn't pay to be kind. I really wanted to retaliate back at auntie, ' auntie, buay song mai zo kang. Mai pek ceik.Zar mey ang bo ka ler sio kan huh? Ang Mai sio kan, chue pak eh da bo sio kan lah, nb. Mm si wa Mai kan ler, Mai chue wa si, chue ler ang si, wo ka ler buay mi Kia ba lu.'

Wah, hokkien very hard to pinyin.


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Hong mo appeared again. Say this is jiu mi, not hong mo, might as well take a knife and stab mre, less painful. Tmr I buy red wine, test again.


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Juz came back fm doc. In another 2 mins, my alarm us going to ring.

After hubby woke up, told him abt doc, suggest that I go 24 hr clinic which I'ce googled whe I can't sleep. Manage to find one at tampines, so at 5am, went to see doc. Couldn't bear the itch.

Upon seeing my condition, immediately gave a jab, which would be drowsy, so after paying,quickly drive home before it kicks in. Actually as I'm writing this blog, I can feel it slowly kick in.

So here i am, feeling much better after the jab, no longer itch and feeling tired and drowsy.

Nite every one.

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Long time never have hong mo, this time round, very bad case. Started ard midnight, neck. Thought was mosquito bite, went to toilet, damn, red rashes. Nvm, tolerate, dun scratch. Couldn't sleep, can feel more and more popping out.

Then the whole arm, inner thigh. Juz went toilet to check, my whole body, including my backside and ears are also covered with rashes.

Looks gross, in some areas, it merged into one big lump, I would have taken a pic to put in the blog, but ha, dun think so.

The itch is killing me, cannot scratch as it seems to get worse if I scratch. Very torturous.

Hope it gets better in another 2 hours time, but then i didn't get any sleep! the minute I feel sleepy, some parts of my body will be itchy. as I glide my hands over my body, I can feel the bumps of the rashes, goose pimple. My neck looks swollen, my arms looks swollen.

Really, tolerating itch is mire torturous than tolerating pain. But then again, certain pain like appendicts or toothache is rather unbearable.

Another hour to go before hubby wakes up, will tell him when he wakes up.


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what i told grandma

that day when i visited grandma, i told her this:

'ah ma, i'm sorry i was not able to go back to God, because i was not ready. on one hand i'm sorry to you and Him but on the other hand, i do not want to go back to God just for the sake of a promise to you. i want to be really prepared and sincere if i were to go back to God.

ah ma, maybe the day when i walked into a church to attend the service will be the day when i know that all the hypocrisy that i've seen is gone. the day i walked into a church will be the day i know i can be a good testimony to God. for each day that i can't reconcile what i've saw, each day that i can't reconcile that i'm not a hypocrite Christian myself, i will not go back to Him.

so ah ma, once again, sorry. (each time i visit her, i'll say sorry to her in my heart) i love u and of course do not want to disappoint u, but that doesn't mean that i should just go back to God for the sake of you. In the meantime, ah mah, pls continue to watch over your children. They need you more than your grandchildren do.

everytime i go visit you, i saw the young man lying beside you, sometimes i envied him.

love you always, grandma, from San.'

Today I was very inspired by the show, a 80 year old woman, despite her age, still going so strong, still remaining cheerful despite her adversity.

I really wish I have her courage, her power to face adversity. Really, I have no regrets living for 35 years. If I were to die tomorrow, I have no regrets, I've lived my life, my ch ate healthy as of now, I have a house, a job, I dun have to worry abt tmr.
Wat more can I ask? I should be asking, wat more can I give or do for the unfortunate?

As I keep saying, life is short, live your life to the fullest. Be happy, life has been good to me. Be positive Ans stay cheerful.

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Took some pics of max helping to clean grandma 's grave the other day. He is such a good boy.










And of course Mabel helped out too



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I also bought these other flowers for my two vases.








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These are the sunflowers I bought yesterday. Buying them makes me very happy, dunno why.


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next time pls dun cook. once start cooking, problems start again, the scolding come back again. keep the food in the fridge too long also scold, throw the food away also scold. all these would not have happened, if we didn't cook dinner.

sianz, i feel like moving out.

