超人为什么不能掉眼泪？ sometimes with all the burden, it's good to give it a cry and release all. Superman will have breakdowns too.


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Menses finally came. It was like late for 2 weeks lor, something which has never happen before.


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Marcus is a kind hearted boy

u know the movie, i not stupid 2? there was this scene where jerry was caned by his parents for stealing money. They thought that he stole money to but pokemon cards, after that, he blurted out that he wanted to save $500 to buy his father's 1 hour so that he can come to watch his concert. That was when the parents realised that they have wronged him.

this morning, a similar thing happened to me. While we were getting ready to go to school, marcus suddenly said wait and he ran upstairs. then i heard coins dropping on the floor. i got fed up. i went up and scolded him. asked him to show me his wallet. he had no more money in the wallet. told him to hurry take what he needed for the day's allowance and put the rest of the coins in his saving.

in the car, i scolded him again. 1) for not getting his things ready the night before. 2) for spending his allowance in 4 days when it's meant for 5 days. I was about to give a lecture on budgetting his allowance when he blurted out that he took the coins from his piggy bank because he wanted to buy mabel a birthday present.

awwwwwww, he made me cry. i realised that i've wronged him. he's so sweet, he actually went to the bookshop and saw what he wanted to buy for mabel. it was $4. that was why he suddenly remembered it in the morning and rushed up to take the money. he's so sweet. as i was sitting in the driver's seat and he was sitting behind, i told mabel to help me give him a hug. i promised him after his tuition this afternoon, i would bring him to the bookshop nearby so that he could buy mabel a present and mummy is footing the bill.

although marcus is a little blur, no, he's very blur but he's a kind hearted boy by nature. he doesn't scheme to harm others, and he's definitely loveable in his own unique way.

I realise from the beginning of the week, I was frustrated with many many things. Today is the climax of all, today is the ultimate.

I juz feel so so so shitty, I dunno how to make myself happy. Life stinks.


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Super DL, my pants got one big hole behind, I didn't know, so damn malu. And students have to tell me about this lobang. Luckily it's from female students. Luckily I have a track pants and t shirt at the boot of the car. But I'm super super bad mood today.

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I think my frustration with not having to wear my favorite bra to work is because
1) it's a 12 hour thing, of course u want to be comfortable for 12 hours.
2) just imagine, u choose your clothes, then realize the existing bras u have don't match the clothes u wear, re choose again, very frustrated.

Tomorrow is already Friday, what is the point?

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I'm perspiring so much that my buttocks are wet with perspiration. So difficult to pull down to pee because it sticks to my buttocks!

That is how warm we all felt in the room. Now all of us rush to the pantry area to work as there one workable air con here.


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Moody and frustrated again. I had to wake the children, everything is in a rush. Bra still not washed, no favourite bra to wear. Drivers take their own sweet time to roll on the road. Cycling would be faster than that. Machine broke down. People just refuse to read instructions. Air con is still not repaired.
Frustrated, warm, stuffy, perspiring, sticky feeling, arrgh!


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Today is a day of cock ups, from wring bra to machines not working!!!!!!


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i wonder what is with the younger generation these days. Can't they even read simple instructions on how to replace toner etc to equipments that we use every day? i've set the printer correct for the second time today. It irks me because when i wanted to print, the red light blinks. Then solve the problem lah, don't wait for me to solve the problem for you. I'm also in a hurry. it was the same mistake twice. The master roll was set wrongly, the reflective side was not up, no wonder nothing gets printed. and the funny thing was, it was the second time that i had to set it right. Don't they read the instructions on how to place it correctly in the first place?

Really, not a problem solver, creates problem for people only. get my hands all filled with black ink trying to remove things from the drum.

i also saw before, young girls, maybe studying in poly. what perplex me was when the phone dropped from the table to the lap, they screamed. when the phone was on the lap, use your hands and pick the phone up lah. but no, they screamed, they looked at the phone, (that includes the girl sitting next to her friend). then eventually the phone dropped onto the floor. more screams followed. WTH, what is wrong with you people? 1st mistake, should have quickly reacted when the phone dropped from the table to your lap. 2nd mistake, should have tried to catch the phone while it drops onto the floor. no, you just sat there and screamed. what is wrong with youngsters?

only one word flashes across my mind at that point of time, bimbo.

Do your mood get upset when u are not wearing the correct undergarment?

I mean it's the closest to u, next to nothing, literally, so if it's not a comfortable one or not the correct one, u get upset and it spoils your day?

I'm sure most of us will have some favorite ones and not so favourite ones due to some reasons, so I get really upset if all my favorite ones are washed and I can't wear them.

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Planning to celebrate mabel's birthday next Saturday. I plan to do the cooking!!!! Major project, but i'm loving it.


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I also realizes I eat my food fast, which I know it's not good because u dun chew my food properly blah blah blah.