Must be PMS, one min I'm happy, another min, I'm sad. But i guess it's ok, I asked for it, only blame myself. It'd ok, Life is short, live life to fullest.


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Today, I feel good becos I bought flowers, sunflowers. I must be flowing with happiness becos people give me the look, like I siow char bo like that. Ha, a bit bongus already.

Life is short, live life to fullest.
开心就好


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Max is very cute. He counts his own ang pow money, when I put it all together, he calls it fat fat money.

He says there are 2 dollars, 10 dollars, then he says when we are all not at home, he's going to use his fat fat money to but bubble tea. When I asked him to share his money with me, he said no. After much persuasion, he said he's give me 2 dollars, and he takes 10 dollars, so smart hor.

He's very cute. Marcus also talk about how he is going to use his money, One look at my expression, he said joking lah,

And it's very funny, all 3 of them took the same number of ang pow, but the 3 amount doesn't tally?? All 3 of them got different amount.

Children are the happiest when it comes to taking ang pow.


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Today during lesson, saw a cockroach crawling towards my bag and pencil box. Actually, it's not I spotted the cockroach, it was the students. U can imagine my horrid expression, I juz want to get far away fm the cockroach. As I moved away, I instructed students to take the paper to crush the cockroach, of course after crushing the cockroach, he took it to scare me.

So now the whole class know that mrs tan is scared of cockroach. Darn.


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Long holidays over, back to work, back to busy busy busy.

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Kao, I hate to update software. Already tried 2 times, unsuccessful, say timed out. Now trying for 3rd time. After downloading, still got to update the phone, wonder wat time I'll finish.


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Pardon me for my last post, I juz deleted it. Let me do a proper one, it's new year, happy new year, blessed new year, 身体健康，心想事成，万事如意，事事顺利。

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Visiting grandma

Today, brought Mabel and max to the cemetry to visit grandma. Every time I visit grandma, I felt a bit sad.

Cleaned the grave, placed the sunflowers, not much grass to cut.

On the long journey home, I would think of many things. San is originated from grandma, she always call me San. San was also the last word she said, something which I will carry, till the day I die. So it's rather affectionate when someone else call me San, provided the person is close to me.

I also thought abt life and death.
Not that I'm afraid of death, juz afraid that I have not live life to fullest before I die. so I start thinking how to live life to fullest, someone asked me this question before, but until now I dun have the full answer.

I only know that sometimes we must slow down to enjoy the sun, the rain, the clouds, the stars, the moon. Sometimes we must remain happy and positive, sometimes we must forgive and forget. 平常心去对待事物. And juz do it.

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Yesterday, went to east coast's tuwandang for dinner and some drinks. It's another microbrewery, this is a thai-German restaurant. Its first store in sg is at dempsy, still is.

I quite like the ambience, there were some nice comfy seating. The food was nice, more authentic Thai food. There are some food menu that are suitable to order for ch.

I do not know why hungry go where gave its service 3.5, I would give it higher.

Colleague Eunice was like aiya, we should have asked serene along. Next time, we will ask her. For me, it was more of mm, one more beer drinking place, so will sure jio Kelvin and family one day.

Heard last night, our next destination will be brewerkz kallang.


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i hate tuesdays!!!!

Enjoy watching hubby and max playing together and laughing.

Women are really troublesome, fm head to toe, need to look after. Need to look after hair, face, nails, body, inside clothes, outside clothes, shoes etc, never ending.

If there is next life, I want to be a man.

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i've put on what i've lost in january. so stress these few days, no incentive to lose weight. heck cares, who cares, heaven cares? god cares? i care? he cares? she cares? they care? i dun care anymore.

17 years ago, on 6 feb, hubby held my hands for the first time and that is how we started to park tor.

Started with friends teasing, then when he sent me home, he held my hands.

So last night was 6 feb, so we went out for a while. Good to relieve some of the memories.

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Angry and tired today. why is it that most of the things have to wait for me them can do? wait for mummy to come home then ask abt homework, then ask mummy to give spelling? Ny the time I finish my work last night, it's already 10 pm, dun blame her for doing things last minute.

I'm so damn tired, feels like letting go. Really letting go.