I tried to slow down but I just can't. I also usually finish my food, soup to the last drop. My colleague mention before, Wa, your bowl so clean. I'm sure the person washing the plates would love you.




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Realise I blog so little in September. Dunno, mayb I'm starting to clamp up?

Children's day came and go. Last week, it was marking and marking and marking and marking. So probably that explains why I'm not in the mood to blog.

Now, am in the toilet clearing my stomach, realize lately my bowels have been the sticky kind, dark chocolate color kind.
How I know it's sticky, because I touched the consistency???? Yew, of course not. It sticks to the toilet bowl, I had to use the water hose to spray at it.

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Last day at this place, last day of lor mee, last day of traveling during peak hour, lots of memories, I'm beginning to fall in love with this place!


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I really think I can't drive during peak hours. I hate traffic jams. This morning, pie accident lane 1 after kallang, jam, luckily I exit kallang, but 'steeeeel', when u reach, I couldn't go for my lor mee breakfast! Will not be able to make it.

I also notice there are 2 types of mercedes drivers. Those who don't care that they hog the whole road or those who cannot stand that they lose to another driver, moreover lady driver. Mercedes flat foot, want to race with me worh, let u win, u pay more road tax, more petrol, higher maintenance of car, let u win, anyway I need to right turn, Siao, race with u for what?

Sigh, I cannot drive, I stupid driver.


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I've been eating a lot lately, breakfast, lunch and dinner. I mean to some men, they would not understand that this is a lot.

Just now, a lady, the guy ordered lor mee, she didn't want to eat, she just had fruits for breakfast, she took only a spoonful, trying out the lor mee.

She is slim, no doubt, I would love to slim down, no doubt, but I know very well my own weaknesses! Food and drinks! Actually, did i mention that I do love to cook?

So sometimes, heck the weight and figure, live life to fullest, eat to your heart's content.


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It's interesting to have breakfast in an ols housing estate. Th lady who cooks the lor mee is very old. Think the uncle also know me, see me, he remembers kopi o one cup.

This morning, some uncles saw their old friend, the friend said got sleepless nite, also dun dare to sleep. Then in a very loud and in mostly hokkien, the friends said, why he scared one way ticket lah, ask so and so to cook curry chicken lah, ask so and so to fetch u lah. Mmm, their sentences are laden with nbcb, knn etc.

Then this guy said, life is short, must live to the fullest. Hey, that is my blog's title. The hk drama which I was watching and had since ended (oh, now I realize what is showing on ch 855 can be a common topic for me and my mum. She just told me there is another hk drama, and I'm stuck) in it, the guy character said, 人生有几个十年？the subtitles translate the next sentence, live life to fullest.

Thinking back, I'm already in my 三个半的十年，is this what I want from life? Or for once, should I live for myself?


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My dinner today turns out so so. The lamb shank is ok but the children's chicken chop didn't turn out as I expected because I didn't have the right marinate for it. The BBQ sauce was past expiry date, I didn't dare use it.

I'll try again next time.


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Asked Mabel about why she doesn't want to go to school. It seems kike her partner is 'bullying' her. If she accidentally touches his things, he would beat her.

Told Mabel to bring this matter up to her teacher. I will monitor this case.


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3 things:

1) I have another sleepless Sunday night. Tried not to take sleeping pill, thought I could sleep well because I'm out on official duty, but then... I wonder why

2) just as I was feeling sleepy, I slept at 2am, at 245am, max woke up! I was like, the damned feeling. He wanted to watch tv. Tried to catch some sleep. But the sleep was not peaceful, it was very disturbed. So woke up with a heavy head and heart.

3) Mabel has some school avoidance issue on mon. This is the 3rd time she did this. After I dropped her at school, I would receive a call from her soon after that, telling me she had a tummy ache. First time I believed and rushed to fetch her. Rushed back to work, and I was almost late. 2nd time, I didn't and it happened again this morning. It is always Monday morning.

I wonder is it because she did not complete her homework or what kind of stress she is feeling in school.


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Oh yeah, Lao gong bought me an oven, finally.

Mon, planning to cook lamp chop, chicken chop for dinner. Who's coming for dinner?



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A tiring day.


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at lunch time, i overheard some conversations.

I cannot understand how can a lady spend 2400 on a chanel handbag!!!?!!!!

do you know that for 2400, you can 1) pay for 2 adults to club med phuket for 5D4N 2) enough to pay for a family of 8 to bintan for 3D2N????? 3) $1800, i can follow world vision to vietnam for 6D to see the rural villages and schools 4) $1900 can bring me to siam reap for a 6D or 5D photography tour????

i pay 12x$77 for my diamond ring already heart pain pain liao. but the thought that next time, i can leave my diamond ring as part of my children's wedding gift, i think can invest. (just like grandma leave her legacy of jewellery to her daughters, daughters-in-law and grand-daughters? each of us actually get a piece of her, so to speak)

that time, my friend told me dunno what brand of handbag on sale... very cheap, ask me to buy, i ask how much, i gulped when she told me it's 2k plus??? i was like 2k plus for a handbag, u say it's cheap??? my handbag $10 from central. served me well.

Why do men always rub their groin and pretend that women cannot see?

I didn't mean to see, as I was very early, I stayed in the car at mscp and blogging. So this guy parked his car and was talking in the phone. If I were to count, I dunno how many times he has rubbed his groin. And I think we are going to the same place. Omg.

It juz struck me because sometimes at coffeeshop, seated down, so the groin of people standing and walking past is at eye level. They thought nobody saw when they rubbed it.

Mmm, how would men react if we women were to rub our breasts in public? Omg


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Nb again. Think I cannot drive. Was on sheares bridge going downslope, was behind this blue Mazda 3, the old model. Suddenly he on hazard light, thought what happened in front, ok, slow down. But I look way ahead of his car, very smooth, and the gap between hid car and the front one, maybe about 3 car length. So I pick up speed, on hazard light again.

Now I get it, he is indicating I tailgate him. Very good, fun time. So I tailgate him lor, let him on his hazard light while driving.

At prince Edward exit there, saw a gap in centre lane, wanted to go centre lane, then overtake him. But there was a slow camry at centre lane, and blue Mazda saw me take centre lane, he actually speed up, so ok, I LL, went back to 1st lane, behind him again, tailgate, he on hazard again.

Keppel exit, centre lane has a gap, same strategy, but he knew what I wanted to do, so he did the same, all the time picking up speed, do I did the same, following him closely behind.

I need to exit lower delta soon, so after going back to 1st lane, I needed to keep centre lane again, though there were some cars. After I go centre lane, blue Mazda thought I wanted to overtake him, he swerved to centre lane. This time I took the opportunity to 'flat foot' my horn.

Took a look at him and his wife. Exit lower delta. I stop short of showing middle finger as it's against the rule. But i had already cursed and swear under my breadth.

This kind of man, in life, in working life, I'm sure he will also be the senior leader who refuses to give up his leadership to the younger ones. He will try all means and ways to block their promotion, just like he has tried to block my way to advance.

I think today over his and his wife's tea time and lunch, they would be talking about my way of driving. For the wife, it would be gossiping. I win, I tell the whole world through my blog, ha. Maybe they will go like this 'this morning, there is one horrible lady driver that tailgate my car...' I really cannot drive.

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Out for official duty today. Felt a sense of relief to be doing something different. I felt relax last night and could sleep well.

And I fell asleep watching 'australia's beautiful beaches' so beautiful until I fell asleep.

And I have not catch up my 4 episodes of hk drama serial, I shall do tonight.

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Nbcb, early in the morning kena people cut into my lane. Fed up lei. I should have given a damn long horn instead of a short one. Thanks to u, u just spoilt my day.

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I'm back from hols, it was a good break.

Will update with some pics in the near future.

Guess what, I actually met my good friend YY at bintan. What a small world. Now I have one mire kaki to go holiday with. We talked about planning a trip to Bali next year, wonder if our other 2 good friends can join in as well?

Tomorrow school re open. Was afraid that I couldn't sleep tonight, so I went to pop 1 sleeping pill. Don't want to take the chance.


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Did I tell u that max gave mr a sleepless night last night?

He slept at 8pm, so I decided not to disturb him and let him sleep throughout. He didn't change pj.

I slept at 1 30am, having watched a few documentaries, just as i was about to sleep soundly, max woke up! That should be about 2 plus. I was like cursing under my breath. He wanted to change pj, but his pj was in the other room. So I kind of like ignore him. Well, he whines and cried quietly for some time.

In the end at 3 plus, daddy asked him what happened, and to let Lao gong have another hour of restful sleep, I brought him downstairs and made some milk for him and let him watch cartoon.

At 5am, after Lao gong left fir work, we went back to our room, quickly catch some sleep again from 530 to about 8 plus. What a night.


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This is going to be a bimbotic post.

Have not fine for facial in months, have not gone to do my hair. Ok, I shall add to my wish list.

Went to do nails though. Was apprehensive about the bright pink but since Mabel chose for me, I'll go for it.




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I especially like the flower the lady drew for me.

One if them noticed I like to do French manicure. Yup, and now at experimentation stage of colors.

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Today quickly complete work (actually there is 1 tiny weeny bit of work not done)

Went to replace marcus lost ez link card. Top up petrol, top up cash card, pack luggage, in the evening went to buy some cup noodles and Milo, now all get set ready to go.

Been a busy week, as usual, what is new? But at least I'm looking forward to a short break.