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i dunno how i sleep. my left hand's 3rd finger feels like i've sprained it like that, cannot show middle finger...

pain sia, cannot lift up.... but how did i sprain it while i was sleeping?
now typing also a bit pain, cannot type as fast and letter 'e' is the most commonly used alphabet....darn...

a quickie before i become busy...;)

hmmm, marcus and mabel forgot to blog, gave them a topic to blog about. today marcus is going for a learning journey, last night at 10pm then he told me, mummy, there is no sandwich. i was like, marcus, u should have told me earlier so that i could buy it, he is so last minute. anyway, told him to pack his own stuff for learning journey, as for sandwiches, sorry, no food for you. you are hungry, u go and find your own food.

as for mabel, think she is playing badminton during recess, she has been bringing the racket to school these few days.

my darling max, poor thing, he has been waking up these 2 mornings, cried when he noticed nobody around him in the room. 'mummy! mummy!' went to the room, hug him and carried him down. he was a little reluctant to let us to go school, you know, that pouty, poor thing face? we all gave him a hug and a kiss. break my heart to go to work like that.

today woke up with a slightly heavy heart. dunno why, like something is going to happen. i dun want to dwell so much on this.

anyway, plenty work to complete today, stay focus. work, work, work.

before i publish this post, just feel that this post sounds depressing, sorry, maybe it's the mid week blues.

Finally finish some work. started after dinner, 7 plus, persevere to 9 plus. finally, how did I survive?I dunno. Now, try to clear sine big business, hot shower and then sleep, tiring day.

I agree I'm harsh to Marcus when it comes to his homework, tekan him in maths juz now. I know he cried, he didn't cry out loud, he juz wiped his tears and carried on. he learnt to be strong. My heart broke when I saw him wiped his tears. I soften after I saw this.

Well, in life, who didn't get scolded by boss for doing wring things? We bite our teeth, clench our fist, and continue with work. so cannot keep protecting our children.


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Tuesdays and Thursdays are my bad days..... really need super duper will power to think positive.

surprisingly i woke up early today, 515am, couldn't really get back to sleep, juz laze on the bed, waiting for the alarm to ring.

but coming to work, mmmmm, as said, super duper will power to pull myself through today.

all will turn out well by the end of the day, yah?

Today started with a bad day. slowly work out and things slowly started to brighten up.



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On the bumboat now, on way to ubin. Long, boring, maybe not boring, day. slept at 2am last nite, regret, should have slept early. hope the long walk in can freshen me up.

On the rocky boat, memories also came rocking back. the antivitch cream, the insect repellent, the visit. Ok I'll stop, old memories, shelf it.

be positive, be happy. nobody likes to see a sad face or a black face. San, u can do it!


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friday, since the children's dinner is not cooked, decided to bring them out for dinner. asked them what they want to eat, dunno. asked lao gong what he wants to eat, dunno, he juz woke up, feeling blur blur.

anyway, the whole journey to tampines mall was a little frustrating, frustrated with lao gong. want to come out as a family, have a happy meal together, but he seems very black face like that.

in the end, settle for din tai fung (again?), anyway, since marcus wants to... after ordering the food, then we all open up and ease a little bit. he just had char kway teow at 4 plus and maybe it's too oily, so he's doesn't feel good.

well, everything turns out well in the end.

so distracted this morning, dunno by wat. bring the wrong set of notes to class. came back to desk, bring the correct set of notes up. later, realise, notes didn't print enough. came down again, photocopied another 8 sets.

sigh, so stm, so distracted. focus sandra, focus!

as i said, random.....

it's really nice, imagine that....

your beloved, sleeping beside u, you are the last one he sees before he falls asleep. he sleeps peacefully, then in the morning, you are the first one he sees when he wakes up.

so nice. and both of u snore together, how fun.

5 mins is all i have now to blog, so randomly....

last nite, went gym with lao gong. it is definitely a different feel exercising at night. too cold to swim after gym. i was expecting it to be crowded, but ok, about 2 others were there, so didn't really have to wait for the machine.

schedule is very tight these few weeks, find it harder to go gym. but i believe, when there's a will, there's a way.

after that, we went to central kopitiam for dinner. ate fish noodles, no way lao gong is going to eat yong tau foo. so anyway, realise that the '3cup chicken' stall is gone, korean stall is long gone. asked the lady how come all these stalls all gone? she said that lease expired, so they didn't renew. then realise the lady that is cooking the noodles was previously from korean stall. the man selling the '3cup chicken' is now selling fishball noodles. ha, disturb uncle and said i want to eat '3cup chicken'.

after dinner, went pump room for a cup. thought happy hour until 10pm, but that is only for sunday and monday. then i asked the waiter, eh, today not monday meh? ok, since there, might as well sit down. clarke quay is really quite crowded at night. it's very different from the sunday afternoon that i've seen it.

sat down at smoking corner, first song i heard 'love me'. enjoyed the music. so after a pint each, left the place. saw this booth that says temporary tattoos, guess they air brush the tattoo for you. glanced quickly through the designs, there are a few for butt cheeks and there is the butterfly or was it the rose that i like? anyway, it was really a quick glance.

it was a nice evening as 1) completed what i set out to do 2) instead of sitting at home and flicking through all the channels and feeling bored at home, it was nice to be outside, it's a totally different, brand new perspective that i've probably lost it long ago.

took 10 mins to blog this.... overshot timing.

can u imagine, i was like printing worksheets and eatin my da bao rice at the same time? doing many things at one time, save time, i could like finish 3/4 packet of my rice by the time i finish printing.

colleagues ask me need to be so exaggerate or not, i wanted to say, no choice, today gbe. but cannot say hokkien... so well, just said that very busy today.

You know, it's very nice to have your beloved sleep beside u, watch him sleep, pat him, touch his face, kiss him, hear him snore. Unless the one sleeping beside u is not your beloved.

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Time of the year when u think and think and think, no answer. It's weird, sometimes some things juz doesn't have any answers. and that is that, no solutions, nothing. And u wonder why u spent so much time thinking about it.

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wah, cleared quite some emails and finally got down to doing some of the admin stuff. This is how you spent your MC, there are more things to be done. Work is piling up, some deadlines are due next week. life is hectic, but as usual, i'll tell myself, i will survive through all these craziness! a crazy person will survive this craziness, a sane person may not.

aiya, this marcus, has not been telling me that he has chinese spelling on tuesday, this morning after much digging, then i realise. since he didn't learn, you can expect his marks. 0!!!! so malu, i told him, no wonder he has to go for chinese remedials in school becos he got a big fat 0 in his chinese spelling. a big fat 0 just like him and me.

mabel keeps a lot of things to herself. so when she asked me to help her print pictures for her science project, i try my best to do it for her. she is a sensible girl, she organises her own filing, she does her homework without being told, she learns her own spelling. now she makes milk for herself and her siblings. she is a sensible girl, but i feel that she keeps too many things in her heart. hmmmm, sounds like me....like mother, like daughter

max, mmmm, i realise that i may have hurt him with my tone sometimes. like when he call me, 'mummy?' and i'm in the middle of something, i will like answer 'what?' in a harsh way, then u can see his face change expression immediately. ok, i promise to be gentle to him, answer him nicely. aiya, sometimes very difficult, too harsh on him, i kena scolded, too gentle with him, people say i spoilt him, show favouritism. it's difficult to strike a balance. actually that is life. always striking a balance.

i wanted to blog about how inconsiderate some parents may be when they send their children to school. one of the school gate is near the bus stop, i usually alight M&M at this gate, then i'll move off for work, which is more conve. i always tell them to hurry to get down and close the door becos we are on the main road and sometimes i can see a bus approaching. and if i see another car behind me which also put hazard light, i will stop a little further up so that the car behinc can fit nicely into the bus stop without obstructing the traffic behind.

this morning, one car stopped in front of me, he stopped right at the entrance. i stopped behind him, the back of my car is definitely obstructing the traffic. luckily there wasn't much traffic at that time. so hurry ask them to alight, be careful not to swing the door and knock the barrier, then close the door.

all this while, the car in front, the mother get down from the back seat, 2 children alight, the mother got back into the car, this time front seat.

then i thought, ok, move off, becos i was quite close, i could not move off if he doesn't move off. then the car didn't move at all, omg, do you need to watch your children walked safely into the school, into the canteen? it's like only 10 steps, they will be in the school compound. so i reverse a little and move off.

inconsiderate parants, really inconsiderate. piu chou nua!