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mum came over to my house in the afternoon and brought max and mabel to ikea to walk walk.

before my mum left, she casually ask mabel and max if they want to go to her house to stay overnight for a night. Mabel and marcus readily agrees. max was a little hesitant.

they packed their stuff quite fast. just before leaving, i can see max almost want to cry. he made me cry.... gave all the children a hug. when max hugged me, he was tearing already, but not crying loud. he wiped away his tears. mabel saw me cried, but you don't have to say to people i cry too, right? i think it's the first time max really leave my side.

ok, i know what some of you are going to say. i show favouritism to max. ok, i admit. i don't know why, but when he came to hug me and kiss me goodbye, i just cried. last time, marcus and mabel went to amk to stay overnight before, but i didn't cry. i don't know why i cried when max left. mabel said like the show, baodi like that.

so for max, i'll be brave and not call to check on him. it's time he learn to get used to not having mummy and papa by his side. Maybe it's a good training for him to go kindergarten next year.

Am trying to catch up a hk drama serial on ch 855. Still prefer hk drama to Korea or Taiwan one. More fast paced.


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Max was so cute the other day. He wanted me to arrange the blanket for him. He said, 'mummy, mummy, can u make ythe blanket for me, pleeeeease ?' then he mouth du du and muck me in the air. How to refuse such a cute face?


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September holidays! Back for holiday lessons. Lots of marking to do, so sianz. But I'm looking forward to having a short break.

Requested to step down from my post. I just want to be HOT! Happy ordinary teacher.


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Oops, not been updating. Let me see, been feeling lazy lately. On Sat morning, went tampines 1 subway for breakfast. Them push the children to complete their holiday homework on sat.

Brought them to swimming on Sunday. After which we went to amk. So fast, weekend juz pass like that.


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Sometimes when driving, have u ever thought of smashing into a big truck in front of u? Then ur head get smashed up, brains spew all over the vehicle?

Gross.

No I did not play any violent games recently. I know mafia II has cars crashing and stuff, mayb I should relive it virtually instead of realistically.


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my soul just died this morning..... RIP 31.08.10

i scolded marcus this morning... it was just the tip of the volcano, what comes after was the real frustration that i felt.

actually since yesterday, i was not happy at work. in the afternoon, comes the news that Marcus lost his wallet. dormant volcano started to bubble inside. frustrated because mabel just lost her wallet a few weeks ago and it was also on a monday or tuesday, their allowance for the week is in the wallet. it's not the money issue. some adults advised me to give them daily instead of weekly, but the thing is i want to train them to learn to budget their money. yes, maybe they should not have bring the whole lump sum to school, as i said, it's not the money issue, it's the ezlink card that is inside the wallet that is troublesome. Some of us went through the hassle of losing wallet, we know it's always not the money issue, though it's painful, it's the card that is very troublesome to settle.

this morning, told marcus to keep his papers properly in the file. in the lift, as marcus turned his back towards me, i saw two big holes in his bag! the holes were made by the corner of the files! that blew my top!

1) there are two compartments in the bag, who puts the file in the front compartment. it was because he put his file in the front compartment, that's why the bag slant towards the front as he carries it and it cuts the school bag, therefore making the two holes. stupidity no. 1.

2) i just bought the school bag in june, it's only a term and he spoils a bag and it's a converse bag lor! not very expensive, below the $50 range.

reached ground floor, i really cannot stand the way he packs the bag, i rearranged his things in the bag at the table found near the lift lobby.

i told my children honestly, yesterday i was so close to resigning from my job but what stops me from resigning is the family. im sorry to use the word, the burden of the family makes me rationalise my thinking and i controlled my actions. i told the children i'm not happy at work, anytime, i may just quit from my work, then they better be prepared. i told them, please be appreciative of the things that we buy for them. it's not easy working and earning money.

after they alighted from the car, same old me started thinking and thinking. every time, we do so many things for the children, for others, think of others, control our actions. but it's so tiring. maybe maybe others have thought for me, considerate for me.... i just feel that how nice it is to let go now.... to totally let go now..... i went to see the doc for pills to help me relax and sleep at night..... the doc was asking me if he needs to refer me to see a counsellor, a psychatrist. i told him i'll reconsider.

i'm not happy at work, i'm not happy at home. i'm not happy....

sometimes i wonder if i have the courage to go... or if i can just do things for myself....myself....

didn't know mabel's homework was sudoku, so i thought she downloaded from somewhere, so i just did one puzzle. if i knew it was her homework, i would not touch it. swear

Didn't do much today, brought Mabel to replace her concession card, then realize must bring birth cert.
Anyway, called to to report loss of card, then the officer said actually her card is at the head office in maxwell, can go down and collect, so no need to do. So wasted my money to take her Id photos, chey


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Reading up more Australia information.