Yeah, by tomorrow, I'll be a debt free person, and I'll keep it like that. sure feels good. Tomorrow morning will be busy. Hope all goes well.

finally caught the virus from max. today feverish, doctor gave me 2 days mc. so early in the year, got mc already... ha, i can feel my performance bonus being deducted.

i can start to feel the cny mood, it's like in another 3 weeks... time really passes very fast.

This morning went to tm and century square, bought new clothes for Mabel and myself. Also bought some new bedsheets for cny. wanted to buy a Korean boy costume for max, but didn't have his size, too bad.

Tonight actually wanted to treat mum at oasis Taiwan porridge, probably postpone to next week, since today they have fellowship.


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Yeah, my house number came out 2nd prize, ibet!

Today brought ch to buy clothes, each one 1 set of clothing, bought for Marcus 6 sets of pj, his pj really cannot make it. then stock up on shampoo and conditioner, at least 6 months worth of stock.

well, it was really difficult to pull Marcus out for shopping. si since he is out, better buy all his stuff.


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Max is so cute. He's so happy that I'm home today, he was like mummy this mummy that since he wake up. He also has been following me around the house wherever I go. And he makes me watch playhouse Disney with him.


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oh no, i have the sore throat today. think i caught the virus from max. am drinking lots of water, hope there is no fever, sure kena cough later. sigh.

max still has the running nose and cough today.

so bored, waiting is a boring game. waiting can kill.

what the ..., just say, no need to be shy. after so many years of my life, i only started to use tampon for the first time. after reading instructions, so followed instructions carefully. mmm, i shall not describe in detail the procedure.

it was weird at first, but subsequently you should not feel anything. if u feel something after some time, it means that it's time to change. and it's funny, it kind of like expanded, that's why the uncomfy.

but it was certainly much more comfy than putting a pad. would i continue using tampon? maybe.

Now Max got the germs from Marcus. brought him to see a doc last nite. got medicine for his cough and blocked nose.

got to be super efficient these few days. many things to do and actually i got 2 days child care leave, but still come to work today, too many things to complete. maybe i'll take tomorrow. i dunno.

been quite tired lately, must be the hectic work that is draining my energy. so sleepy when it comes to 8 plus. last nite, force myself to go to sleep at 9 plus. good sleep, feel refreshed.

Argh, having a horrible headache. Juz take a needle to prick the temple. Think I need a good head and shoulder massage.


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Ever wonder if u have made another choice back then, how would life be? I guess humans are like that, always thinking about if they have made another choice, if I had chosen another man, if I had chosen to remain single, if this if that. humans are never satisfied.

But I guess thinking is thinking, we have to come back to reality to deal with real issues. also doesn't mean that choosing another may be better. Becos ultimately, the thing that requires change is you, your personality, if not u find that u come back to square one no matter wat u choose.

So in the mean time, allow me a little time to think of my what if.

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Wah super tired today. maybe I didn't have enough sleep last nite. Marcus didn't go to school today as his cough is still bad. I'll try to sleep early tonight.

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Today has been a tiring day. Marcus is having a bad cough. juz want to prop my feet up to rest


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I seldom watch 当我们同在一起. but I juz watch it juz now, I was like trying to control my tears.

It must painful for jianhong to tell xiaobei not to acknowledge his own flesh and blood. This is becos the son is used to calling another man papa. it must be painful for her to say this.

Similarly, it will be painful for xiaobei not to acknowledge his own son. Similarly, it would be painful for tarzan to raise another person's son.


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Finally, after meddling with iTunes for about 3 hours, finally leant how to use it. So when I confront my fear, u slowly overcome it. The beginning was frustrated, with obstacles to overcome. But once tell myself to cross that hurdle, the achievement is satisfying.

After 2 days of meddling with real player downloader and converting files, finally realize what students had been trying to teach me about downloading videos! Haha, how stupid their teacher can be? well, it's never too late to reliase and learn. Of course, need help from IT expert to enlighten. now i'm enlightened. Feels like doing a few more videos, but think I better go to sleep. Long day ahead tmr.

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Today went to gym, only day this week to go. Then I did something very stupid, I opened my car boot, put things down, then after I got what I want, I close the boot, then shit, I left the key inside.

Wat a stupid mistake I made! And I juz reminded myself to rem to take the key. So no choice, for to call Hubby to take spare key and taxi down. Stupid me.

After that, went waruku for dinner. mmm the hot sake is really nice. Dear ordered curry noodle, regular. When the food came, his bowl was so huge, really 夸张.


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today is pay day, went for a sumptous dinner to treat ourselves, shiok. we ordered crab and prawn. shiok. after dinner, i felt much better.

hmmm, i felt stupid, have been meddling with real player but to no avail.

feel so stress today. mum and sis seems to be having a cold war, mum asked me to find out from sis. sis and i also have not discussed about getting as new maid. Actually i'm procrastinating this becos deep down, really, i dun feel like hiring one as there will definitely be more problems.

back to thoughts, i really envy those who can put down everything and leave. carefree, nothing to worry about. why do humans have to solve so many problems? work also got problems to solve. i'm not complaining about my family or my work, i'm just tired and wonder why.

this morning, in that 20 mins that i was sitting at the dining table to drink my cup of coffee, father came out of the bedroom 2 times to pour water and made glucose water for mum. think mum is coughing, and when he entered the room, as usual, his nagging followed. well, i dun exactly know what happened. sympathise with father, he came back at 2plus last night after work, and with so little sleep, how is he going to concentrate on his work today? well, ok, i understand that mum is not able to do many things herself, so she needed help, of course, that i understand. but some things started many years ago.

anyway, on reflection on my own, they said that daughters take after their mum. i wonder if i will turn out to be grouchy and bad tempered like my mum. already the chng's family bad temperedness is already running in my blood. anyway, hubby has already warned me not to be like my mum when i turned older. i told him to give me warning when i'm like that.

also, maybe due to the fact that i didn't grow up in a complete family, many things i learnt to do myself. i do not like to trouble people. so when i fall sick, i either take medicine, go and sleep, or go see doc myself since young. father figure absent, so many things learnt to handle it myself. during my teenager years, when i'm feeling down, i also locked myself up in the room and cried.

anyway, for so many years, i've learnt to do everything myself. or maybe hubby has trained my well too. i dunno which is which. anyway, thoughts are extremely random as i'm running late.

Doubt I have the time tmr to blog. Tired today, slept early. Will continue to sleep after this.

Sigh, cny is juz round the corner. Why do I feel depressed? juz felt like going away for the festive season. But decided not to, seems like running away from the problem again.

Anyway, some problems are juz so difficult to solve.


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another start to a new week. hmmmm, feels like sleeping, not enough sleep. ok, i admit, i slept late last night. was meddling with the new phone.

mabel couldn't sleep last night again and requested to sleep in my room. max slept like a little pig, snoring! marcus was easy to go to sleep.

today o level results release, ok, i believe all will be nervous. for me, of course, i feel nervous for my 'babies' as well, but somehow, the results are there, cannot be changed. but as i always believe, if you put in effort to study, you will reap your fruits of labour. miracles do not happen.

sigh, so many things to do.

I have a fetish for sleeping gowns. decided to put into store those auntie cotton ones. Bought 2 recently, one cotton gown, one silky one, dark maroon. actually saw one at tm today but 39.90, didn't buy, too ex. yah, while waiting for queue number to be called today, shop and bought jeans, pants and top. Hubby also bought jeans and top. bought a new swim wear for Marcus, new googles for max.
Bought 2 pants for exercise too. Hmmm

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Yeah, officially blogging from my iPhone, finally went to buy one today, after months and months of thinking. now busy putting apps in iPhone and so used to iPod touch. Need to transfer some things here.

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Finish dinner. So sleepy. Swimming is tiring. Tomorrow is the start of a busy week, all the way to sat. jia you.



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Arghhh, intestines feel jammed up. Pain.