Tasmania was a penal colony.


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Used the afternoon and help marcus and Mabel to do teacher's day card.



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Now, waiting for glue to dry then we'll put it into envelope.


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mmmm, i'm always threatening marcus about throwing his hamsters away if he is so distracted by it. Last night, he gave me a note, the note goes like this:

Dear Mom,

To prevent animal cruelty, you have to watch this disturbing news in Youtube!

Mother of the Year 2010 candidate forces son to kill family pet for bad report card

Better think about it or else you will regret it! No replying allowed after reading.

Love Marcus


I was laughing and laughing after reading the note.

marcus didn't tell me that it was CA this week, until this morning i manage to find out why he does not have CCA today.

English paper was yesterday, i wonder what subject it is today. and for these two days, he is definitely not prepared. I hope it's not Maths today, he has to pass his Maths badly.

I cannot be there for him forever, one day, i will leave, how can i go with in peace?

Max cried again this morning, not allowing me to go to work. this morning, i'm smart, i did not hold his hands, tried not to have body contact with him.

yesterday evening after dinner, played some board games with Mabel and Max. it was quite fun... and we also have a few rounds of uno.

still recalling max's video 'lannies and jappermen', so funny.

this morning, max cried again. he held on to my hand so tight and refused to let me go to work. When i pushed his hand away, he cried even louder. i broke his heart, he also broke my heart. i cannot take this kind of pain every time i leave him. that parting pain, it cuts you deeply in your heart, not sure if you know what i'm talking about.

this morning, i left home at 630am, but i reach sch at 715am. why did i take 45 mins?

After marcus and mabel alighted, i made my way to school. i parked my car, i was about to switch off the engine when i received a call from mabel. She called me from school and said she had tummy ache. she said she wanted to go home. so before i had a chance to turn off the engine, i rushed off to fetch her from school and bring her home again. by the time, traffic is starting to be heavy. so end up, i reached school at 715am.

Mabel wanted me to park at hdb and go into the school to fetch her, i told her i dun have the time to do that and i told her i'm going to reach the bus stop soon, if she doesn't appear at the bus stop, i'll go. Also asked sopia to come down to bring her up.

so my head is very groggy now due to the lack of sleep. wish to quickly pass this day and go home to sleep or have an early night today.

i think i'm too stressed or tensed up at work... or work has been making be feel very tensed. yup, it's different. i'm not stressed by my work, i mean i can still handle the challenge, but work has been so much and it's affecting my mental well being.

I've been dreaming about my work almost every night i sleep. my body jerked at intervals during my sleep. Last night, i must have been woken up by a huge body jerk. Because after that, i could not sleep.... i looked at the time, 2 plus. toss and turn... even though i tell myself to go to sleep, i closed my eyes, but i know i'm totally not asleep because my mind is very active, i kept thinking of work.... and i remembered i thought of uncle peter in australia... like i was asking him to help me look out for work over there.

Does GP prescribes relaxant? i seriously need something to relax... and help me sleep better. i dun want to turn to alcohol to help me sleep better.... that's not good....

or do i need anti-depression medicine?

Dreamt about work, it was a nightmare to me. Woke up suddenly from dream, couldn't get back to sleep. It was only 2 am. Tossing and turning in bed still.


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New recipe for breakfast

Going to try this new recipe for breakfast I found on allrecipe.com

Preparation:


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Butter generously on one side.
Place face down in skillet.




Place cheese in between.
Butter another slice.
Place it face up.
Toast until golden brown.
Healthy tasty breakfast.




Taste crispy on the outside, the cheese melted inside.

Made 2 more for children to taste and they love it!
Marcus even came to hug me and kiss me, he is so cute.


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I ask a lot of questions to myself today. Again, I question work, question existence, question life. Same old questions.

There will not b a define answer, just have to pack my frustrated feelings and get on with life. No wonder some life sucks.


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Lao gong so sweet, scared too dark for me to mark, bring up a solar powered led light.


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After shifting max's bed to my room, last night, he slept on his bed. But he woke me up twice in the night, the first one was to go toilet, the 2nd one, I'm also not sure. Just cover him up nicely with the blanket.

This morning, he woke up when I woke up too. When we were about to leave for school, he gave me that pleading look to stay at home, he did not cry, but his face was sad. He stood in front of me and blocked my way. Again, he gave that pleading look, and refused to kiss me goodbye. My heart melted. I almost gave in to him.

When I finally walked out if the door, he cried. 'Mummy!' my heart broke.


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I cannot believe I'm doing gardening.


- hey I still remember my lashing.




My Rosemary plant. If only I can blog the smell.





My mint plant.






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Been an exciting and hectic Sunday.

1) went giant, settled whole week's breakfast.

2) went ikea, started recycling at home. Bought 3 bins for recycling. 3 categories are plastic/cans, paper and glass. 3 children tasked to ensure sustainability.

3) re arrange room furniture, brought max bed over to my room, now my desk us shifted in another orientation.




- 4) discusses kitchen design, may have to start renovating kitchen soon.

5) went to florist, going to re arrange garden plants outside. Btw, manage to buy a Rosemary plant and mint plant.



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I'm surprised at max's memory.
1) he remembers our Hp number.

2) he remembers he has been to the zoo with amk ah ma.

3) drinking wine, max said, papa, the Australia guy said that before drink must stir (swirl the wine in the glass), smell then drink.
Why he said that is because we attended a wine tasting class while we were in Australia.

He has a darn good memory. I cannot stand him


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I so hate it when equipment and machines are not working properly.


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Just noticed this morning that I have many black pants.


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National Day

stayed at home in the morning and afternoon. in the afternoon, i accompanied the children to play the rabbit game on wii, it was quite funny.

then in the evening, went to warren for dinner. at the same time, we watched the ndp while having dinner. also settled ser's b day present.

wonder when it will be delivered.

today is school holiday. tried to do some work, (hee, after so many days, i had ambitious plan to complete so much work during the long weekend)

later going to burn the offerings.... mmmm, wednesday blues.......

macus' birthday

woke up, went to tampines 1 to buy some more bottles of wine. then saw icing room, decided to buy a cake from there and little did i realise that you actually decorate your own cake. so max, me and lao gong had some fun decorating the cake.

in the afternoon, went to hospital to fetch mum back as she was discharged. then at home, the balloon was blown and decorated around the house.

went for a quick bath and await guests. We had food at the nearby coffee shop which we had pre ordered some dishes. glad that dad could make it too.

after that, we went back home, the children had champagne (non alcoholic) while some adults drank wine. soon, it was cake cutting. the cake was soft and spongy and nice.

marcus opened his presents after the guests left and immediately, he played the rabbit game on wii. i hope he enjoyed his celebration.

i was really tired that night.

mmm, been some time since i blog.... ok let's start from being sick.

on wed and thurs, marcus was sick so i took child care leave. so is mum. she was hospitalised from tues night for her persistent fever that did not go down. ran many blood tests and urine tests, juz could not find the cause of her infection.

on sat, went parkway parade to buy some wines in preparation for marcus' birthday. bought door gifts for children too. it was a hectic weekend.

Had a hard time asking max to go to sch. On one hand, I didn't want him to hate sch, on one hand, I need him to learn to handle.

He was so brave, when I bring him to sch, I knew he was holding back his tears. He made me want to cry also. I'm now sitting outside the sch. For a while, and I'll go later.


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I think if I were to ever leave this earth, I will not regret it.



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I'm very frustrated, angry. I learnt that tolerating is not working. I'm no great woman. I should not have tolerated, maybe i should have.... I dunno how others did it. Did they tolerate as well or did they embrace it and live with it? I have failed.

I feel like leaving home and go to a faraway place.


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Let me see, what an exciting day I have today. Marcus has two days mc. And mum is in hospital. Hope her results are good tmrw.


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brought max to school in the evening to find out more. Teacher's feedback was that he was alright in school until nap time. So to ease him into the school system, we will fetch him home from school at 1230pm. Teacher also feedback that he was a good boy and a clever one. He was the first one to answer the teacher's questions.

good for him, happy for him.

well, max enjoyed his first day in school, mmmm, i'm not sure. when i asked him about school, he doesn't seem to tell me abut his adventures excitedly. i think he is more glad that he is home and can play with his sibings.

He only cried when it's nap time. he said that he miss his brother. today i will allow him to bring his little pillow to school and hopefully that will ease him. In the night, he told me the teacher told him to bring bedsheet, blanket and pillow and milk powder. I've heard about bringing or buying the bedsheet thing from my sis in law, today i will ask the teacher.

yesterday afternoon, marcus and mabel dropped by max's school to see him when they are on the way home from school. I think both siblings are excited about max going to school. but when they reach there, it was pitch dark as it was nap time. lucky them, we chided them to stop doing that. We are just afraid that when they do this and if max sees them, he would may want to follow them them home.

juz called mil to ask how max was doing. he was ok, he was happy to go to school, he didn't cry. i wonder if he was having fun in school now.

Brought the kids to pasir ris park for cycling. Marcia and Mabel took the 2 wheel bike, we took a double bike and a single bike. So max get to sit behind while his papa cycle the double bike. It was drizzling today, it was kind of cool and a little cold cycling. Well, at least we didn't sweat.

Tomorrow, max is going to school, well he's excited.