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just a quick one before i start the day.... hmmm sounds like a quickie.

1) u know that kind of feeling u get when u wake up and then u know that today's not a good day??? it's like u got up from the wrong side of the bed like that.

2) starting to question my womanhood now... hmmm, not that i want to change my sex... but then just that, i've tried, tried to slow down, tried to be pampered. but somehow, it's a little more difficult than i thought. or maybe it's my personality or style of doing things, i like to do most of the things myself. i don't like to trouble people. ok, after some analysis, i understand now, it's my personality.

exercise makes u sleep well at night, it makes u perspire a lot. u know, I'm feeling sleepy already.

Would I be able to sustain? I hope so. Think of the money paid, maybe I can sustain.


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Watching king kong now. King kong is so cute. He fights and protects the gal he loves (which I think I said many times) je protects her from the dinosaurs, and when the people came to save her and took her away, he gave chase without any fear. Although he is aggressive but he's really just a gentle giant.

Later in the show, he escaped from broadway and caught up with the gal, they had some blissful moments ice skating at the pond until reality caught up with them. Then in the end, how he fight till his last breath.

I really see this as a love story. A forbidden love between two people. I really wonder if I have the courage as king kong to fight for the one I love.


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My worst fears came true today. Mabel told me that she don't like to fo to school, she wants to stay at home forever. I knew it, I knew where it is coming from, I knew why she said this. I probe her into saying the reason. I gave her four choices, 1, friends 2, teachers, 3, bil, 4, studies. She chose 3.

I was so broken hearted when I heard this. The things that I was afraid would come true has finally happened. I'm really very sad, on impulse, I want to bring my children to leave the house. It's very heart breaking to hear this from Mabel, ans I find it so hard to explain to her without putting bil in the bad light. When I wa 21, my dad made it clear to me that he would nor be supporting me financially, I also told mabel that i'd shebos ever unemployed, I'm not going to be like mil or fil, still giving allowance.

Feel so sad, it pays to be calculative. I'm so stupid, everytime anything anything, never so calculative, but it doesn't pay.

This is not an easy way to solve this thing, the easiest I could think of now, is to take my children and leave.

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My new playground, riverside point, Clarke quay, the central and merchant court.


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first day at work, so far so good. been busy, time passes fast when you are busy. realised that i'm into the naggy mode to my children, i'm into the super disciplined mode in trying to be efficient in work.

less tv, less play for me now.

kind of catch spider man 3 on and off on channel 5. then i remembered i cried while watching spiderman 2. tomorrow, they are going to show king kong, this is another movie which i cried when king kong died. how king kong fought to the last breath, probably for the woman he loves. how he spent happy times with the woman, but sometimes must go back to reality and the end is, he died. sad story.

Super 'song'. 1st 4d of 2010, ibet for 1at prize. Really dunno how to describe that 'song' feeling. It's like hmmm, with max waiting to use the iPod touch, it's difficult to think of a metaphor. anyway, last night shared the joy by buying dinner and drinks, except for mil's dinner, by the time is suppose to pay, I was at supermart buying things.

Anyway, it's a happy start to the new year.

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hmmm, it's the second day of 2010....

1) new year's eve was well spent with family over sumptous dinner. countdown at sis in law's home. stayed overnight at the house, safer that way, confirm no road block. haha

2) new year's day, hmm, nothing special, stayed at home. at night, watched 'love happens'

3) today is saturday, oh, one part of the house wall had a coat of paint. hmm, looks different, feels new. thanks to dear lao gong, the handy man, who painted the wall. all this time while he was painting, i ran out to shop. oh boy, i had a great time, first window shop and then slowly choose what i want. i was like a small bird being let out of the cage. i really really took my time to browse and tried every single thing i could. it was actually quite fun, no wonder gals like shopping. you kind of get the kick out from trying the clothes and shoes and bags. it helps that the children are not with you. it was fun to shop alone too, becos u dun have to worry about other people, as different people have different interests. the good thing about shopping alone is since you don't have a second opinion, you need not buy the clothes you tried. but i know that this is really a luxury for me, to go shopping alone. i doubt i will find the time to do that once sch re-opens.