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yesterday went to settle max's registration. since he is so excited about starting school, i'll let him try nursery starting from august.

now weekday becomes a routine of dinner, check homework, a bit of tv programme, put children to bed at 10pm, sleep.
next morning wake up, work...............................................................until evening time, then repeat routine.

i find myself harder and harder to lift my mood every day. i find myself harder and harder to convince myself to get ready for work. i find myself surfing websites, wondering if i should..........................

i think my body/mind is crying out to me that i'm not happy with work. sigh. i'm tired of it all.

these 2 nights, at 10pm, i've been putting the children to bed. Marcus and Mabel could fall asleep quite easily, it's max that takes a little time.

the night before i had to tell him 2 stories, let me think, i told him the 3 bears and the 3 little pigs story. last night, we did 2 word search. actually he wanted a story, but i was very tired, i just patted him and i closed my eyes. eventually, he fell asleep.

at 3 plus, he opened my room door and came into my room and said 'mummy, i want to sh sh.' not bad.... then he went back to sleep again.

this morning, i just wanted to see the way he slept, when i opened the door, he was already awake.

he has been quite excited also recently as we kept on preparing him that he is going to school soon. and by soon, he really wants to start soon. he keeps asking me when i am buying him his uniform.... i think if he is ready, maybe i'll let him start nursery in aug or september.

Max drew. Apparently, that's the rainbow and that's me he drew! And next to my hand is my iPhone!




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Max knows how to write his alphabets!


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Sat nite, max went to sleep on his new bed. He was excited.

Tonight, he came to the room after I put him to bed. He claims that he doesn't want to sleep there. Mmm, poor bed, abandoned by him.


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Random thoughts:

1) removing the exam culture should start with changing the mindsets of the adults. Until they remove the current system of kpi to measure achievements, exams are here to stay. Until they remove everything that a sch does. Zip.

2) hdb resale flats at sky high prices. How do u expect couples to get married and give birth to babies when they do not even meet their most basic need? How do u want them to set up a family without a house?

So, instead of giving baby bonus, please reduce the prices of resale flats.

3) no doubt newly married couple get housing grant when they purchase flat, but pls lor, new flats are over subscribed. How many times do u want the couple to do balloting?

4) reading the newspaper dampens your mood. U read abt Mother Nature getting angry, people getting murdered, etc.




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Max has been bugging us to buy him a small bed so that he can sleep in Marcus' room. every evening when i come back, mummy, tomorrow is it saturday? when i say no, tomorrow is (thursday), he has this disappointment on his look.

today, i can imagine him lighting up when i say, yes, tomorrow is saturday. He is sure to go 'yeah'. i can't wait to go home but stuck in school due to cca. argh....

Did I mention the night before, max brought in the hamsters into the room, juz as I was about to sleep, the hamster decided to do some exercise by running the wheel? Faintz, brought the cage out, max was sleeping.

Last night, max wasn't sleeping yet when the same thing happened. So I told max, max, your hamster is very noisy. He actually went to hit the side of the cage as if to make the hamster quieten down. Ok mummy, it's not noisy anymore. So sweet of him.

Juz as he laid down, the hamster started again, he rolled his eyes, so funny! I told him it's ok.


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Did I mention that the kids got 4 more hamsters? And another cage?


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Yesterday, mabel's wallet, I suspected that it should be stolen in sch. Or she lost it. Let this be a lesson to her to be more vigilant.

Last night I was so tired, I slept at 720pm. But I woke up again at 8 plus, then in the night, watched prog. I dozed off at abt 12 midnite. Watched another show, travel and living, showing globe trekker, Sweden is such a beautiful place! Also channel u is showing the Korean drama, cruel intention, repeat telecast. Finally doze off at 1 am.

Mac went over to marcus' room to sleep again, sharing the bed wif Mabel. We are considering buying a small bed for max and putting it in the room.

Check this out, the art piece which Marcus did last minute and was scolded by me, got an A grade! Wow.


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Juz now scolded Marcus for not doing his art homework. So last min and he knew it since last tues. Told Lao gong to help him.

Sigh Marcus never change. Fed up.


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Tiring to shop at ikea. Lunch first, crowded.

Then walked around, discussed home improvement ideas. I seriously need to change my kitchen.

Bought clothes rack, small table for balcony, toilet rack for the ch's bathroom, toothbrush holder and an art easel.

Now lying on bed, tired from the walking.

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I felt strangefully calm.

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At 1225 hr, 17 July, I've packed my shattered heart in a box and buried it in the centre of earth, never to retrieve it again.




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My toe is starting to feel pain again. Lao gong asked me to go see doc again, but appt is next next tues.

Maybe I'll do a buddy splint myself, ha, that is so me, do everything myself.

But I would think that pain is a journey towards recovery.


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I've never felt so much pain in my life. It's like a thousand knives stabbing my heart. It's like a part of u has been torn away.

I was a fool, this time I dunno how long I'll take to recover. I feel like juz to fall down and die. Sorry, 3m, I know u read my blog, it's juz a feeling I used to express, I dun really mean to do it. No matter how I was insulted and ridiculed, I cannot let it take me down and cause u not to have a mother.

U put so much effort in it and when u realize that it is not going to work, that disappointment, that pain, u wouldn't know if u didn't go through it.

It's ok, I'll go sing my heart out, I hope I can find my heart.

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that week when i was in mc, my colleagues told me that the flourescent light bulb above me blew. and juz before i came back, it was repaired. so my colleagues were saying when i was not around, they were 'dis enlightened' and when i came back, they were enlightened.

I am angry and frustrated with Marcus and mabel's tardiness in the morning.

Ok, I know they read my blog, then go and google what is tardy. Don't expect the answer to be given to u every time, dun expect food to be delivered to your mouth every time, dun expect someone to wear clothes for u every time.

Then I reflect, is it my fault for hiring a domestic helper at home? Can I do without one? I can! But first, I must quit my job and probably juz living on our own.

Then again, can I quit my job? This is the big *fishing question that cannot be answered. I can, if I'm not living in Sg. I can, if I'm not married.

Everything juz boils down to a * system that we r living in. U buy a house, u have to work to pay the mortgage. U have this commitment to fulfill. I hate that word, commitment. Everything just boils down to measure this measure that, kpi, afi blah blah blah. Even in your job, u r con into committing to something.


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Only reason why I agree to go NIE or SDC for courses is the fact that I could visit grandma.

Reached here 740 am, sorry grandma, didn't bring u any flowers. What I remember about u is your live and strong faith in God. U were the pillar for the family. Thanks, really, for all the things that u have done.

Smiling now as I recall the stories that aunt sal and Gor yee told me.

Cemetery is quiet, only a few workers working on the graves. Oh yah, gramdma's neighbor in front, finally, they concrete it. Must had have soil erosion. Anyway, grandma's place a little dirty due to the 'renovation' in front.

Enjoying the calm and serenity the cemetery is giving me. Even the long drive here, I've been thinking abt my priorities at work.

Ok, got to go, traffic would be heavy soon.

Bye grandma.

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Oh forget to blog, Marcus manage to cycle today. A little shaky, still cannot get hold of the direction, but at least he can cycle quite a far bit of distance. Happy for him.


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On Sunday, brought kids to Brussels sprouts again. The kids enjoyed themselves.

In the evening, went to the oasis Taiwan porridge to have dinner, SIS had a little promotion, thanks!


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For the whole weekend, I did not turn on my laptop, yeah!

At this moment, doing facial on my own. Later will put a pearl mask. SIS bought from Korea, I think.


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I had this strange feeling of freedom today.

It's like sometimes u get so frustrated with things, get upset by it, get angry with it, get disappointed with it.

Today u just let go of the feeling and tell yourself u dun want to care anymore, maybe that's why I get the feeling of freedom.


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Sigh, today if not for SIS who said happy anniversary to me, I forgot it's my rom anniversary.

Mm some things at work are just ... I shall not comment. Some things are done just for the sake of doing. Busy until I forgot my rom.


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another week is over and the world cup is coming to a close this weekend. Much excitement among many people.

July.. long month, there are 31 days.

can pull through

Two appointments cost me $168 for a week of mc. Not worth it, I'd rather be back at work.


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Officially going back to work from tomorrow. On one hand, very sad, on the other hand, happy. Last week, for the first 2 nights, I dreamt about work.

Hope my engine is able to re start. And I have to accelerate real fast as I've lag behind.

But it's good to keep one's mind occupied with work. Keeps u from thinking other things.

After much said, my spirits are still not lifted. Sad.


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Sometimes I feel that I'm a thick skinned person, after being insulted, I still ...



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the weather is good today, brought kids to wild wild wet as promised.

when we reached there, marcus and mabel saw their cousins, joey and cheryl and uncle. what a coincidence! so we all went in together.

the children had good time, max is still a little apprehensive about sliding down. marcus and mabel managed to try the adult slide once.

joey and cheryl left earlier, marcus wanted one last time at the 'tsunami', so brought them there.

i think lao gong and i were quite sun burnt. after washing up, we went mac to have lunch.

then later joey and cheryl came to our house, brought the children down to cycle and play badminton.

oh yah, in the late evening about, 430pm. our house has got no electricity. the first 4 units all have no electricity. My neighbours called the town council to rectify the problem. so from about 5 - 6pm, the 3 of us were outside, with the children, chatting along the corridor.

by 6pm, brought the children for dinner.

Today is a tiring day... both physically and mentally.

It's 1st July, half the year has gone, so fast.

U know when ur ex ex ex, dunno how many batch ago student still rem ur b day, it really makes ur day and really make all these, worthwhile.


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